Practical Communication and Public Speaking Skills TEST

Practical Communication and Public Speaking Skills TEST

The test has 3 short writing questions and 9 multiple choice questions.

I uploaded the test.

I also uploaded the weekly study material.

I also uploaded the Public Speaking Mini-Course PDF Materials used for question 1.

I also uploaded the eBook used for question 2.

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Please describe two or three points that resonated with you and that you will use from the
Public Speaking Mini-Course in Segment

This question is worth approximately 15% of your overall scor

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Please describe two or three points that resonated with you and that you will use from the eBook,
How to Be a Master Communicator

in Segment

This question is worth approximately 15% of your overall score.

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In 350 to 1,000 words (for this specific question), please answer the following in your own words:

Five or more of the most important points you learned from this course.

Please follow these instructions closely:

Number each point so that it is easy to rea

Do not simply summarize what the course taught. We already know what the course teaches. We want to know the most important points you learned from it.

Focus your answers on what the course material taught, not on previous knowledge or opinions (we can’t test for those).

Make sure you meet/exceed the minimum word count.
Use MS Word to type your answer out first to ensure you meet the minimum word requirement of at least 350 words. Then you can copy and paste your answer from Word to the box below.

This question is worth 30% of your overall score. Therefore, make it count. 🙂

Please use the following format when writing your answers (you can copy and paste the question-format below into the answer box or word processor). Then, put your cursor next to line 1 and type your answer. Then, go on to 2, et

Five or more of the most important points you learned from this course:

2.
3.

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Some things that SHOULD be done when sending emails are: (Choose all that apply)

Select one or more:

Put email addresses in the CC field when sending to many friends.

Use a salutation or greetin

Use an old email from someone to start a new topic (it’s easier).

Use a closing including your name.

Use all caps.

Write in all lower case characters (it’s the new way for online writing).

Keep your tone upbeat.

Proof the email.

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Some things that SHOULD NOT be done when sending emails are: (Choose all that apply)

Select one or more:
a.
Put email addresses in the CC field when sending to many friends.
b.
Use an old email from someone to start a new topic (it’s easier).
c.
Write in all lower case characters (it’s the new way for online writing).
d.
Keep your tone upbeat.
e.
Use all caps.
f.
Use a closing including your name.
g.

Use a salutation or greeting.

h.
Proof the email.

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The most important skills you will ever learn are:

Select one:

Career skills

Effective communication / people skills

Business skills

Writing skills

Technical skills

Clear my choice

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The primary way to remain human in a technological world is to be:

Select one:
a.

Emotional.

Positive.

Impersonal.

Personable.

Clear my choice

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The sweetest word in any language is:

Select one:
a.

An encouraging word

A smile

A salutation

A person’s own name

A question

Clear my choice

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Typing in all CAPS is generally viewed as _______ online.

Select one:
a.

shouting

whispering

standing out

talking normally

Clear my choice

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A great way to show interest in other people is to ask them about themselves, their stories, their aspirations, their dreams, etc. In listening to them, we even might learn something about ourselves.

Select one:

True

False

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Using emails is a great way to handle important matters such as discipline or conflict resolution because it avoids confrontation.

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True
False

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“
Things” only matter to the extent that they benefit someone.

Select one:
True
False

Pictures/1000020100000012000000125B61BFA4

Thomas Francis University • Course G110 • Segment 3

HOW TO BE A
MASTER COMMUNICATOR

—Douglas R. Kelley, PhD, CH, CSL

Upon Completion of this Segment, You Will Know:

• A comprehensive overview of communication techniques.

The basic building block of good communications is the feeling

that every human being is unique and of value.
—Unknown

n this course, we have covered a number of valuable communication techniques with a focus on

practical and public presentation skills. The techniques presented so far have focused more on

the most important skills associated with effective communication, but haven’t included a num-

ber of additional techniques that also play a role in good communication. Concepts such as how to

start a conversation, how to end a conversation, good telephone conversation techniques, and others

will help round out your ability as an effective communicator.

In this vein, the eBook, How to Be a Master Communicator, is included on the Course Page for

your review and study. It will provide additional sub-points that support the main concepts discussed

in previous segments. As you study this 43 page eBook, look for new and additional ideas that you can

apply in your own life.

METAPHYSICS AND COMMUNICATION

Perhaps you are wondering what communication skills have to do with a metaphysical degree, and

the answer is everything and on a variety of levels. Regardless of whether your mission is to become

a minister, counselor, coach, healer, hypnotist, ufologist, paranormal investigator, or anything else,

you will be dealing with people (and perhaps others). Your effectiveness as a communicator will have

a direct bearing on your success in your chosen field.

One type of communication we’ve discussed and will continue to discuss is the communication you

have with yourself, in other words, self-talk. This kind of communication involves the mental thought-

Segment 3: How to Be a Master Communicator

words that go through your mind constantly. Whether your internal dialogue is positive and empow-

ering or not will also have a direct impact on your success in life.

Another type of communication is that with your Higher Self in the form of meditation. We’ve

provided suggested meditations and self-hypnosis scripts for you to use in connecting with your Higher

Self. By diligently practicing meditation, you expand your consciousness and awareness, and this leads

to greater enlightenment. Meditating also allows you to “listen” to your innermost thoughts and di-

rection. This is your Higher Self attempting to communicate with your conscious mind. Meditation,

visualization, and focus is explored in depth in Course MHs.M6 of the Doctoral Degree Program.

Metaphysics is about existence and consciousness. Communication is an indispensable aspect of

both. We’ve discussed verbal and non-verbal communication in the form of body language, but an-

other type of non-verbal communication also exists that involves consciousness on a higher level. We

often refer to this type of communication with words like psychic, ESP, and telepathy. This form of

communication allows our minds to “go out into the cosmos,” so to speak, and get information that

is not otherwise available to us. Psychic communication and related matters are discussed at length

in Course G240 including how to develop your psychic ability.

As Master Communicators, capable metaphysicians, and spiritual entities, we must be as proficient

as possible in all aspects of communication, whether that communication is with people or anyone

else. As with the physical world, so it is with the spirit world: Poor communication will strain a

relationship, and lack of communication will kill it. Strive to practice effective communication skills

in all aspects of your life and your life’s work.

Thomas Francis University • Course G110 • Segment 2

PUBLIC SPEAKING
AND PRESENTATIONS

—Douglas R. Kelley, PhD, CH, CSL

Updated: August 17, 2017

Upon Completion of this Segment, You Will Know:

• How to be less nervous and more effective when giving a speech.

• How to use PowerPoint effectively in presentations.

• Public speaking mini-course

The human brain starts working the moment you are born
and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

— George Jessel

remember the first time I ever gave a public presentation. It was way back in 1966, I was seven

years old, and my knees were literally knocking together as I gave my six-minute speech. In my

twenties, I began to speak more often, but I still remember the nerves giving me trouble. Of

course, the more I spoke publicly, the easier it became. As I got into my thirties, I was speaking

even more, and on three occasions, the audiences numbered more than 3,000 people, with one au-

dience around 5,000. I wasn’t accustomed to such large groups, so I had yet more opportunities for

getting weak in the knees.

Just about every person has to get up in front of a group at one time or another. If you are like

most people, you would rather burn in hell than stand up in front of a group and speak. It can even

be worse if you are speaking before your peers or high-profile organizational officers or “big-wigs.”

So, what can you do if you have to give a presentation and are dreading it? Let me share some

techniques from my experience that I have found beneficial. The following is not meant to be an

exhaustive discussion of public speaking techniques, for you can get a good book for that (or join

Toastmasters). Moreover, it would be very difficult to effectively teach public speaking in an online

format. The following points are just a few things I do to make my presentations run smoother.

To begin, it is obviously very important to prepare and practice your presentation thoroughly. It

has been said that a good presentation is one that is practiced over and over. While I agree with this

in principle, I also think you can practice a presentation so much that it becomes canned. Canned is

not good.

After you have prepared and practiced, remember the following points to help with the nerves

and to make your presentation memorable:

Segment 2: Public Speaking and Presentations

1. Be You. Be Passionate. Whether speaking to one person or 10,000 people, be who you are.

Do not substantially change your manner of speaking when in front of a group. Speak con-

versationally just as if you were speaking to one individual, which of course you are, just

multiplied several times over. Some speakers feel that they must change their manner of

speech when they get in front of a group. I don’t. Be the same person you are regardless of

how many people are in your audience. Doing so will allow you to avoid sounding canned and

help you to come off as personable. People will relate much better to you as a result.

And speaking of canned, absolutely never, ever read your speech! Notes are fine, but as

an audience member, I can read your speech myself. I want to see and hear you, your story,

your passion, and your unique presentation. By the way, believing in and being passionate

about your topic will also quell the nerves. If all you plan to do is read your speech, then

save yourself and your audience the stress and just give them a handout of your speech. Be

a Real Live Human Being. Be you!

2. Speak From Your Own Experience and Knowledge. If I were to ask you to talk to me for a

few minutes about your area of expertise, could you do it? Undoubtedly. Would you have to

prepare? Probably not. Oh, you might make a brief outline so you could talk to me in an

organized fashion, but I’m willing to bet that you are familiar enough with what you do that

you could speak like an expert with little preparation. Furthermore, I’ll bet you wouldn’t

feel the least bit nervous, would you? So what is the difference between talking to one

person or 100? You are simply speaking to one individual times 100. The only real difference

is in your mind.

Many new speakers get nervous because they are worried that those in the audience will

think what they have to say is wrong, silly, or stupid. Never forget that you have the same

moral right to express your perspective as any other human being—no more, no less. Your

audience is there to learn and benefit from your experience; otherwise, they wouldn’t be

there. And don’t worry about hecklers; they are a very rare phenomenon. If you should ever

get one, try to answer their question if appropriate. If they continue, tell them that you will

be happy to discuss it privately after you are finished, and then ignore them and continue

with your presentation. Hecklers are aggressive individuals who don’t deserve your mental

attention or energy.

3. Focus on Your Audience, Not on Yourself. Remember, it’s not about you; it’s about bene-

fiting your audience. Whenever you focus on yourself, you will become nervous. When you

focus on how you are benefiting your audience, the nerves are not so bad. As you begin your

presentation, keep telling yourself, “It’s about them, not me.” You may feel some nervous-

ness, but it will quickly fade after a moment or two.

4. Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously. The best thing you can ever do in front of a group is

screw up! If you’ve ever experienced screwing up in front of a group, then you know why I

say this. When you make a mistake on stage—be it a lost note or saying something intended

to be funny that falls flat—you simply recover the best you can. Admit what you need to

admit, and then press onward! Once you do, you will find that a huge burden lifts off your

shoulders. It’s almost as if you are saying, “Okay, you all know I screwed up! You all know

I’m human! Now let’s get on with it!” You can then move forward much more relaxed be-

cause you are no longer taking yourself too seriously. It also helps to have some funny come-

back lines for those awkward moments. I actually prep my audience in my opening comments

Segment 2: Public Speaking and Presentations

by saying, “One very important thing before we get started; I have this delusion that I’m

funny. Will you help me to perpetuate this delusion by laughing at my jokes? Thanks!” This

has the added benefit of breaking the ice right up front.

Speaking in front of groups can be a rewarding experience, especially if you do it enough to get

past the nerves. It is not nearly as bad as most people believe. Of course, it takes courage to get up

in front of people, and your audience knows this. Audiences are generally very forgiving, and they

will automatically credit you with a higher level of authority, knowledge, and intelligence simply

because you are up there speaking.

MULTI-MEDIA PRESENTATIONS

One other area that bears mentioning is the use of Microsoft PowerPoint in presentations. You will

find a variety of opinions on this ranging from favorable to unfavorable. Some speakers even claim

that using PowerPoint at all subjects your presentation to “Death by PowerPoint,” which I find absurd.

This is another area in which balance is important. I almost always use PowerPoint in my presentations

and do so effectively.

Here are some guidelines to help make your PowerPoint presentation effective:

• Keep your slides simple and legible. It is fine to use an attractive background, just make sure

your slides are easy to read. This means using highly contrasting font and background colors.

• In most cases, you should never put paragraphs on slides. If you do, your audience will read

your slide and not listen to you.

• Never put more than about six or eight bullet points on one slide. If you have more than that,

use another slide.

• Use at least a 20 point font, and bigger would be better, such as 28 or 32 points. Your font

needs to be big enough for your audience to read.

• Generally speaking, do not read your slides to your audience. Your audience can read the slides

themselves. Use your slides to support what you are saying. This said, there are times when

you will want to make a point by reading something verbatim, which is fine.

• Use your slides as a mental guide for your presentation much as you would use an outline.

However, be careful of relying on your slides as a crutch. Be aware that sometimes equipment

fails and you should still be able to do your presentation without the aid of PowerPoint. If your

projector fails, you can still take cues from your slides by viewing them on your laptop com-

puter. Of course, your audience won’t be able to see them unless you have a very small group.

If this is the case, turn your laptop around and let your audience see your slides too.

• Face and speak to your audience, not the screen. I usually stand a few feet to the side of my

laptop. This allows me to view the same slide the audience sees without turning around to see

the slide on the screen and thus lose audience contact. You should look at the screen occa-

sionally just to verify everything is working properly.

• Use a remote control to advance your slides, if possible. If you don’t have a remote control,

then use the space bar on your computer—don’t use your mouse. In this case, press the space

Segment 2: Public Speaking and Presentations

bar quickly and then back away from the computer. In other words, don’t hover over your

computer unless you are teaching a software program that requires you to use the keyboard.

• When and if viewing PowerPoint in the editing mode (not presentation mode) in front of an

audience, blank the projector screen or place a card in front of the projector lens to prevent

your laptop screen from being projected to the audience. This is just good presentation eti-

quette and it prevents your audience from potentially seeing upcoming slides.

The next time you have to give a speech or talk, remember these techniques. They have helped

me and I know they will help you!

PUBLIC SPEAKING MINI-COURSE

For students who have a desire to improve their public speaking abilities, I have purchased the

rights to an introductory mini-course on public speaking which consists of four modules or “sessions”

and is available in PDF, MP3, and video formats on the course page. The audios/videos are of a person

reading the PDF material and are not to be viewed as an example of effective speaking (or narrating).

PLEASE NOTE: The PDFs, audios, and videos all contain the same information. Choose which format

works best for you. However, you must at least open the PDF format so the system will count it

as completed for course completion purposes. This means that if you prefer the video format, also

open the PDF format too at least once.

Unfortunately, the purchased rights don’t allow me to edit or alter the material in any way; there-

fore, you will notice a few typos as well as a point or two that will conflict with what you have already

learned here in this course such as the 7%-38%-55% rule applying to general speech (it doesn’t apply).

Also, this mini-course in public speaking will tell you to spend the last 15 minutes of your talk in

“pitching” the audience on whatever products you may be selling. I will offer a couple of words of

caution here. First, people don’t like to be “pitched” and, secondly, 15 minutes is usually far too

long to spend in “pitching” them. It is fine to do a “2-Minute Commercial” of sorts at the end of your

talk. It takes great preparation, practice, and skill to effectively sell an audience on back-of-the-

room products. But don’t let my cautionary statements dissuade you if you have products to sell. Just

do it with discretion and good judgment.

Bear in mind that even if you don’t have products to sell, you are still selling something—your

message. Therefore, you should be “selling” your message throughout your talk and especially in your

conclusion where you will include a “call to action” based on the points in your talk.

And lastly, there is a reference to Donald Trump in Session #1 as an example of an effective public

speaker. Whether he is or isn’t, and regardless of your personal opinion of this man, please remember

that I did not write this public speaking mini course, and I do not have permission to change or alter

it. Therefore, take the reference with a grain of salt, if necessary.

The foregoing being said, this mini-course does include some helpful and valuable information for

beginning and intermediate speakers. Even seasoned speakers might learn something new (or be re-

minded of something forgotten). If you are planning on doing any public speaking whatsoever in your

metaphysics career, then please take the time to review this short mini-course on speaking and prac-

tice what you learn as often as possible (even if it’s in front of the mirror).

Segment 2: Public Speaking and Presentations

Segment 2 Supplemental: Public Speaking Mini-Course

NOTE: Before proceeding to the next section, please review to

the mini-course above on the Course Page for a supplemental dis-

cussion of this section. This information is part of the course.

Thomas Francis University • Course G110 • Segment 1

THE ART OF BEING HUMAN
IN A TECHNOLOGICA

WORLD

(OR, HOW TO BUILD EXCELLENT PEOPLE SKILLS)

—Douglas R. Kelley, PhD, CH, CSL

Updated: May 16, 2023

Upon Completion of this Segment, You Will Know:

• How to be personable, not impersonal.

• How to make your emails more personable and professional.

• Texting etiquette.

The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men,
but that men will begin to think like computers.

—Sydney J. Harris

ife in our modern world can become so fast paced and busy that it can be easy to forget that

we live first and foremost in a human world, not a technological world. Common everyday

courtesies seem to be disappearing. Friendly “hellos” and smiles have largely given way to

the pressures and demands of a “get-it-done-fast-and-move-on-to-the-next-task” mentality. Many

folks are so wrapped up in eking out an existence that they’ve forgotten how to live. We must not

allow technology to rob us of our humanity and assimilate us therefore making us essentially just like

impersonal robots.

An example of this is online forums that offer anonymity to posters. This has led some individuals

to sling “dirt” at others with whom they disagree, or otherwise put people down with ad hominem

attacks. It seems that behind the cloak of anonymity, some people have no problem passive-aggres-

sively saying things that they would never say to another person’s face. In my opinion, they have

allowed technology to rob them of their humanness.

Life is a dish best served with healthy and meaningful interdependent relationships as the main

course, and technology as a side item. In other words, technology should support and enhance our

relationships, not supplant them.

As a human being, is technology unwittingly undermining your relationships with others and assim-

ilating you into its unthinking and unfeeling fold? The primary way to remain human in a technological

world is to be personable, not impersonal. Technology is impersonal; humans should be personable

and down to earth.

Segment 1: The Art of Being Human in a Technological World

As I’ve stated, healthy relationships are inextricably linked to good communication skills. Indeed,

effective communication or people skills are the most important skills you will ever learn.

PRACTICAL WAYS TO SHOW THE ART OF BEING HUMAN

How can you control technology and not let it control you? As with anything, balance is the key.

Consider the following points in this regard.

• Don’t get so focused on “things” that you forget that “things” only matter to the extent that

they benefit someone. If you remove the human component from what you do, will you still

have a job or career? The answer is no, regardless of what you do.

• Smile and greet people as a matter of routine. Does this mean that you need to smile and say

hello to every person you pass on the street? No. It means you should when the time and

occasion is appropriate. It means that you greet others with a bit of a positive spark. It means

that you notice the people you work and live with, and your demeanor reflects it. Be person-

able, not impersonal. Wearing a smile can even affect your mood in a positive way. Have you

ever noticed people who seem to walk around with a continuous smile? (Kind of makes you

wonder what they’re up to! ☺) Try this: Practice putting on a smile when you are all alone.

Consciously wear it for 10 minutes and see if it doesn’t brighten your mood. Do it often and

you might just find yourself one of those smiling people! Now, I’m not necessarily suggesting

that you walk around with a perpetual look of glee on your face, but so what? There are worse

things in the world and a smile is better than a frown!

As a speaker, I’ve spent a lot of time in hotels across the country. As I’ve set up outside the

meeting room in the early morning to do a seminar, people have frequently passed by. I’ve

always made it a point to always say, “Good Morning, how are you?” By way of response, I’ve

gotten everything from being ignored, to a grunt from a guy who hadn’t had his coffee yet, to

a cheerful “Good! And you?” to an obviously religious hotel maintenance worker who replied,

“Blessed and highly favored” (but he didn’t ask how I was doing). Most people only reply by

rote. Few reply with genuine interest. How would you reply?

• Show an interest in people to a reasonable degree. Ask the people you work with about them-

selves, their stories, their aspirations, their dreams, etc., as the occasion may warrant. Listen

to them; you just might learn something about yourself! If you happen to be a manager, meet

with your employees one-on-one or by phone regularly to give them and you a chance to con-

nect. Ask your people about their goals and objectives; ask them how you can help them

achieve these goals. Show an interest in them as human beings.

• Adopt a positive, upbeat, and cheerful outlook. Pat people on the back for a job well done.

Don’t hold back from building others up with a kind and encouraging word when the occasion

warrants. Be enthusiastically happy for others’ successes. A simple encouraging word can work

wonders in people!

MAKING YOUR EMAILS PERSONABLE AND PROFESSIONAL

Your written words tell a story about you and this includes your routine emails. Sending an

initial email to someone is like meeting someone for the first time. What kind of impression do

you want to make? If your message is poorly written and contains typos and punctuation problems,

Segment 1: The Art of Being Human in a Technological World

you probably won’t make a good impression. I frequently receive emails from people I’ve never

met. Far too often, the person just launches into the message without so much as a “Hi” or “Hello”

or an introduction. And then as if to add insult to injury, they expect a response but don’t even

include their name. Spelling can be an entirely different matter as well. When you send emails for

personal or business matters, keep the following points of good email etiquette in mind:

• Strive to reply to emails promptly. Don’t put off sending a reply because it is easy to forget.

• When sending an email that involves a new topic, start a new message. In other words, don’t

use an old email to send a new topic.

• Make sure to place the topic of the email in the “Subject” field. This helps to quickly find an

important email.

• When sending an email to many different people such as all your friends, do not place all of

their email addresses in the “To” or the “CC” fields. Put your own email address in the “To”

field and use the “BCC” (Blind Carbon Copy) field for everyone else. This method hides the

recipients’ email addresses and prevents them from being broadcast and rebroadcast all over

the Net (which then makes the email addresses available to spammers).

• DON’T TYPE WITH ALL CAPS, WHICH IS COMMONLY VIEWED AS SHOUTING IN ONLINE COMMU-

NICATION. Surprisingly, some people still do this.

• don’t type in all lower case. it just sends the message that you are too lazy to punctuate

correctly.make sure that the email you send reflects themessage and image you want to pre-

sent again, punctuate your sentences, and use upper case for the first letter of the first

word of a sentence, as well as people’s names (and yes, this bullet point was deliberately

written without proper punctuation).

• Format your email so that it looks acceptable (see the previous bullet point). Email and web

addresses are commonly formatted with all lower case letters, but the message should not

be.

• Use a salutation or greeting, such as “Hi so-and-so,” “Hey so-and-so,” or “Hello!” etc. Per-

sonalize it with their name. You’ve heard it before: the sweetest word in any language is a

person’s own name. Using people’s names honors and dignifies them as human beings. Of

course, if you are emailing back and forth in a short time frame, you may choose to simply

use “Hey,” or “Hi.” In this situation, it’s only necessary to use the full greeting the first time

around.

• Keep your tone upbeat and your words non-abrasive. Remember that the overall message we

send in face-to-face situations is made up of words, voice tone, and body language. This means

that when you send an email, you are only using one out of three of what’s commonly used in

face-to-face communication. This, in turn, means you must be extra careful that the message

you send is the one you want to send. Don’t use abrupt or abrasive words. Soften your words

with phrases such as, “I was wondering if there is a way to…” or “Is there any way I can ask

you to…” etc. And if you ever get an email that seems a bit abrupt or offensive, give the other

person the benefit of the doubt keeping in mind that only a part of the overall message is

coming through. People usually don’t intend to be offensive.

Segment 1: The Art of Being Human in a Technological World

• While there are always exceptions to rules, generally speaking, do not handle important per-

sonal matters such as discipline or conflict resolution via email. Handle these types of issues

face-to-face if possible, or over the phone if face-to-face is not possible.

• Proof and re-read your email before you send it. If it is a very important email, wait awhile

before you send it, and then re-read it to make sure it sends the overall message you intend

in a professional manner. You can even have a trusted friend proof it before sending.

• Use spell check! It’s importnt to understand this in perspective. We all misspel words occa-

sionally, and try as we may to prufe our ritings, we can miss things at times. The question is

whether we even try to make it wright. When I recieve an email with a single misspelling, I

automatically attribute it to “the one that got by.” But when I see a message that is rifel with

mispellings, it tells me something about the person. To present a professional and competent

image and message, prufe and spell check your emalls (and yes, this bullet point was deliber-

ately misspelled as well).

• Use a closing, such as “Sincerely,” “My best,” “Best wishes,” “All my best,” “Best Regards,”

“Namasté (I bow to the divine in you),” etc. If you are replying to a question, you can include

something like, “Hope this helps!” Doing so will present a good impression. You can also make

your message upbeat with the phrase, “Have a great day!”

• Sign using your name, and if it is someone who doesn’t know you, use your first and last name

along with any signature information you want included.

TEXTING ETIQUETTE

Texting is often a very useful method of communication and has become a way of life for most

people. Below are some things to keep in mind when texting:

• Texting is intended for short messages, not lengthy discussions. Not everyone may have un-

limited texting in their phone plans.

• Try to reply to texts promptly whenever possible. If you can’t reply properly right away, then

text a brief message that says something like, “Bear with me; will reply ASAP.” If a text does

not necessarily require a reply, it is good to at least acknowledge receipt of the text with a

“Thanks!” or a smiley face. Avoid using “K” or “k” as a reply because it is considered rude

much like typing in all caps is considered yelling.

• Be specific in your texts; don’t be ambiguous. Be careful with overusing abbreviations. Not

everyone knows what abbreviations mean. Also, be sure to include your name when texting

to people who may not know you or have your number. You could start with something like,

“Hi, it’s Lisa from the exercise class….”

• Be personable in your texts. Be mindful of the overall tone of your texts. Be careful to not

come off as dismissive or rude. If a text seems negative, assume that it was unintentional.

Many of the same email rules discussed above apply to texting.

• Spell your words correctly and proof your text to catch any potentially embarrassing autofill

mistakes.

• Use emojis sparingly and appropriately. Know what an emoji means before you use it.

Segment 1: The Art of Being Human in a Technological World

• If you receive a text by mistake, respond with something like, “Sorry, wrong number.”

• Do not text while driving or operating machinery. Even though it is illegal to do and even

though we’ve heard this advice numerous times, some people still do it. Don’t be one of those

people.

• One thing that I personally dislike is doing business with strangers solely via text. This is hap-

pening more and more with online selling sites like Craig’s List and Facebook Market Place—

especially among the younger generations. For safety and security reasons, I personally will

never meet with someone to buy or sell an item without first having talked to them on the

phone. After the initial phone call, then texting is fine as appropriate.

Respecting Boundaries when Texting

• Make sure you are texting the right person.

• Don’t text employees, bosses, teachers, students, etc. outside of business hours unless it is

an emergency.

• Don’t text people without their permission. This is called spam. Sometimes, permission can

be implied such as when a legitimate personal or business relationship has been established.

• Don’t text too early in the morning or too late at night and never during the middle of the

night unless it is an emergency. And if it is an emergency, then call instead. Texting outside

of “social hours” is also illegal in many countries (see footnote below). 1

• Don’t keep texting when there is no reply. People don’t always see the text right away or they

may be indisposed at the moment. If your message is urgent, call instead.

• Don’t text bad news or to break up with someone. Talk to them in person if at all possible. If

it’s not possible, then call them.

• Don’t be aggressive or passive-aggressive. Don’t text anything you wouldn’t say face-to-face.

Segment 2 of this course discussed these undesirable communication traits.

• Do not text if you are upset, drunk, or high. Of course, if you are drunk or high, then you

probably won’t remember this advice.

• Never text questionable photos or anything that is private, confidential, or a potential cause

for embarrassment. Never send explicit photos of yourself or another person. It is tasteless,

low-class, and potentially illegal. Also, avoid sexting because you never know where your text

will end up. It could result in a very embarrassing situation.

• Use good judgment regarding texting during certain events or circumstances such as the mov-

ies/theater, concerts, plays, dinners, when in class, or when engaged in a conversation with

someone. Doing so is disrespectful. If you must reply to an important text during one of these

events, politely excuse yourself and find a private area so you do not disrupt others.

• “Ghosting” is a recent term that simply means that you ignore someone such as a friend,

acquaintance, or someone you are dating. Ghosting them means you ignore them and do not

reply to any texts, emails, or phone calls. Ghosting is considered to be bad because a person

1 Texting Laws: https://www.textmagic.com/blog/text-messaging-laws-your-business-should-know.

Segment 1: The Art of Being Human in a Technological World

should have the courage and maturity to let the other person know that a relationship is no

longer desired. In Course MHs.B4: Metaphysical Principles of Enhanced Relationships, the “No-

Contact Rule” is discussed and is similar to but not the same as “Ghosting.” If you are leaving

a toxic relationship and the other person will not leave you alone or is stalking you, then

breaking off all contact (or “Ghosting”) is absolutely recommended and required. Afterall, in

such a circumstance, you have already informed the other person of you decision to end the

relationship and they are not complying.

Remember, we have meaningful relationships with people, not with computers. Relationships are

things to be cherished. When all is said and done, will we look back on our lives and wish we’d had a

better, faster, more feature-rich computer, or the latest iPhone, iPod, or some other “iGadget?” Or

will we wish we’d invested more of the time we had on deepening our relationships with those who

mattered?

One thing is certain: technology will continue to grow and improve, and therefore, we human

beings have a choice. We can either control technology or be controlled by it. We can either use it

to enhance our lives by remaining personable and down to earth, or we can essentially become just

like it by being impersonal to others. Again, we must not allow technology to rob us of our humanity

and assimilate us, making us essentially like robots that can neither think nor feel.

How to be a Master Communicator
Speak Effectively in Any Situation!

www.TFUniversity.org
This eBook was minimally edited by Douglas Kelley, PhD, CH, CSL and is used with permission.

DISCLAIMER AND TERMS OF USE AGREEMENT

The author and publisher have used their best efforts in preparing this report. The
author and publisher make no representation or warranties with respect to the accuracy,
applicability, fitness, or completeness of the contents of this report. The information
contained in this report is strictly for educational purposes. Therefore, if you wish to
apply ideas contained in this report, you are taking full responsibility for your actions.

EVERY EFFORT HAS BEEN MADE TO ACCURATELY REPRESENT THIS
PRODUCT AND IT’S POTENTIAL. HOWEVER, THERE IS NO GUARANTEE THAT
YOU WILL IMPROVE IN ANY WAY USING THE TECHNIQUES AND IDEAS IN THESE
MATERIALS. EXAMPLES IN THESE MATERIALS ARE NOT TO BE INTERPRETED
AS A PROMISE OR GUARANTEE OF ANYTHING. SELF-HELP AND IMPROVEMENT
POTENTIAL IS ENTIRELY DEPENDENT ON THE PERSON USING OUR PRODUCT,
IDEAS AND TECHNIQUES.

YOUR LEVEL OF IMPROVEMENT IN ATTAINING THE RESULTS CLAIMED IN OUR
MATERIALS DEPENDS ON THE TIME YOU DEVOTE TO THE PROGRAM, IDEAS
AND TECHNIQUES MENTIONED, KNOWLEDGE AND VARIOUS SKILLS. SINCE
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RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY OF YOUR ACTIONS.

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SIMILAR TO OURS OR ANYBODY ELSE’S, IN FACT NO GUARANTEES ARE MADE
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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter One

WHAT IS CONVERSATION AND COMMUNICATION?

Chapter Two

BENEFITS OF BEING A GREAT CONVERSATIONALIST

Chapter Three

WHAT MAKES A GREAT COMMUNICATOR?

Chapter Four

DO’S AND DONT’S IN A CONVERSATION

Chapter Five

TOPIC SUGGESTIONS

Chapter Six

HOW TO ASK GOOD QUESTIONS

Chapter Seven

TO BREAK OR NOT TO BREAK (THE ICE)

Chapter Eight

DO TALK TO STRANGERS

Chapter Nine

BE A GREAT CONVERSATIONALIST ON THE PHONE

Chapter Ten

WHEN THERE’S MORE THAN JUST THE TWO OF YOU

Chapter Eleven

JOINING OTHERS IN THEIR CONVERSATION

Chapter Twelve

DEALING WITH DIFFERENT CHARACTERS

Chapter Thirteen

GETTING OUT WITH GRACE

Chapter Fourteen

GETTING YOUR MESSAGE ACROSS

Chapter Fifteen

HOW TO BE A GREAT LISTENER

Chapter Sixteen

READING AND COMMUNICATING WITH THE HUMAN BODY

Chapter Seventeen

TONE OF VOICE, THE OTHER NONVERBAL INDICATOR

Chapter Eighteen

OTHER FACTORS IN SUCCESSFUL COMMUNICATION

Conclusion

Introduction

For most of us, the faculty of speech is something we acquire through the years

as we mature, though there are those who seem more adept at it than others. Why is

it your next-door neighbor finds it so effortless to articulate his disapproval of your dog

relieving itself in his backyard or your car blocking his driveway, whereas you think that

the very act of talking, in any form or kind, is an exercise in futility? Let’s face it. If

we were all born conversationalists, then there would be no such things as

miscommunication and misunderstanding in the world. So don’t be disheartened. If

ease in speaking doesn’t come naturally to you, this e-book is here to help you hone

your skills. Knowing how to be a great conversationalist can be quite handy, too. It can

help you land that dream job you’ve been eyeing for years, or it can give you the

confidence to finally approach that person you’ve been attracted to since third grade.

So if you’re serious and willing to learn and apply this skill in your daily life, read on.

Chapter One

WHAT IS CONVERSATION AND COMMUNICATION?

The Microsoft® Encarta® Dictionary defines conversation as “a casual talk; the

activity of talking, especially informally.” It sounds so easy, and yet so many people

do it wrong, albeit unknowingly. Still, for others, the very idea of conversing is so

dreadful that it is enough to leave their insides, not to mention their tongues, in knots.

Communication is a natural and very essential part of life. Even animals do it.

Humans, however, have evolved from the grunting and groaning of our prehistoric

ancestors to the complex speech patterns and individual nuances of today’s many

languages. And along with that evolution came deterioration, eventually. Truly, the

quality of conversation these days is nothing compared to the so-called ‘verbal jousts’

of yore—healthy, lively banter among peers and strangers alike. Indeed, French

Renaissance writer Michel de Montaigne thought of conversation as ”the most fruitful

and natural exercise of our mind.” So why the seeming decline?

In fact, many of our present-day conflicts stem from either miscommunication,

or a total lack of communication altogether. When we also take into consideration a

person’s culture, circumstances, and state of mind when issuing a certain

communication, what may be harmless to some could actually be quite offensive to

others. For instance, a joke that you find hilarious may be considered in bad taste for

another. When a supervisor barks an order, you may either take it personally or just

assume they’re having a bad day.

Today’s fast-paced, technologically advanced but emotionally detached lifestyle

plays a huge part in this misunderstanding, as well as in the decline of quality

conversation. Because there is an overabundance of hi-tech, though impersonal, ways

of communicating—texting, email, instant messaging—face-to-face discussion has been

rendered practically obsolete. Or if not, it is largely deemed an inconvenience. Really,

why talk in person when all it takes is a few clicks or keypad presses to state your

message? And so, many people have lost touch with that human connection that was

once innate in all of us.

Perhaps it is time to reclaim it.

In recent years, emphasis has slowly shifted from IQ, or intellectual quotient, to

EQ, or emotional quotient, as the greater barometer for just how successful a person

becomes in life. In almost all jobs, having the right people skills is one of the foremost

requirements expected of applicants. At the very heart of these people skills is an

above average aptitude for communication. The master communicator, therefore, is

the one who is able to express him/herself with more clarity and precision, the one

who is able to relate to clients and coworkers alike with equal ease and confidence,

the one the boss turns to in order to get things done. In short, if you are a master

communicator, you are a winner and a leader, not only in the workplace, but also in

life.

Being a huge success, however, cannot be achieved alone. You’ll need all the

help you can get, and this is where communication comes in.

Communication skills have proven to be so extremely critical that they are part

of all major business schools’ MBA curricula. Special courses on communication, public

speaking, and speech power are legion, and the fact that you have to pay good money

to enroll in these courses and learn all about the basics of communication is a testament

to its importance and indispensability. Unless you are a hermit entirely cut off from all

human contact, you won’t be able to survive without communication.

Indeed, communication has ballooned into a multi-billion dollar industry, and

today we are connected in ways that people a mere generation ago would never have

imagined. Mobile phones, video conferencing, wireless Internet—the possibilities are

endless! But, as stated earlier, as advanced as these modern devices and systems are,

they have only made face-to-face communication and personal correspondence that

much more rare and precious. Do you even remember the last time you wrote a

handwritten letter and mailed it the old-fashioned way? Have you ever even done so

at all? Or how about meetings at the office? Was there ever a time you did not think

they were a complete waste of time and that communiqués via email would be more

practical and efficient?

The capacity to converse and communicate is an invaluable skill that, though

currently overlooked for more futuristic means, will never fade away. After perusing

this e-book, and given time and practice, there is no reason why you, dear listener,

should not become a master communicator and a great conversationalist yourself.

Chapter Two

BENEFITS OF BEING A GREAT CONVERSATIONALIST

Whether at home, at school, at work, or even at the bus stop, being able to

converse properly and communicate clearly is imperative. And to be more relevant to

21st century telecommunication, you could translate this ability onto paper or onscreen,

so that even email can be less impersonal and more of a friendly exchange or

correspondence.

Perhaps the most impressive of these benefits is that being a great

conversationalist can turn any social setting into a land of opportunity for you to market

yourself and expand your list of contacts that might proven invaluable in future business

endeavors. The more you stand out when it comes to small talk and mingling, the more

people will remember you, which is always good in any enterprise. Not to mention the

heads that will turn in your direction. Being a great conversationalist is a very sexy and

attractive trait, indeed, and people will be drawn to you as a result.

On a more personal level, simply taking time out to sit with a loved one, a friend,

or even a stranger and engaging them in heartfelt conversation is an excellent chance

for you to bond and get to know each other more. You get exposed to different points

of view, plus you learn to be open-minded and more accepting of others. It’s a very

humbling experience, too, because you realize that there is so much you don’t know—

until you reach out and talk to someone.

Likewise, you learn to be less selfish and more considerate, because being a

great conversationalist means focusing more on the other person rather than yourself.

You begin to think in terms of how to make the other person feel more special by

directing your full attention on them. By doing so, you make them feel good about

themselves, and they derive a sense of importance and self-worth from it, and this is

an amazing gift you can give anyone at absolutely no cost, thus benefiting you and your

conversation partner.

Chapter Three

WHAT MAKES A GREAT COMMUNICATOR?

You are a master communicator if you are able to get your message across,

clearly and concisely. The late Ronald Reagan, 40th President of the United States, was

known as the ‘Great Communicator’ precisely because of his ability to reach out to

people from all walks of life and make the biggest impact with the simplest and most

basic of words. He spoke words of substance and did so while keeping his public in

mind at all times. He did not regale them with grandiose elocutions and flamboyant,

highfalutin language. Instead, he paid careful attention to their reactions and was

more concerned with conveying his meaning effectively and making his listeners

understand him. So if a certain speech did not work, he made sure the next one did,

and that made people respond to him positively and appreciatively.

Surprisingly enough, the key to being a great conversationalist lies not in your

gift of gab. Rather, it is your ability to listen that should mainly come into play. The

average human being is capable of uttering about 150 words a minute. Compare that

to the 500-600 words that the brain can process in the same amount of time. This is

why it takes so much more effort to listen rather than talk. And so you find yourself

drifting away into sweet oblivion when a particularly chatty coworker accosts you at

the water cooler. It takes time, discipline, and a whole lot of patience to develop a

talent for listening. This will be discussed further as we go along.

Lastly, you are a master communicator if you have great conversation skills.

Conversation takes place when there are two or more parties involved and the message

is successfully passed from point A to point B. But what happens when it turns into a

one-way street and transmission does not flow back from point B to point A?

Here you will learn that in order for a conversation to be considered successful,

you will have to talk less. A great conversationalist does not need to do all or most of

the talking. Rather, it is the conversation partner who will happily carry that burden

unsuspectingly. And you will find, to your pleasant surprise, that the other person will

be most responsive as well. Remember, a great conversationalist is the one who asks

good questions, and then listens intently to the answers.

Chapter Four

DO’S AND DONT’S IN A CONVERSATION

What to Do

Here’s how to achieve the right skills and cultivate them, and you’ll be a great

conversationalist in no time:

It takes two to tango. Know what type of person you’re talking to. Be sensitive

to their own personality and adjust your approach accordingly. Some are more

shy and withdrawn than others, so don’t be too aggressive and come out with

guns a-blazing or you’ll scare them off. Do they look you straight in the eye or

prefer tracing mental patterns on the floor? Be confident and refreshing to put

them more at ease. Being nervous yourself won’t make things any better. If you

can’t help it, at least take consolation in the thought that the other person is

just as nervous as you are, and that puts you on level ground. Nervous habits

include touching your face, especially your mouth, or raising your glass to your

lips even if you’re not drinking. Resist the urge to move in such a way. Always

be aware of yourself and try to control your mannerisms. Relax. Smile and greet

the other person. Introduce yourself. Reintroduce yourself if you’ve met

previously. Never assume that they remember you. If they do, let them say so.

Check yourself at the door. You already know you anyway, so forget about you

and find out more about the person with whom you’re conversing. If there’s one

subject a person knows best, it is him/herself, though they may not always get

the opportunity to talk about that certain favorite topic of theirs. No doubt they

will definitely be grateful if you give them the chance to do so. What makes

them tick? Be avidly curious. If you can steer the conversation so that they do

most of the talking and you do most of the listening, rest assured that by the end

of it, the other person will think you were the great conversationalist.

Ask, ask, ask. How do you get a person to talk? By asking questions, of course.

Not the kind that get monosyllabic or one-word answers, though, but more

substantial open-ended questions that will allow the other person to share more

information. Start off with the usual who, what, when, and where. Later you

might try using questions that begin with, “Tell me about…” or “What do you

think about…?” Don’t be so preoccupied with what you’re going to say next that

you fail to catch what the other person is saying. Pay attention instead, and

after they talk, react to what they said. Even more questions can be derived

from the answers they give, and on and on it will go, enough to keep the two of

you busy for quite a while. Slow down, though. Don’t bombard them with rapid-

fire queries. Give them room to breathe. It’s a conversation, not an

interrogation.

Ask some more. This is where the more in-depth why and how come in. Ask

the other person to expound on their answers with questions like “Why is that?”

and “How do you mean?” Remember, not only are you making friends, but you

are also getting an opportunity to learn new things. There is a wealth of

information you can gain just by listening to others. You’ll be surprised how

eager they’ll be to share with you what they know if they see you are genuinely

interested and have a sincere desire to learn from them. Encourage them to

open up to you. You might say that understanding the other person is one of the

more noble goals of any conversation. When you ask questions, you get to know

them more, thus, you get to understand them more. Give and take is the way

to go, however. Though you’ll mostly be the ‘interviewer,’ you’ll know the other

person is a great conversationalist as well if they ask you questions in return and

want to get to know you, too. But remember to keep yourself in constant check

as you might easily get carried away and launch into a never-ending

autobiographical discourse till you drop.

Rewind and replay. Use phrases like “So you’re saying…” and “Let me see if I

understand you correctly…” and then repeat in your own words what you’ve just

learned from them. It will show you’ve really been paying attention and they

will appreciate you a great deal for it and think very highly of you in the end.

Name game. Don’t forget to mention the other person’s name at least once or

twice during the course of the conversation. This will help you remember it. It

is also to get their attention and subtly get them to focus on what you are saying.

Also, people derive pleasure from being addressed that way. They like hearing

their name spoken, but not too much as it can get annoying when overdone.

Pause. Think before responding, especially if you tend to disagree with what’s

been said. The last thing you’d want is to appear hostile and offend or

antagonize the other person by going into attack mode all of a sudden. Choose

your words carefully and be tactful. Pausing likewise serves another purpose,

and that is to gauge whether or not the other person has, in fact, finished

speaking. They may simply be stopping for a breather and have more to add,

but by not pausing before taking your turn, you might interrupt them

unintentionally.

Relax. Lulls in conversation are quite common and are nothing to panic over.

Take the opportunity to go over your discussion and see if you’ve missed anything

that is worth mentioning again. Bring up a new topic from that. Or use the

break to gracefully segue into another unrelated subject altogether.

Be in the know. Just because you’ll be doing most of the asking and listening

doesn’t mean you are excused from making timely and thought-provoking

remarks. Quite the contrary. If you can inject your conversation with witticisms

and wordplay, it is a very good indicator of a highly capable and dynamic intellect

and people will be drawn to you as a result. On the other hand, if you haven’t

the slightest clue what’s going on in the world, or the last thing you read was a

required textbook back in high school, people will find you dull and

uninteresting. So read, expand your vocabulary, watch the news, and never

allow your mind to become static. See to it that you never run out of pertinent

things to comment on and talk about.

Mind your body language. Face the other person squarely. Smile. Maintain eye

contact. Lean slightly forward to assure them you’re really listening.

Mind their body language. Be sensitive to the other person’s actions and

reactions. Are they getting anxious or irritable? Do their eyes keep darting to

their watch or their cellphone or the exit? Perhaps you are beginning to bore

them, in which case you must know when to shut up.

Know when the conversation is truly over. Alas, eventually all good things

must come to an end. Shake hands and express to the other person what a

pleasure it was to talk to them. And because they found you to be a great

conversationalist, they will very likely seek you out again on future occasions.

What Not to Do

Just as there are things to remember during a conversation, there are several

don’ts to keep in mind as well. Here’s what not to do when engaging in a conversation:

Brag. No one wants to hear about how much your brand-new Lamborghini cost,

or how you managed to seal a lucrative business deal in record time, unless it is

specifically asked of you to share your incredible story. It’s always best to

remain humble, both in words and deeds.

Gloat. If you’ve just been promoted at work and a colleague vying for the same

position was overlooked in favor of you, do not rub it in their face or turn the

conversation back to your promotion over and over again. It’s insensitive, not

to mention irritating to everyone else you remind of your great triumph ad

nauseam.

Be a know-it-all. Do not act superior and above everyone. Avoid employing the

“I know more than you” tactic. Nothing kills a conversation quite like a know-

it-all. Really, why would anyone even bother having a conversation with you in

the first place if you know everything already and make darn sure they don’t

forget it?

Give unsolicited advice. Though you may argue that your intentions are good

and you have only the other person’s welfare in mind, touching as that may

seem, hold your tongue unless they ask for your input directly. Telling them

outright how to properly lose excess poundage or which anti-aging cream will

work best on their face will only offend them. In other words, mind your own

business.

Steal someone’s thunder. If a coworker is currently basking in the much-

deserved limelight and telling their story to willing listeners, do not snatch away

the attention they’re getting by butting in and imparting your own experiences

in the same situation or circumstance. Worse yet, do not imply that you are

better than they are.

Interrupt and contradict. Just because you presume to know what the other is

going to say does not give you license to cut them off. If you don’t even have

the decency to let them finish what they’re saying, no one will want to talk to

you. And while disagreeing in private or in a respectful manner is acceptable,

actively contradicting almost everything isn’t, and you shouldn’t seize the

opportunity merely to showcase your debating skills.

Hog the mic or monopolize the conversation. You will only come across as

someone who relishes the sound of their own voice, and nobody likes people who

care more about being heard than about actually conversing. You might as well

perform a soliloquy while you’re at it. And if nobody else is interested, do not

force the subject you want to talk about on them. If the conversation has moved

on to different things, don’t keep going back to the topic you want to discuss if

your listeners are obviously tired of it.

Pry. Asking questions is fine, so long as you steer clear of the more personal

ones like how much they weigh or who they went out with the night before and

what that led to.

Overuse conversation fillers like, “Yes,” “I see,” “Uh-huh,” or “Is that so?”

Use them sparingly, if at all, otherwise it will appear as though you are merely

trying to be polite though you’re not really listening, or rushing the other person

into getting to the point of their story, or worse, the end of it.

Fidget. This signals unease and that you’d rather go find something better to do

than just suffer through a conversation. Sit still. Do not nod repeatedly and

robotically. Try your best to keep your mind and your eyes from wandering

everywhere else and focusing on anything but the person in front of you, or you

risk offending them.

Stare. Maintaining eye contact is essential, but don’t be looking hungrily at any

other part of their anatomy. It is rude and it will make them uncomfortable, if

they haven’t already fled from your presence. This is a surefire way to get

people to avoid you at all costs.

Discuss touchy subjects like politics and religion, unless you’re fairly certain

the other person shares similar views to your own, in which case it is relatively

safe to talk.

Pick a fight. Do not argue, especially just for the sake of arguing, and don’t

belittle the other person’s opinions while imposing your own upon them. Worse,

do not end up insulting the other person or someone they know. Name-calling is

a huge no-no! You wouldn’t want to appear childish and immature.

Laugh when you don’t mean it. If your boss cracks a bad joke and you think

you can score brownie points by laughing, think again. Fake laughter is one of

those things that can be detected a mile away. It’s embarrassing, insulting to

whoever is at the hearing end of it, and you’ll only make a fool of yourself.

Chapter Five

TOPIC SUGGESTIONS

So now you know how to be a great conversationalist, what to do, and what not

to do. But what should you talk about? Although it is near impossible to be interested

in everything, try to be as open and broadminded as you can. It’ll be so much easier

for you to appreciate and carry on a great conversation if almost all subjects the other

person talks about intrigue you, too. You don’t have to be a theater aficionado or an

authority on reptiles or a Scottish Highland games expert. But if you learn to see the

world from the other person’s point of view, you just might begin to understand and

value the things they find fascinating, and that makes for some really good

conversation. Always read and study, learn and remember. The more you know, the

more you’ll be interested. And the more interested you are, the more you’ll know.

Here are some suggestions, just some of the most common things under the sun

that people discuss. But do not limit yourself to this list. If you can think of some more

to add here, all the better:

• The weather. Formulaic as it is, it does have its practical uses, especially if

a hurricane warning’s just been issued or you’re snowed in and stranded at a

convenience store with fellow customers.

• Gadgets, especially if the other person has one, like a cell phone or a PDA.

• Movies or TV shows you’ve both seen recently. If the other person hasn’t

seen the same film or show, be considerate enough not to give away the

ending.

• Current events or the latest news (if they’re not touchy or controversial).

And not gossip, mind you, or you risk appearing shallow and superficial and

the other person might even end up thinking you will most likely gossip about

them to someone else.

• Jobs or hobbies. What does the other person do for a living? For fun? What

are they doing right now? Are they working on a book? What’s it about? Do

they go mountain-climbing on weekends? Where have they been? How does

it feel to be on top of the world, literally speaking? Do they paint or play an

instrument? How long have they been doing so? Who are their influences?

• Find common ground, or things you might both be interested in, like favorite

books, music, or sports. This ought to be enough to keep the two of you

occupied for hours. After all, having something in common is how most

friendships and relationships start off.

• Good food or highly recommended recipes and restaurants. Who doesn’t

enjoy a good meal?

• Home or family matters, if you’ve both got similar circumstances. Otherwise,

leave your marriage and child-rearing expertise at home or save it for a fellow

parent. If the other person’s single, they probably won’t want to hear that

kind of thing.

• Do not talk about sex, past relationships, divorce, or any other topic you

wouldn’t normally talk about with complete strangers. If you have a health

condition, do not describe each and every symptom you’ve ever had and all

the medical procedures you’ve ever undergone in terrifyingly accurate detail

(and never offer to show them your scars!). If there’s something you’re just

dying to talk about, but the other person is unresponsive to it, be gracious

enough to change the subject to one that’s acceptable to both of you.

Chapter Six

HOW TO ASK GOOD QUESTIONS

Have you ever attempted small talk with someone, only for it to lapse into

awkward and uncomfortable silence every two seconds? Discussing the mundane may

seem like the easiest ticket to Conversationville, and it probably is. Everybody’s got to

start somewhere, right? “Do you play sports?” “What type of music do you listen to?”

But wanting to know the basics, their likes and dislikes, gets old after a while. It would

be quite strange if you were on your second or third meeting (or date) and you’re still

inquiring about their favorite movie of all time. If you really wish to get to know a

person and discover their innermost thoughts and desires, then all you have to do is

ask.

Francis Bacon said, “A prudent question is one half of wisdom.” There’s

something about a good question that simply demands a reply. You’d be surprised how

ready most people are to answer. Therefore, if you want good answers, ask good

questions. Help the other person give you a satisfactory response by knowing the right

things to ask. How do you know if a question is good? One indication would be its

originality: if nobody else has thought of it before or if it has rarely been brought up.

For instance, instead of asking the usual, “What do you do and why did you choose that

particular career path?” you could ask good-humoredly, “Have you always wanted to

be a systems analyst since you were a kid?” And from there you could branch out into

the other person’s earliest ambition in life, what they were like as a child, and whether

they would do things differently if they could. Coming up with very original and offbeat

questions may be quite difficult, so one way to help yourself is to think of something

you would like to answer. What would you want other people to ask you? If you need

extra help, do some research beforehand. The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock, PhD

offers ideas and conversation starters you might want to try out, like “Would you accept

20 years of extraordinary happiness and fulfillment if it meant you would die at the end

of the period?” It’s interesting, thought-provoking, and not at all a touchy subject to

bring up with a stranger. It just might lead you to discover each other’s personal values

and philosophies in life, without resorting to fierce debate and, heaven forbid,

fisticuffs.

Another way to know for sure that you’re on the right track with your questioning

is if the other person actually stops to think, to wrack their brains and dig into their

memory bank for what to say. Treat their answer like a gem of a story that needs to

be told. People like to tell stories after all. Don’t just gather information about them,

ask for their opinions. The best question is the one that leads to deep and meaningful

conversation, the tiniest spark that ignites the entire crate of fireworks.

Lastly, and most importantly, listen. It doesn’t matter how trivial their point or

how tiny and insignificant their statement may seem. Be attentive to everything they

have to say and the way in which they say it, especially if it is in response to a question

you asked, and you will gain keen insight into what kind of person they are.

Chapter Seven

TO BREAK OR NOT TO BREAK (THE ICE)

Approaching the other person and beginning the conversation is perhaps the most

difficult part of it. But once you get that out of the way, it’s all smooth sailing from

there, depending on how you handle the rest of it. Start off with a sincere compliment.

Note the word ‘sincere.’ If you can’t be so, it’s better not to say anything at all rather

than appear artificial and patronizing. Say something nice about the person’s tie or

handbag or shoes, but never get too personal like commenting on their looks or body as

this might make them self-conscious and ill at ease, despite your good intentions and

positive feedback. Never compliment yourself or go fishing for compliments. The other

person will do that for you if you prove to be deserving enough. And when they do

compliment you, say ‘Thank you’ or ‘Thanks, I’m glad you approve.’ If they tell you,

“I like your shirt,” do not answer, “This old thing? You should see my whole wardrobe

collection.”

Also, always take it easy. Everybody loves a great sense of humor. Never take

yourself too seriously or you’ll come off as boring and severe. Nobody wants to hang

around someone who’s got about as much humor as a corpse.

A crucial tip: be truthful. Remember to talk only of things you are

knowledgeable about. Do not pretend to know more than you really do. Don’t attempt

to impress the other person by making up all kinds of tall tales that will most likely trip

you in the future when you can’t quite recall what you told to whom.

Chapter Eight

DO TALK TO STRANGERS

You’re not going to get anywhere by sitting in front of the TV at home every

night or supergluing yourself to your cubicle seat at the office. Get up and mingle. Use

your newfound knowledge in the art of conversation and put it to good use. The more

you do, the better you’ll become at it, till it is all but second nature to you.

The rule “Don’t talk to strangers” is fine for children, but as an adult, you want

to find ways to enlarge your circle of acquaintances. Get involved in clubs, groups, or

organizations, whether socio-civic, professional, or recreational. The idea is that while

you learn new ideas and impart your own, you also meet as many new people as you

can. You never know just how many friendships or potential business partners and

contacts you may gain from these events. Try and find one person you are not familiar

with, and approach them first. Engage them in conversation and get to know them.

Don’t worry about being ignored or rejected. The fact that they’ve joined the same

organization means they’re there to meet new people, too, and will be quite eager to

respond to you. Relate to everyone. Do not make distinctions by gravitating toward

the richest or best dressed or most popular. More often than not, it is the most

unassuming one who is the most interesting individual with the best stories to tell. The

more diverse each person’s background is, the better, as you can gain exposure to

whole new sets of beliefs, ideas, and perspectives in life you would normally be

unaware of had you kept to yourself or stayed at home.

If you’re ever on a bus, train, or subway, and you find yourself just dying to talk

to that very nice-looking stranger you come across, do not hesitate. Their stop might

be coming up soon, and you may never see them again. However, don’t be too

aggressive in your approach, as people don’t always like to be bothered on their daily

commute. There are some who are willing to converse, and it’s up to you to decide

whether or not to take the risk and find out. So be nice yourself, and courteous, and

interesting enough to merit the other person’s attention. But proceed with caution if

you notice they are accompanied. If you see that they’re more than just acquaintances

by the way they hold hands or even kiss, admit defeat and leave them alone. But maybe

the person at their side is just a friend or a sibling, or even another stranger who’s

thinking of making friends with them, too. In that case you may go ahead and approach

them. If the person is alone, notice whether their left ring finger is bare. (If not, be

sensible enough to respect it.). If you see them at the bus stop or the station, wait till

they board so you can find a seat or a place across from them for better eye contact.

Or if they are seated and you aren’t, make sure you don’t stand too close to them.

When your eyes do meet, try to hold their gaze for about two seconds, then break it

and glance away. Wait another 30 seconds before looking back at them, and when they

meet your eyes again, smile. If they return the gesture, that can be a very good

indication of your chance of success. Read their body language and be aware of your

own. Is the other person open to conversation? Or do they turn away and put

headphones on or busy themselves with a book or newspaper? If they’re responsive,

ask for directions, like how to get to the library or the museum, for instance. It doesn’t

really matter what you ask, as long as the answers will be more than a ‘yes’ or a ‘no.’

The objective is to get the other person to talk to you. Hopefully, you can make small

talk from whatever answers they give. If they entertain and accommodate you, it

means they’re interested in getting to know you as well and you are in luck. If they

aren’t interested, you’ll be able to discern it pretty early on, so you might as well just

leave them in peace.

It takes a certain amount of courage to approach a stranger on public transport,

and if you’re the type who can’t bear to be rejected, especially in such a public setting,

you could get off at the next stop and take another ride if you’re too embarrassed by

the turn of events. Do keep in mind, though, that you mustn’t take rejection

personally, as the other person may simply be too shy or mortified about the prospect

of meeting strangers on a bus or a train. Perhaps under different circumstances, they

might have been more than willing to strike up a conversation. The bottom line is,

you’ll never really know for sure unless you take a chance. The worst that could happen

is that you remain strangers and perhaps never see each other again. But the opposite

could also occur and you might end up the best of friends—maybe even a whole lot

more than that.

It’s always important, though, to use your gut instinct and common sense. If a

certain person is a suspicious-looking character to you, someone whose mug seems to

have come straight out of a most-wanted flyer, then perhaps it is best to move on. And

while introducing yourself, give only your first name. You may choose to give your last

name only when you’ve gotten to know them more closely and are fairly sure they do

not have ill intentions toward you, like stealing your identity or clearing out your bank

account. More importantly, do not give out your address or any other personal

information because they could be an axe-murderer, for all you know. And the same

should go for them as well, because as far as they’re concerned, you could be the axe-

murderer.

It is quite understandable that you might be very reluctant to go out and actually

communicate, especially with the opposite sex. This condition is rather common and

all it takes, really, is practice. If, however, you suffer from a more extreme form of

social anxiety, like an irrational fear or phobia of social interaction, you might want to

seek professional assistance or get counseling.

Chapter Nine

BE A GREAT CONVERSATIONALIST ON THE PHONE

The same rules for face-to-face conversation pretty much apply here as well.

Take note that body language is still important, despite the fact that you can’t even

see each other or that oceans separate the two of you. Smile anyway, and keep on

doing so. The other person will, in fact, hear you smiling. Compose yourself as though

the other person were right in front of you. The expression you wear on your face can

actually affect the tone of your voice. As for the tone of the person on the other end

of the line, you’re going to have to listen twice as hard as when talking in the flesh as

there’s no other way for you to tell what their own actions and reactions are. Are they

pausing too much? Do they sound tense, nervous, or hesitant? Perhaps they’re smiling

as well? Pick a single focal point in the room and stick to it as though you were

maintaining eye contact. This keeps your eyes from roaming and becoming distracted,

lest you leave out valuable information. Try not to grip the handset too tightly or press

it too firmly to your ear. Sit back, relax, breathe deeply, and speak slowly. Your casual

and conversational air will reflect in your own tone of voice and will travel through the

phone lines to put the other person at ease. If the conversation is of a more official

nature, sit up straight and mind your posture. You will come across as calm, confident,

and professional.

Check every now and then if they understood what you just said, or take a pause

in your conversation as an opportunity to ask them to clarify something you might have

missed or misunderstood. Do this more often than you would during a face-to-face

discussion. Again, go back and recap to be sure nothing is lost in your conversation and

mutual comprehension is achieved.

Also, avoid doing non-related work on the computer while talking on the phone.

If you have children and tried to talk to them while they were absorbed in a video game,

you know what I mean. People can tell when you are distracted on the phone.

Chapter Ten

WHEN THERE’S MORE THAN JUST THE TWO OF YOU

Whether at social functions, class discussions, group study, or brainstorming

sessions at work, conversation can take place on a much bigger and broader level with

more than just two people communicating. Though you may not be the official

‘discussion leader,’ you can maneuver the conversation in such a way that everyone

gets a chance to chip in. Of course, in any social setting, there will always be the more

vocal members who will all but drown out everybody else. You can likewise expect

varied personalities and differing reactions. Some may get easily angered, others more

upset, especially when their beliefs and opinions are challenged. That’s human nature

and you can’t change it. You can, however, try and strike a balance by listening to all

their views, and then asking the less aggressive ones for their take on the matter or

whatever it is you are discussing. Don’t pressure them into talking, but give them time

to gather their thoughts. Encourage them to speak, and respect and value everyone’s

opinions equally. This will rein in the more verbal ones and boost the confidence of

the quieter ones. Maintain eye contact with everyone. This assures them that no one

gets left out and you’re all in it together.

Do not attempt to unleash the full contents of your brain upon the hapless

population. That’s what blogs are for; either people read you or they don’t. At least

they have a choice in the matter. But when they are faced with an auditory barrage of

opinions from you with no signs of let-up in the immediate future, they may endure it

for the sake of propriety, but that doesn’t mean they’ll appreciate it. You may have

stated your bit (or whole chunks of it), but it will be at their expense, and neither you

nor the others would want that. Instead, in any civilized forum, try and act as a

moderator of sorts. Volley questions around and let each person have a touch of the

ball or a turn at the mike.

But perhaps you are nervous in the presence of many. You may argue that a one-

on-one conversation is nerve-wracking enough, not to mention a conversation involving

an entire group of people. Maybe you are one of those who would rather disappear into

the background and let others do the talking.

First of all, try and put things into perspective. Why are you nervous in the first

place? There is no logical and rational reason why you should be. It’s a simple

conversation, not a graded recitation. If you’re afraid of being ridiculed for what you

have to say, don’t be. The world’s not going to end just because you voice ideas you

think aren’t good enough. Your insights are just as important as anybody else’s.

Take a deep breath and get that oxygen flowing through your bloodstream and

up into your brain. Breathe out before talking, as holding it in will only make you even

more nervous. Speak up if you disagree with something or you may regret it somewhere

down the line. If you don’t speak up, you might unconsciously pave the way for people

to walk all over you. If something’s not making sense to you, ask questions. Not only

will this clear up any confusion you—as well as others in the group—may be having, but

this also gives you an avenue for further discussion. If you share your knowledge and

expertise, people will know what to approach you for in the future. Take note of their

talents and interests for the same reason. Always be respectful.

Chapter Eleven

JOINING OTHERS IN THEIR CONVERSATION

This is much trickier since you weren’t there when the conversation started.

Therefore, you don’t know what it is they are talking about. So it wouldn’t be wise to

just plunge into the unknown lest you blurt out something stupid or completely

inappropriate and make everyone uncomfortable as a result. Or worse, do not come

barging in and change the topic completely. If you’ve got something to add, do so at

the most opportune moment, not while someone else is talking or holding court. If you

don’t know what they are discussing, ask politely and express your interest and they’ll

most likely accommodate you. You have to “work” your way into the conversation a

little at a time.

Do remember to be sensitive to the others’ body language. Perhaps it is a private

conversation, for their ears only, and you just might end up intruding. If that’s the

case, back away and leave them to their privacy.

Chapter Twelve

DEALING WITH DIFFERENT CHARACTERS

Unless you live under a rock, you can expect to encounter all sorts of

personalities—whether it be the motor-mouth, the meanie, or the mute—at least once

in your lifetime. That is why it is important for your people skills to be up to the task,

so that you will be prepared to handle any type of situation and carry on a decent

conversation, no matter who it is you’re sharing it with.

People who talk too much are more of a nuisance than anything else. Sure, some

of them may actually be a source of amusement and even enlightenment, but let’s face

it: motor-mouths are just plain annoying, especially when there’s simply no room or

time to accommodate them. But maybe they are just insecure deep down. Perhaps

they are driven to talk excessively because it gets them noticed and they bask in the

attention their gift of blab brings them. If your get-that-faraway-look-in-your-eyes-

and-yawn ploy doesn’t drive home the message, you’ll have to try a more direct

approach. If it’s a coworker who talks a mile a minute, just say, “Sorry, but I really

need to get back to work” or “Could we continue this some other time? I’m way behind

my schedule.” They’ll have no choice but to let you go. The good-natured ones won’t

take it personally, but there are those that do, and that’s when it gets a bit trickier.

Don’t worry about hurting their feelings if you know for a fact—and your other

coworkers agree with you—that their talkativeness disrupts productivity. Better they

be stopped than risk the good of the majority. (More on dealing with an excessive

talker in the next chapter.)

At the other end of the spectrum, there are some people who are naturally quiet.

They would rather listen than talk. Believe it or not, some even take pleasure in just

allowing the other person to go on and on, provided that other person talks sense. So

don’t be immediately discouraged if you try and strike up a conversation and all you

get in response is “Mmm” and “Uh-huh.” You’ll be able to tell by their body language

whether they’re not interested and are merely being polite, or if they’re genuinely into

your subject though they may not say much. Be patient and they’ll warm up to you

eventually. Just because a person is quiet doesn’t mean they’re unfriendly. Give them

time to adjust and get comfortable with you, and try not to call attention to their

quietness. They already know that and don’t need you to point it out. They’ll open up

when they’re ready. Meanwhile, you’ll have to take over the role of the speaker more

often, which shouldn’t be a problem. You’ve already got a wealth of information from

which to draw whatever topic may be of use at the moment, so go ahead and talk. But

ask for their own input from time to time. See if they agree or disagree and why. Don’t

expect them to just do a 180-degree turn and get chatty all of a sudden, though. It

may be a slow and gradual process, but one that should be pleasant and enjoyable for

you both.

If the other person is the type who seems to have a grudge against the world,

who lambastes everything and everyone within their peripheral vision, or who can’t

open their mouth without letting loose a string of shocking profanities, it’s best to just

avoid them altogether. If not, employ the same pretext you would use on the talkers

and excuse yourself. Perhaps you could bring them to your supervisor’s attention so

that something can be done about their destructive behavior.

Chapter Thirteen

GETTING OUT WITH GRACE

There are good conversations. And then there are conversations that scream

“Run like hell.” Much as you loathe admitting it, there are times when you wind up in

a conversation that just bores you to tears. It may seem to you that it is going nowhere

fast, or straight to that place where conversations go to die. Either the other person is

a walking advertisement for what not to do in a conversation and knows only the

pronouns I, me, and mine, or they are more tight-lipped than a clam, no matter how

hard you try to get them to talk.

If it is the former you are faced with, and despite all your best efforts to keep

your tête-à-tête from becoming too one-sided, you still find yourself wishing you’d

never approached them in the first place, you can wait for that crucial pause or lull

(pray that it happens). When it comes you could say, “I’m sorry, I would love to hear

more, but so and so just walked in and I have something very important I must discuss

with him/her.” You might also excuse yourself to answer a phone call you’ve been

waiting for all night. Thank the person, shake hands, say it was a pleasure meeting

them, and then do exactly what it is you said you were going to do. You don’t want to

appear like a liar. On the other hand, you don’t want to hurt their feelings either by

being so blatantly anxious to get away from them. Just keep in mind that whatever

you do, do so politely, tactfully, and with grace.

If it is the opposite kind of person you encounter, there is no need for excuses.

Simply go straight to thanking the person for the time and pleasure of their company,

and move on. Make no apologies. Most likely, they’ll be relieved you left them alone.

You should be able to tell the difference between a person who’s simply quiet, as

opposed to someone with serious antisocial tendencies. Don’t think that you have failed

as a conversationalist when you are given the cold shoulder. It happens to everyone

and there will always be at least one person in every situation who’d rather be

somewhere else, preferably in blessed solitude.

Conversely, you yourself might not be up to the task of talking, especially if

you’re on your way to work and chatting it up with complete strangers during your

commute is the last thing you want to do. So make sure you have a music player with

you, or anything with headphones or earphones. Or simply earphones will do and you

can just pretend you’re preoccupied with your music, as long as it’s not too obvious

your earphones are merely props. You could also read a book, a magazine, or a

newspaper. Text your friends or tinker with your phone, or just close your eyes

altogether and pretend to be asleep. Hopefully, people will get the picture and stay

away from you. If you can’t do any of these things for lack of props or simply because

you are rendered less aware and alert of your surroundings when doing so and you

wouldn’t want to be, just occupy a place with the fewest passengers, as much as

possible. Don’t make eye contact as some people may take that as an invitation for

them to approach you.

Chapter Fourteen

GETTING YOUR MESSAGE ACROSS

Earlier it was mentioned that in order to be a master communicator, you must

be able to express your intentions in a clear and precise way so that no

misunderstandings take place.

When giving speeches or when selling commodities and services, you must first

know your audience or your customers. If it was just you and another person, you’d

make an effort to find out about that other person, wouldn’t you? But if you were to

speak in public, before a large group of spectators, or if you wanted to be effective in

business, marketing, or advertising, you would do the same, only on a much grander

scale.

Jack Welch, former Chairman and CEO of General Electric, and an advocate of

simplicity, once said, “Insecure managers create complexity.” Don’t be vague and

esoteric. Use simple, straightforward language and do away with unnecessary jargon

that will not only confuse your listeners, but will irritate them and cause them to lose

interest. If they don’t understand you, how do you expect to hold their attention?

Therefore, never make the mistake of assuming that they already know what you are

talking about. Be more specific. If you feel what you are conveying is already as

simplified as it can get, try breaking down complex information into smaller parts, and

then expanding on each one.

Focus more on your audience than yourself. Do not be condescending or come

off as though they should be grateful for the privilege of hearing you speak. Instead,

show them what an honor it is for you to be able to do so in their company.

Try and make eye contact with as many people as you can for as long as you can.

It would be ideal to do this around 90 percent of the time. If each of them sees you

looking straight at them, it will make them truly feel you are addressing them

personally, and you will communicate more effectively than if you talked to the ceiling

or the back wall or the microphone. Don’t be so rigid that you appear cold and

uninviting. Avoid nervous gestures like tugging on your shirt collar or wringing your

hands. Hum a single note before speaking and then lower your pitch a little so that

once you start talking, your voice won’t come squeaking out in a mousy rush. Reduce

tension in your shoulders as the muscles there support your larynx and, therefore, have

a direct impact on your voice. Simply relax your stance and radiate enthusiasm and

warmth.

Connect with your audience. Encourage them to ask questions and repeat what

they don’t understand. Exercise saintly patience even if you have to repeat yourself

several times. And when all’s said and done, thank them for having you.

Chapter Fifteen

HOW TO BE A GREAT LISTENER

It cannot be stressed enough just how vital listening is in any kind of

conversation, whether it be between two people or two hundred. More than your ability

to speak, it is your skill in listening that is the ultimate key to success in communication.

To hear the other person is not enough; anyone can do that, unless they are hearing-

impaired. But what the speaker says actually has to register in your brain and hopefully,

leave an impression from which you can derive an intelligent response. This is how

true, meaningful conversations are born, and it is how they are sustained.

The art of listening, however, is just that—an art. And like speaking, it must be

learned, practiced, and acquired with time. Here’s how:

Focus. Though living in the modern world certainly has its conveniences—producing

instant results with little energy and even less time expended—one undesirable

byproduct is a considerably shortened attention span. Try to work on yours, even if

this is difficult for you, so as to give the other person your whole and undivided

attention, as though you were the only two people in the room and this person was the

only one that mattered to you in that place, in that moment. There will be many

distractions, to be sure, like incessant chatting from others in the same room or nagging

voices in the back of your mind demanding to know if you’ve left the kettle boiling on

the stove again before leaving the house. Keep these diversions at bay and concentrate

on the person in front of you. If you can, set your meeting in an area that is free of

such distractions and will afford you the privacy you need to talk properly.

Don’t come to hasty conclusions. This is one of the root causes of miscommunication—

when a person speaks and you think you already know what they mean or what they are

going to say. And since you’re such an accomplished mind reader and interpreter, you

block out the rest of the message and zone out or formulate your response long before

the other person has even finished. You’d be surprised just how wrong you are most of

the time. Bottom line, hear them out. Save your own interpretations of the message

for later.

Enhance your memory. What good is it to listen attentively, only to have the speaker’s

words go in one ear and out the other? Try to remember as much as you can of what’s

been said. If you are not so confident about your powers of recall, you could practice

memory-enhancing exercises. One of the more popular ones is the use of mental

pictures or image association. Try to assign an image to every important point the

speaker makes. For example, the other person mentions having eaten the other night

at a French restaurant, the name of which you can barely pronounce. You could instead

assign an image of a croissant to that statement. If the other person next talks about

going to the movies after dinner, think of ‘popcorn’ or ‘theater’ or the actor who

starred in the film. The way the pictures are arranged will help you recall the flow of

the conversation and exactly what was discussed.

Ask questions (again). This cannot be stressed enough. This is where your own

interpretation of the speaker’s words comes into play. You are not, however, to impose

them upon the other person. Rather, you should ask them politely if your understanding

was right on the mark. If not, request that they explain themselves further to enlighten

you. Speakers appreciate it when their listeners ask good questions. It means they are

paying attention, and the speaker feels empowered—nay, compelled—to continue

talking and opening up.

Exercise patience. Never rush the other person, especially if they are in emotional

disarray at that moment and are simply looking to unburden themselves upon you.

Oftentimes, they don’t really need someone to offer them help or give them advice,

but rather, someone who is just willing to listen. Allow them to gather their thoughts

and feelings and articulate them in their own time. If they seem reluctant to talk,

despite your encouragement, do not pressure them. Assure them instead that when

they are finally ready to do so, you’ll be there to listen. And when they do talk and

you feel as though it is beginning to take a toll on your patience, just hang in there.

Even though it may be trying for you, it could be very important for them to have

someone to listen to. This is a good opportunity for you to build up your capacity for

sympathy and understanding.

While you listen, let your body do the talking. You can’t claim to be a great listener

if your body tells the speaker otherwise. The slightest movement of your eyes can

betray you more than your mouth and words ever could. Keep in mind as well that it

is best to maintain eye contact more while you are listening than while speaking.

Remember, too, that you can reassure the other person a thousand times over that you

are all ears, but when you constantly avoid eye contact or cross your arms, those

gestures indicate that you’re not really interested. Also, try to match your energy level

and the volume of your voice to those of the speaker’s to assure them that their

message is getting across. For example, if they’re positively high-strung and you’re

completely lethargic in your replies, then they won’t be nearly as motivated to speak.

Pick up on the other person’s body language. Learn to read between the lines.

Sometimes there are things that are left unsaid, whether intentionally or not, and it’s

up to you to pick up on them. Is there something else they’re not telling you? Is there

a particular reason they may not be revealing it? Is it better left unsaid, or would the

other person appreciate you bringing it to their attention? Be sensitive to, and

perceptive of, the other person’s own movements and facial expressions.

Offer what you can. If there is any way you can be of service to the other person,

especially if they are hurting, confused, or indecisive, then offer to help. If the best

you can do is just listen and be a shock absorber to the other person, that’s okay, too.

Anyway, it’s better than promising to come up with a solution to their dilemma and

giving them false hope, only to fail in your delivery.

Do not judge. Do not let any preconceived notions of the other person cloud your

objectivity. Just allow them to tell their story without fear of being judged or criticized

by you. If you must, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to see things from

their perspective. This does not mean, however, that just because you once went

through the exact same thing they are talking about, you may already get ahead of the

story and inundate them with suggestions or detail every single step you took to solve

the problem. Remember, what worked wonders for you may not necessarily bring them

the same results. Instead, wait until the other person specifically asks for your input

and advice. Listening, after all, is about understanding, more than anything. Let them

know you care about them and what they have to say.

Earn their trust. Once the other person’s poured their heart out to you, don’t betray

them by divulging to others what the two of you have discussed. Be a trustworthy

confidant and keep everything confidential.

Practice. Each time there is an opportunity for you to apply these steps, grab it with

relish, even if the person who’s just approached you is someone you’re almost always

at odds with and you’re fairly certain you’ll only end up disagreeing on some point or

other. Perhaps all it takes is a really good listen. Who knows? It might help you to get

along better with them.

Chapter Sixteen

READING AND COMMUNICATING WITH THE HUMAN BODY

Your Body Language

The three main components of body language are your eyes, face, and body.

Nothing says “I’m listening” quite like an expectant look. The eyes are called

the windows to the soul, and they are able to express thoughts and emotions more

eloquently in their silence and intensity than a long string of words. So make certain

that what you are communicating with your eyes is of a positive nature. Maintaining

eye contact with the other person is a sign of respect. You do not want to convey

boredom, impatience, or even irritation by rolling your eyes, letting them droop, or

allowing them to roam. Don’t keep your eyes preoccupied by reading the paper or

checking your text messages while someone is addressing you directly. If, indeed, you

are already doing such activities when you are approached, have the courtesy to stop

and look up from whatever it is you are doing and give the other person your full

attention. You may not realize it, but when you do so and accord them the proper and

utmost respect, you in turn gain theirs.

Besides your eyes and mouth, the rest of your face is also powerful in

transmitting nonverbal communication. So smile—always. And it has to be a genuine

smile, one that reaches your eyes. You are so much more likely to be approached when

you are smiling this way as it is a very warm and convivial sight to behold. It signals

that you are willing to engage in social interaction. On the other hand, when you do

not smile, it makes you seem aloof or rather unapproachable, and people will have

second thoughts before they do decide to strike up a conversation with you. You might

also have a tendency to frown, even without meaning to, so it is very important that

you be conscious of your own facial expressions at all times in order to adjust yourself

accordingly.

The rest of your body, or your mannerisms, can be just as telling. For example,

if you were to put your hands on your hips or tap your feet impatiently, the other person

would hear, “Get it over with already” as loudly as if you had spoken it, even if your

mouth hadn’t made a sound at all. If you would like the other person to open up to

you, then you must first look welcoming rather than foreboding. Do not hunch your

shoulders, cross your arms over your chest, cross your legs in front of you if you are

sitting, or angle your body away from others as these might be taken to mean

defensiveness or unwillingness to communicate. You could unknowingly be sending out

signals that say, “Go away! Leave me alone!” Instead, keep your arms at your sides

and your hands visible, unless you are standing and you shove them in your pockets,

which could be taken to mean you are relaxed. Keep your posture open, upright, and

unlocked. To exude yet more openness and warmth, use simple gestures like a hand

over your firm handshake, sandwiching the other person’s hand in both of yours. A

touch to the arm means you’d like for you and the other person to be closer. A touch

to the face, neck, or waist means you are attracted to them.

What does your body tell people? What does it tell you? If you don’t know, try

talking in front of a mirror to see your facial expressions for yourself. If it’s a full-

length mirror, even better, so you get to study your whole body language patterns.

How do you look when you’re amazed or excited? Does the size of your eyes increase

exponentially? Does your jaw drop to the floor? How about when you’re displeased?

Are your eyes then reduced to a pair of sinister slits? Do your emotions tend to get the

better of you, so that you use rather forceful gestures and say things you end up

regretting later on?

Admittedly, interacting with yourself isn’t quite the same as communicating with

a different person, so determining your own nonverbal signals this way may be less

accurate in telling you what you need to know. A more ideal method would be to

videotape yourself in an actual conversation (with the other person’s consent, of

course) and then play it back so you can analyze and dissect your every movement,

especially the ones you aren’t even aware of, so you’ll know which ones to improve on,

or which to eliminate. Or you could enlist the help of a close friend, someone who

knows you intimately and is familiar with all your gestures and mannerisms, so they can

point these out to you and maybe even give suggestions on how to correct them and

keep your emotions in check. That way, you can keep a level head and will be less

likely to mess up your intended message.

Basically, it all boils down to being honest. Say what you mean and mean what

you say, and your body language will only reinforce this. Even though it’s well and good

to become more aware of your own body language and to try to correct certain things,

still, it’s virtually impossible to control every single movement and muscle twitch. And

even if you managed to do that, it would nonetheless look terribly fake. The solution?

Be natural. Body language is supposed to complement your words, not be treated as a

separate entity altogether. When you’re too conscious about whether or not you’re

smiling properly, or you’re too worried that your limbs have suddenly taken on a life of

their own and simply refuse to do your bidding, you’ll be far too preoccupied to actually

communicate effectively. The best way to overcome this predicament is for you to

state your meaning clearly and straightforwardly, emphasizing your point with the right

and most natural and positive of gestures directed toward the other person so that they

don’t misread your body language. If you are merely trying to keep warm when you

cross your arms, say so immediately to avoid setting yourself up for misinterpretation.

Their Body Language

When a person looks you straight in the eyes, more often than not, it means they

would like to get to know you more and are interested in what you have to say. But

when they turn away or lower their eyes and even their head while you are speaking,

it could mean a lot of things. They could simply be shy or timid and uncomfortable

with meeting your gaze. This does not necessarily mean they are uninterested or aren’t

paying attention. They might still be looking at your face, though avoiding eye contact

due to nervousness. If they refuse to face you squarely and are content simply to cast

you a sidelong glance, this could be a sign of mistrust. If they look away repeatedly

and consistently, then maybe they just don’t like you, plain and simple. But if their

eyes won’t tell you anything, maybe they make up for it by nodding intently at your

words. If their head is tilted to one side, they are commiserating with you and assuring

you of their sincerity. You can tell by the way their eyebrows are knitted and the way

their eyes are narrowed that they are in deep thought or concentration and are trying

to process and consider the information you are giving them. Other indications of this

could be pursed lips and a creased forehead. Raised eyebrows could mean they do not

agree with you. Eyes halfway closed could be suspicion. Looking upwards at the ceiling

means thinking. Biting the lips is an anticipatory gesture and if they do this, they are

probably waiting for you to give them your verdict, approval, or assent to what they’ve

just said. Alternatively, they might also look away because they are distracted and

something else is on their mind. You’ll know a person isn’t listening if you are speaking

to a group and one of them seemingly drifts away, and at the sound of something you

say that suddenly catches their attention, they will ask you to repeat what you’ve just

said.

As for the other person’s body, take note of where they place their arms and

hands. As mentioned before, crossing the arms over the chest is a negative gesture

that creates a barrier between two people trying to communicate. There should be no

obstruction of the sort if it can be helped at all. If they hold their hands behind them,

this could mean they are hiding something from you or they’re not being entirely

truthful. Take note of their posture as well. Is their back straight, chin up, and

shoulders broad and open? This is an indication of confidence and a readiness to open

up and make friends. But just as shoulders hunched forward is a negative sign, a back

that’s too straight is hardly any better. This makes the other person look rigid and stiff

as a board and come across as tense and very uneasy. If they lower their head, they

could be unsure of their own words and explanations. Gestures like head scratching,

nape rubbing, or feet shuffling are all signs of nervousness, embarrassment, or

irritation. If you notice them mimicking your stance and movements, either they are

sincerely interested in you, or they could be mocking you, or they could be practicing

mirroring methods that they read about in a book on NLP (Neuro-Linguistic

Programming). You’ll have to rely on your own better judgment to discern the truth.

However, do not give full credence to body language alone. They might cross

their arms in front of them out of habit or try to keep warm as well, and you might

immediately come to the wrong conclusions about how unreceptive they are. They

might yawn from time to time and you begin to believe you are boring them, when they

might’ve just had very little sleep the night before. Poor posture might not necessarily

reflect a lack of confidence and an unwillingness to converse, but could very well be

the result of a physical ailment, injury, or exhaustion. Your mind should not go into

such a whirl at the slightest nervous tic that you fail to catch the other person’s words

entirely. Even worse, scrutinizing their every movement down to the last hair follicle

could make them self-conscious and give them a sense of being judged. If you know

them fairly well and are quite accustomed to their mannerisms, then watch for when

they do something rather uncharacteristic. It is that particular movement you ought to

be reading closely and carefully. If you think you may be getting the wrong idea about

the other person’s message due to discrepancies between what you hear from their

mouth and what you see of their movements, seek to clarify the situation. Verify if

you’ve understood them correctly. Sometimes, a person’s body language just doesn’t

convey precisely what it is they truly think and feel.

Chapter Seventeen

TONE OF VOICE, THE OTHER NONVERBAL INDICATOR

In communication, nonverbal signals are far more compelling than mere words.

One of these signals is body language. The other is your tone of voice. And like body

language, tone of voice can heavily influence a person’s meaning and can just as easily

be misinterpreted, depending on pitch and volume. Pitch denotes highness or lowness,

while volume concerns loudness or softness. And depending on the situation or

environment (e.g., background noises) or even the person you are conversing with, you

adjust your tone of voice accordingly. Your listener might be hard of hearing and will

fail to catch what you’re saying if your voice is too soft. If you end up shouting so they

can hear you, it might backfire as they might think you’re angry and yelling at them.

Or you may think you have something interesting to say, but you can’t figure out why

your listener does not seem to share your enthusiasm. Perhaps you’re so monotonous

that the excitement of the subject is lost in the delivery. So how do you remedy such

problems? It takes time and practice, but it’s well worth the effort to develop a clear

and pleasing voice.

But just what is the ideal tone of voice? Is it musical and mellifluous? Should it

be deep and commanding like Darth Vader? Is it breathy or should it be more cheerful,

friendly, and high-pitched? Desirable as all these qualities are, the perfect tone of

voice for you is the one that can properly accentuate your message so that people

understand you completely. The right tone of voice will make you a pleasure to listen

to, because it’ll be clearer and easier. Your listener won’t have to work hard to get

what you mean. For example, if you speak harshly all the time and sound as though

you’re barking, even if what you’re saying is ‘Hello’ or ‘Good morning,’ no one’s going

to want to hear it.

To work on this, first you must find out how your own tone of voice sounds. As

in the case of body language, you could use a mirror to observe yourself as you speak.

How do your mouth and tongue enunciate each vowel and consonant? Are your neck

muscles tense or relaxed? Are you barely even breathing at all? Then you should record

yourself: you could read a passage from a book or an article from a newspaper, or you

could record an actual conversation with someone. Make sure you speak and sound as

natural as possible. Then play it back and listen carefully. How do you sound? Is your

voice expressive, or is it flat and dull? Do you articulate clearly, or do you mumble? Is

your tone too high or low pitched, or in a pleasant mid-range? Is your voice well-

modulated, or twangy, metallic or harsh?

If, indeed, you are monotonous, this can be fixed by adjusting your pitch to

match important points in your conversation. Explore your range, go up and down the

scales, and just exercise those vocal chords. Watch movies with speeches or

monologues and observe how the actors deliver their lines and put emphasis in certain

places. Try to emulate them and rehearse on your own. Once you’re satisfied, try

reading the same passage and recording yourself again. Are there any marked

improvements in your tone of voice and inflection? Keep practicing till you acquire it

for good.

Body language not only affects what you say, but how you say it. Try to remain

calm and relax your throat, shoulders, chest, and abdominal muscles so that you are

able to sound clearer and more pleasant and in control. Lower your volume the closer

you are to your listener. If you are some ways off from them, speaking loudly will work,

but it would be even better if you approached them before talking so that you don’t

have to yell in the first place. It’s common courtesy, too.

Chapter Eighteen

OTHER FACTORS IN SUCCESSFUL COMMUNICATION

So far we’ve covered conversation and body language, and how the proper

execution of these two factors ensures success when it comes to communication. But

researchers from the University of Colorado at Boulder and Brigham Young University,

while agreeing that words and gestures are indeed very important, note that they can

still be often misinterpreted if the speaker’s and listener’s mutual behavior and

interaction with one another, and even their location, are not taken into consideration

as well. “Nonverbal communication, vocal conversation and the environment of

personal exchanges play a large role in how people relate and communicate,” says CU-

Boulder communication department Professor Stanley Jones. A perfect example would

be a workplace setting, where physical touch between colleagues, like a tap on the

shoulder, could be taken to mean either, ‘Thank you,’ ‘Congratulations,’ ‘You can do

it,’ or ‘I’m very excited about that business deal.’ Jones notes that physical gestures

such as these could very well be misconstrued to mean something else entirely and

inappropriately, unless accompanied by the right words and the right circumstances

and environment. Also, both people in the exchange must be in sync with each other

so that the intended meaning is communicated and received successfully.

As for a person’s physical environment, the place, culture, and even accents

ought to be taken into consideration also. Take hand gestures and symbols, for

example. The peace sign is perfectly acceptable in a lot of countries, but is actually

offensive in England. A thumbs-up sign may be okay to you, but obscene to someone

from Australia. In the US, the power stance is positioning your feet apart. In Japan,

it’s standing with the legs closed and arms at the sides. Looking people directly in the

eyes, which is crucial in a conversation in many countries, may actually be considered

rude and impolite in other societies. So if you suddenly find yourself in a different land

with a whole new set of social taboos and unfamiliar practices, take the time to observe

the locals. Watch how they communicate with one another. Italians, for instance, use

their hands, arms, and shoulders a great deal when they talk and are very animated in

their gestures. The Japanese, on the other hand, tend to be more reserved. Do as the

locals do, and hopefully, you won’t have to resort to confusing sign language in order

to be understood.

Another important factor is what is known as proxemics, or the study of the

relationships of individuals in terms of spatial distances, and their cultural and

sociological aspects. We are an extremely territorial species, and that personal space

that we establish around ourselves, and whether or not the other person violates it,

greatly influences our responses and reactions. In other words, the distance you put

between yourself and the other person is an indication of just how willing you are to

converse. Leaning forward means you are very much interested in what they have to

say and are inviting them to open up to you. But leaning too far forward violates their

personal space and is an invasion of their privacy, and they will most likely react

negatively to it. If you place yourself too far away, however, it could be interpreted

in a negative way and you will appear distant and uninterested. It would be very

awkward, too, if the other person were seated and you were standing while the two of

you converse, or vice versa.

Conclusion

Despite technological advancements in the world today, there is no denying that

interaction with our fellow humans is still very much a part of everyday life. “No man

is an island,” as John Donne’s famous poem says, and we will always be presented with

not only the chance to exchange mere words, but the opportunity to foster new

relationships via conversation and communication.

The success or failure of our relationships with others depends on the way we

communicate with them. In our families it is crucial that we express ourselves in such

a way as to deepen our bonds with those who are dearest to us, and a lack of clear and

respectful communication could lead to estrangement and heartbreak. In our jobs,

whether we have a calm and productive relationship with our co-workers and whether

we advance in our career or stagnate depends to a large extent on how adept we are

at communicating. In whatever social situation we may find ourselves, the ability to

communicate effectively will be a great advantage to anyone who possesses this skill.

Even if up until now you have not felt as comfortable as you would like in this

important area, you must realize after reading this book that making good conversation

is a skill that can be learned, just like any other skill. By following the suggestions and

advice in this book with persistence and dedication, you can hone this important skill

and become a master communicator in any situation.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #4

Secret Techniques to Compelling Speaking for Beginners

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE

Session #4: Secret Techniques to Compelling

Speaking for Beginners

Important Learning Advisory:

To experience better learning, it is recommended that you print and follow this transcript

while listening to the MP3 audio. There is ample space at the bottom of every page for

you to write your own notes and jolt down ideas. Happy learning!

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #4

Secret Techniques to Compelling Speaking for Beginners

Welcome to the fourth and final session in Public Speaking Extraordinaire. I will recap

everything you have learned in the last three sessions and how you can put them

together to create a compelling speech on almost every occasion that demands it. This

module alone could have been sold as a standalone, for the secret techniques I am

about to reveal are being used by top sales people, businessmen, and great leaders

alike, to compel and move audience to their tune of persuasion. How would you like to

get that kind of mastery in the next few minutes?

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #4

Secret Techniques to Compelling Speaking for Beginners

Compelling your audience to answer to your call to action is what separates you from the

rest of the average and mediocre public speakers. This is what separates highly

successful speakers from the rest.

Surely you are not going to climb the stage to speak to a large audience and expect

nothing in return? Remember, there is no use to your speech without any call to action!

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #4

Secret Techniques to Compelling Speaking for Beginners

In this section, you will learn things that can make a massive difference to what you

already know from the first three sessions.

One of the keys to a really successful presentation is audience participation. By making

the audience involved in the presentation, it helps them to focus and relate better to the

material, thereby encouraging them to take action after the

session.

Your role as a speaker is not just to convey a message, but also to be a quasi-facilitator

as well. The fastest and simplest way to stimulate audience participation is to have an

ice breaker in the start of the session. Ice breakers are especially useful in long

seminars, and can also be used in shorter presentations depending on the time

allowance.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #4

Secret Techniques to Compelling Speaking for Beginners

How to involve your audience. If you want to get elevate the energy level in the room,

engage the participants. Get them involved by turning their passive attention into active

attention.

Start by asking the audience to stand up and introduce themselves and tell everyone

why they are attending this talk. If time allows, get audience members to introduce other

members to stimulate audience interaction. You can also ask the audience members to

write down their names on folded cardboards so you can call on them later on during the

session.

Having dyads or group activity is encouraged. You are getting participants involved and

they will do gladly do so, since the reason they came to listen to you is with their own

self-interest in mind. Conduct simple exercises involving dyads – if the room is evenly

numbered – or break into smaller groups if the participant count is large enough to

warrant so. You can also take some time and divide your audience into groups: small

groups, partner groups or groups involving everyone for different activities. Small groups

can further elect a leader to represent them and voice their thoughts.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #4

Secret Techniques to Compelling Speaking for Beginners

If you know anything about hypnotherapy then “closed eye” procedure are useful too.

Get participants to imagine, be creative, and see your vision.

Another method is to do an audience survey by a show of hands. Not only would this

help you find out more about your audience, it gets them involved in the sessions.

What should you do when things are getting a little dull, especially in long sessions?

Don’t hesitate to command the room to stand up and do brisk, warm up exercises!

Alternatively a nice cat stretch or deep breathing exercises would help replenish the

energy of the room.

-When dealing with large audiences and you wish to gather input from them, you can

use the Ben Franklin close. To do that, draw a large “T” on a white sheet of paper. The

“T” divides the paper into two sides – examples are “pros and cons” and get your

audience to shout out ideas while you write them down.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #4

Secret Techniques to Compelling Speaking for Beginners

Further tips on how to deliver high impact presentations. You have already done the

three-day program to go from zero to hero in public speaking, but there will always be

room for improvement.

Remember that speeches are best kept as short and concise as possible. If you are

allowed to dictate how long you can speak, it is best to keep your speech between 15 to

30 minutes, though there is no hard and fast rule on length of time. There are great

speeches ranging from just five minutes to even 5-day seminars!

Regardless of how long or short your speech is, always stick to the core message and

it’s worth repeating every once in a while. However, don’t get over-repetitive with key

points.

Incorporating real, relevant stories – especially if the story is something you have

personally experienced – supports your message stronger.

Lastly, always get your audience involved. Everyone is selfish to an extent, and

everyone has their own personal interest.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #4

Secret Techniques to Compelling Speaking for Beginners

To make a great presentation really successful, a big part comes from how you interact

with your audience, and also how you deal with various personality temperaments.

Answering questions from your audience helps you to build trust and establish your

credibility as an expert in your field.

As discussed briefly in Session 3, it is ideal to save the last 5 to 10 minutes of your

speech for questions and answers. This is so no member of the audience interrupts your

flow of speech, or derail you from your original presentation.

During the Q&A session, it’s important that you keep your cool, stay credible and be in

control. As a general rule of thumb for dealing with questions, listen to the question,

answer it, and bridge it to your agenda. Repeat the question clearly so others can hear

you. This also gives you time to select your thoughts before answering. Maintain eye

contact with the person asking the question, give a brief response and move on to the

next question.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #4

Secret Techniques to Compelling Speaking for Beginners

Also, avoid pointing a finger when selecting a member from the floor. When selecting

audience, be sure to point using your palm faced upwards or thumb, and not by your

finger to avoid offending anyone. You can also collect questions during the break to give

you time to prepare for the answers.

HERE’S ANOTHER TIP: To tackle embarrassing moments with audience members who

are less sociable, pre-select your volunteers to give them time to prepare. In the case

where no one responds to a question, be prepared to answer it yourself. A good way to

go by this is to offer gifts for participating or a “secret gift”.

When dealing with a question unrelated to your topic, politely explain why you are not

covering that question in this subject. If time is running out, it’s fine to apologize for the

lack of time. Whatever you do, don’t exceed the time limit.

When faced with an argumentative question, answer it quickly and move on. Certain

people will try and force you into a debate which is time consuming. You can avoid these

verbal traps by rephrasing the question and then moving on to the next.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #4

Secret Techniques to Compelling Speaking for Beginners

If you aren’t sure of the answer, explain that you will be happy to discuss the question

later on after the session, or tell them that you will gather the information and get back to

them. You can also offer the question to other members of the audience. It is wise to

acknowledge from the start of the session the differing opinions and controversy that

may arise.

A huge part of your public speaking success is in how you deal with people of varied

personalities. So it pays to survey your audience in advance.

Survey your audience before you walk into the room or doing a presentation. If you are

giving a talk to the board of directors of a big company, you would want to do some

background research of your audience and their company profile. By knowing the

characteristics of the people you will be dealing with, you will be able to tailor your

presentation to your audience.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #4

Secret Techniques to Compelling Speaking for Beginners

If you don’t have the luxury of surveying, you can briefly gauge their level of expertise or

understanding by prompting them with some easy questions related to your subject. Be

sure to answer for them in a rhetoric manner to avoid embarrassment!

This is especially important in a technical presentation, as the level of awareness of the

audience would affect how you want to give your presentation. If your presentation is too

technical for layman then they will most likely phase off midway.

This is the final section that completes and wraps up the entire Public Speaking

Extraordinaire course. If you are a sales person, entrepreneur or promoter, you must

master the art of back-end selling. This is what separates the profitable speakers from

the broke ones. If you attend any seminars – especially self-improvement and wealth

creation ones – you will have witnessed this selling tactic before.

Set aside the final 15 minutes of your speech – not including your Q & A we have just

discussed earlier – on pitching your back-end product. This is the ideal time frame,

though it is less effective if you spend less time.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #4

Secret Techniques to Compelling Speaking for Beginners

As a school of thought, your back-end product must be relevant to your topic. Or rather,

the solution provides an excellent follow-up solution that your audience had listened to in

your speech but prefers an easier solution, and thus the call to action. For instance, if

your presentation or speech is about “women seduction”, you can pitch in a back-end

offer on personal 1-on-1 coaching with your top pick-up artists. At this point, the

audience who are now your prospects, can choose to: DO IT THEMSELVES or take an

easier solution which is to be trained by a professional in the area of women seduction.

Use Powerpoint presentations to demonstrate your offer components and their value.

Alternatively, you can use a white board and list down the components impromptu. This

is what some top speakers like Multi-Millionaire Speaker T Harv Eker and World’s

Number One Affiliate Marketer Ewen Chia does.

Implement the price slashing tactic. This is a highly powerful psychological tactic to

increase the perceived value of your offer before you “drop the bomb” and reveal the

final price, which at this point will be perceived as an IRRESISTIBLE OFFER. For

instance again, you can name the value of your components to total up to $20,000 in

“real world value”. Then announce that your competitors are selling the same offer for

$5,000. You will do so at half the price. But only for the first 10 fast action takers, they

can get at a premium discount of just $1,000! Can you see how this tactic is effective,

giving people the perception of purchasing a $20,000 value back-end program for just

$1,000?

This also includes the scarcity tactic, whereby your offer is not just for anyone. People in

general don’t like the idea of being left out, and you want to attract only quality

customers. So it’s a win-win.

This concludes the Public Speaking Extraordinaire speed course. I hope you have

learned a great deal about public speaking and apply them to your business, career and

even in your daily conversations. Empower yourself to make the next personal

breakthrough, and it is my sincere wish to see you become a person better and more

powerful than yesterday. All the best!

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #3

How to Become a Public Speaking Extraordinaire in 3 Days

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE

Session #3: How to Become a Public Speaking

Extraordinaire in 3 Days

Important Learning Advisory:

To experience better learning, it is recommended that you print and follow this transcript

while listening to the MP3 audio. There is ample space at the bottom of every page for

you to write your own notes and jolt down ideas. Happy learning!

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #3

How to Become a Public Speaking Extraordinaire in 3 Days

In the previous session, we have covered on how to distill unorganized thoughts into one

core message, and how to produce your own high impact presentation in 30 minutes or

less. This session will focus on showing you how to go from untrained, mediocre

speaker to expert persuader in three short days!

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #3

How to Become a Public Speaking Extraordinaire in 3 Days

What take expert public speakers months to years of trial and error you can now take the

bare essentials to become your very own successful public speaker in just three days.

This doesn‟t mean that you will become a flawless speaker, but I guarantee you will

make lesser mistakes by doing what‟s proven, as practiced by renowned great speakers

and leaders from just about any giant industry!

In each of these days, you will be exposed to different methods, which will help you

overcome your public speaking barriers, build your self-confidence, and especially stage

fright, the biggest fear many people experience at the beginning of their public speaking

experience.

I will also show you how to craft simple presentations through mind-map process, and

most importantly develop your own style of speech that stands out from your competitors.

Lastly, I will show you how to move and compel your audience to answer your CALL TO

ACTION.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #3

How to Become a Public Speaking Extraordinaire in 3 Days

As said before in Session 1, I have reason to believe that even people who consider

themselves shy or introverts have just as much of a chance to succeed and become

great public speakers as their extrovert counterparts.

Here is a HUGE myth about introversion t hat I want to take the opportunity to dispel. A

formal study shows that introversion has little or no link to the person being shy or

socially intimidated. As a matter of fact, contrary to popular opinion, INTROVERSION is

merely just a social preference.

Being an introvert does not mean that the person is unable to speak in front of large

crowds, or unable to handle himself well in the company of people.

That said, the single biggest misconception about introverts is that they are socially

anxious and shy. This cannot be any further from the truth. The problem is that because

of this popular myth, many introverts themselves have been led to believe that they will

learn and perform less well in areas that extroverts and sanguine have an advantage

over, namely public speaking and communicating with others.

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How to Become a Public Speaking Extraordinaire in 3 Days

This is not true because while introvert-natured people have preference to be alone most

of the time, deep in thought, and rely less on friends, this does not mean that they are

not excelled in the area of public speaking or socializing for that matter.

Having said that, if you identify yourself as an introvert, good news! The biggest myth

has been busted. This is exactly why I believe ANYONE can be a great public speaker,

extrovert or introvert. Don‟t let your outgoing friends push you into submission believing

that you can‟t do it!

Now let‟s cover the three day program in going zero to hero in public speaking.

DAY ONE is dedicated to rehearsing your techniques in public speaking from scratch.

As covered in Session 2, you need to set solid goals before you can go on to rehearse

your speech.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #3

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Important questions to ask yourself when setting goals are: WHO are your audience?

WHAT is your message? And WHAT is your medium or media?

Once you have set your goals, the next aspect of your speech you need to look at is

your presentation.

How long is your speech going to be? With the exceptions of running long seminars, if

you have control over deciding how long your speech will be, I recommend keeping your

speech within the 10 to 45 minutes range. Anything longer can snap your audience

attention span.

What is your core message? If you have set your goals with clarity, you will know what

the main message of your speech is. As mentioned before in Session 2, the core

message is the main reason your speech is conceived.

And then design your presentation around that core message. Many speakers use

Powerpoint program or other forms of illustrations to deliver impact with their

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #3

How to Become a Public Speaking Extraordinaire in 3 Days

presentations, while more experienced ones simply use a whiteboard and marker pen

spontaneously.

Let‟s look at how to structure your speech so that it‟s organized, smooth in flow and

delivers your main message across the room effectively.

Basically, a speech structure can be broken down into five distinct components:

OPENING SENTENCE, TRANSITIONS, STORIES, USE OF VISUALS, and CLOSING.

OPENING SENTENCE. Usually, the introduction starts with giving a warm welcome and

gesture to the audience. “Hello and welcome to…” Also don‟t forget to thank your

audience for attending and taking a peak interest in listening to your speech. An

example of that line is: “thanks for choosing my 6-figure Internet Income Blueprint

seminar, and congratulations on taking the first step in investing in yourself!” Do not

spend too much time with the introduction – no more than 60 seconds.

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Use TRANSITIONS in between points as you move on to the next highlight of the

speech. The use of transitions is powerful as it links the train of thoughts of your

audience while keeping them in the same trance as you deliver your speech. Examples

of transitions include: “where I‟m leading you up to is this…” “This is because…”

“Speaking of…” “Having said that…” and many more examples.

STORIES. Did you know that implementing story-telling techniques into your speech can

make your presentation all the more compelling? The Bible uses stories to deliver strong

message. Children remember fables better through stories. Stories are not only easy to

remember but also exciting. At the same time, short stories deliver strong messages and

telling relevant stories will strengthen the message of your speech.

Did you know that the average human mind remembers only 10% of what he hears after

two weeks? This is according to the Cone of Learning. And did you also know that the

average human mind remembers TWICE as much of what he hears AND speaks after

two weeks? This is why having presentations like Powerpoint or a white board can offer

visual aid to your audience. If for any reason using Powerpoint slides is not available to

you, resort to using whiteboards to deliver your points across, and encourage audience

to take notes.

Finally, the CLOSING. To conclude you should tie everything together, summarize,

make an appeal, call to action, or challenge your audience – depending on the goal of

your presentation. Sum it all up by bringing up the objectives in the beginning and

reinforce that these goals have been achieved.

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With the presentation side taken care of and you have mind mapped your speech, it‟s

time to practice delivering it before you go live. There are three important factors to

delivering a powerful, high impact speech: your facial expression, body language and

tone of voice. Did you know that the meaning of your message is communicated by

Your words: 7%

Your body language: 55%

Your tone of voice: 38%

Up until now, we have focused a great deal on how you structure your presentation,

which has to do with your words – the 7% part. Your body language and tone of voice

accounts for the majority of your success with public speaking, especially your body

language, should you be presenting in front of a live audience.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #3

How to Become a Public Speaking Extraordinaire in 3 Days

Did you know that a person can show 92 totally different facial expressions? This is why

for this exercise, it is imperative to practice in front of a mirror. Preferably, a full length

mirror where you can view yourself in full. Regardless of your personality temperament,

smiling is an important facial expression to adopt throughout most of your speech,

although it‟s perfectly okay to show a variety of other facial expressions when the

speech demands it.

Next, body language. Realize it or not, when you are presenting in front of an audience,

you are performing as an actor on stage. Body language can be covered as a topic of its

own, but you won‟t need that in this three-day crash course because I will be giving you

just what you need to know. For starters, avoid sitting down or standing in the same

place for too long. Walk around on stage and don‟t just face one direction or one section

of members on the floor. Gentle, non-arrogant hand gesture is preferred over standing

still and reading from a prepared speech anytime. I also want to remind you NOT to read

from prepared notes, at least not for an extended length of time. It is acceptable to

glance at your notes for key points once in a while. And if you are using Powerpoint

presentations, you can do away with that.

Body language makes messages more meaningful and memorable, relieves

nervousness and adds punctuation to your speech. The key to having good body

language is to have a good posture, be natural, spontaneous and conversational. Focus

on communicating and sharing ideas, not on performance or sermonizing. The best way

to practice body language is to incorporate body language into your everyday

conversations. Try speaking in front of your mirror while moving your hands using simple

movements. Once you get into the habit of using body language it will come naturally

during your presentation.

Now your tone of voice. The ingenuity of your intentions is above all. Because if you

speak with conviction, you will naturally speak confidently. Speak loudly and clearly, do

not mumble. Amateur speakers often make apologies, and this is one school of thought I

want you to go against the grain: do NOT apologize to the audience, even if you make a

verbal mistake. If you make an error, correct it and continue. Also, avoid using

complicated jargons or buzz words that only a few people know. The best litmus test is

to ask yourself whether a 10 year-old understands the word you plan to use. If you think

so, go ahead. If you think otherwise, discard the word and use another word that‟s easier

to understand. Remember, your speech is rendered useless if people don‟t understand

what you speak. You might appear smart, but your message fails to deliver.

Your tone, pitch and volume should not be too loud or too soft to prevent yourself from

sounding too aggressive or too timid. Adding variety to your vocal patterns allows you to

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enforce certain points into the heads of your crowd. For example: “Never… never…

never… give up”. In addition, a well timed pause can effectively dramatize your ideas,

provide emphasis to certain points, or induce anticipation in your audience. Some good

uses of pauses include- Pausing after a joke to provide emphasis, or pausing after being

introduced to give your audience time to focus back on the presentation.

When practicing, smile and practice out loud even if you are not talking to an audience. It

helps build confidence and create the atmosphere of the actual public speaking. Practice

posture by standing up straight. It helps to increase energy and enthusiasm.

Now let‟s go for a field exercise. Move away from the mirror after you have done ample

exercises to self-evaluate. Get your family member, close friend, or spouse to be your a

mock audience. Let them know you are practicing your speech and get their permission

to spend some time with you, so you can improve yourself. Gather input from them after

a short practice session. Don‟t worm your way out of this exercise because eventually,

you are going to be speaking in front of a crowd larger than this.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #3

How to Become a Public Speaking Extraordinaire in 3 Days

Reflect on your flaws and qualities which could use improvement. Ask your mock

audience to be very critical, you want to be able to learn from all your mistakes, big or

small before attempting to deliver the live presentation, when results and feedbacks can

be a lot harsher and possibly unforgiving.

DAY TWO – incorporating style and humor. One common trait among great presenters

is that they have their distinct style and personality. Style makes your pitch memorable

and injects personality into your talk thus keeping your audience excited. Judging from

your style, you can either excite your audience or put them to sleep. Therefore, you

should be focusing on conveying your style in the most exciting manner as possible.

Telling your own stories is a good way to expose your audience to your style and it gets

people to relate with you at a more emotional level.

Avoid monotone and copycatting speeches, especially if they are well renowned. This is

the reason why a lot of Network Marketers are perceived as „copycats‟ or gained lower

respect when over-quoting from Robert T Kiyosaki of Rich Dad, Poor Dad fame.

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Dressing up is a good way to illustrate your style. By looking the part, such as by

wearing a captain uniform or by sitting in a wheel chair, you can really impact your

audience at an emotional level. Even if you are comfortable in dressing casual most of

the time, dress professionally and make this the exception when presenting on stage.

Wearing a coat, suit or blazer makes you stand out of the crowd right away. People

naturally develop an intuition and knows who the person in charge is when he walks into

the room. That‟s going to be you. This is why you need to appear to have „authority‟ and

not look like one of the audience. Stand out right away.

Also, don’t wear too much jewelry which distracts your audience. Stay away from colorful,

distracting outfits and colors that blend into the background. Always remember that their

main focus should be on what you are going to say. Keep neat and presentable.

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Style can be incorporated in many ways. For example: the success story/hero. Speak of

yourself as someone who overcame a huge obstacle in life. This helps establish

credibility and inspire the audience. Be confident with your style, be positively forceful

and definitive. Indirectly, your style will help you to connect better to your audience and

thus making them more likely to listen to you.

Humor is a great way to get your audiences’ attention and liven up the atmosphere. If

you want to use humor in your presentations, make sure that the jokes are original,

relevant and clean. Don’t make fun of others, use self depreciating humor instead. For

example, if you are a man of short stature you might want to make fun of your height to

illustrate a point as long as the joke is relevant to your material. If your jokes fail to make

your audience laugh don’t be discouraged. Just say “I’ll remember not to tell that joke

anymore” or “My mom thought it was funny”. In the end of the day, just relax and have a

great time. Your audience would not hesitate to loosen up seeing that you are enjoying

yourself.

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Some hard and fast rules on using jokes, though: make sure you stick to clean ones. Do

not share jokes that imply sexual, dirty or offensive meanings. If you come from a multi-

cultural background, all the more you need to be sensitive to the various beliefs of your

mixed audience.

Also, don‟t make jokes at the expense of other people. Avoid use of vulgar words and

profanity, and lastly, do not over-use jokes in your presentation. One or two will do.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #3

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Moving on to DAY THREE. Today is a new challenge! Today‟s challenge is to deliver a

five minute speech – formal or casual – to a group of two to four friends. Where you

have previously talked to a mock audience of one, now you are going to take on a small

crowd!

Alternatively, you can record your rehearsal though it is preferable you practice live with

a small group. Tape your presentation in audio, and if possible, video format so you can

review your presentation. Particular attention must be given to pacing and timing and

don’t forget to observe body language.

Pay attention to non verbal messages even during your rehearsal. Walk in straight and

tall, make eye contact with your audience, smile, put your hands beside you and begin.

Refrain from standing still in one position by walking around instead. This helps to

dissipate nervous tension.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #3

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We‟re going to spend the rest of DAY THREE improving your speech practice. Let‟s start

with identifying yet another common problem beginning speakers face: timing. There are

typically two types of time problems: taking up more time than required AND finishing

earlier.

And I have a different spontaneous response to each of the problem.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #3

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IF YOUR SPEECH IS TOO SHOT OR YOU HAVE FINISHED BEFORE SCHEDULE: in

my opinion, this problem is less serious than the other. You can make use of the time

available to open the floor for questions and answers. Also, you can share a story to add

unexpected value to your speech. So it pays to keep one or two short stories up your

sleeves.

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Now this is a bigger problem– IF YOUR SPEECH IS TOO LONG. Prevention is better

than cure, and this is why I always encourage you to rehearse before going live. So you

know that if your presentation takes longer than permitted time, be glad you found out

now than later. Shave off the less important key points before the actual presentation.

Also, use certain slides as indicators that your speech is about finish soon. As a

reminder, do not keep looking at the clock, watch or timer – or mention anything about

“running out of time”. Those are just as bad as brain farts, and you are wasting valuable

time when it could be effectively used on delivering the speech.

In any event you run out of stage time and have not completed your presentation, stop

and make a conclusion of everything you have just said. Adopt a professional stance

and don‟t even hint that there‟s actually more to your presentation than what you had

just delivered. The audience will take what they expect and this is important why you

should never over-promise in the first place.

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HANDLING QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS is another important sub-skill to develop in

your course of public speaking.

At the beginning of your speech, announce that you will handle the questions only after

your speech has ended. This is so you don‟t have to risk letting your flow of speech

getting interrupted by questions – relevant or not – that can derail you off-topic.

More on this will be discussed into greater detail in Session 4.

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The final element in improving your public speaking is to eliminate as many „brain farts‟

as possible. A „brain fart‟ is when your mind blanks out temporarily, or you couldn‟t think.

This is often the result of fear or lack of preparation, or lack of response towards

impromptu situations.

„Brain farts‟ are not only time wasting but also displays lack of professionalism. To

eliminate as many „brain farts‟ as possible, substitute your moments of „mmms‟ and

„aaaaahs‟ with silence. Don‟t be in a hurry to talk.

Keep a small in your note or jacket, containing key points to elaborate. This is so you

can produce a smooth flow of speech that is linked together and relevant.

Don‟t forget to breath regularly, that‟s very important! It calms your nerves if you are new

to public speaking or not used to speaking to large crowds. And especially, speak slowly!

If you speak too fast, not only will people find it hard to understand you, your words will

often be taken less seriously.

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Platform skills play a crucial role in getting your audience to stand up from their seats.

Attention should be given to pacing, pitch, volume, vocal variety and use of gestures.

These tools can help you to clarify and support words, dramatize and emphasize ideas.

It can also help you to dissipate nervous tension and stimulate audience participation.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #1

6 Steps to Eliminating “Stage Fright” Syndrome

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE

Session #1: 6 Steps to Eliminating “Stage Fright”

Syndrome

Important Learning Advisory:

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #1

6 Steps to Eliminating “Stage Fright” Syndrome

To experience better learning, it is recommended that you print and follow this transcript

while listening to the MP3 audio. There is ample space at the bottom of every page for

you to write your own notes and jolt down ideas. Happy learning!

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #1

6 Steps to Eliminating “Stage Fright” Syndrome

Hello and welcome to Public Speaking Extraordinaire, your crash course in going from a

shy newbie to becoming a highly confident and motivating speaker in your own rights!

First and foremost, thanks for choosing this course and I also salute you for taking a

serious interest in your self-improvement.

The ability to speak confidently and influence people around you is a very essential skill

to achieve success in any career you are in. Whether you are an entrepreneur in

business or working your way up the corporate ladder, the ability to speak and

communicate your message across to anyone will unlock an abundance of opportunities

that have never been previously available to you.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #1

6 Steps to Eliminating “Stage Fright” Syndrome

Did you know that public speaking is not only the most lucrative career, but also among

the highest demanded skill?

If you would study the great leaders that have their names published in the history books

– all the way up to the modern leaders, religious gurus, highly successful entrepreneurs,

sales people, trainers, coachers, managers, and even teachers – they have one

important skill in common: the ability to speak and convey their message effectively to

the masses.

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There are plenty of benefits in excelling in the area of public speaking. For starters, you

build your self-confidence. This is a priceless self-asset that no one can rob from you,

and only you can give other people permission to influence your self confidence. I

cannot stress how much more important your self-esteem is, and how valuable it is to

you when you carry yourself in front of other people, friends or new faces.

If you are an entrepreneur of any kind just starting out, the ability to persuade investors,

convey your message effectively to your prospects, and striking Joint Venture deals and

partnerships, are critical skills that public speaking can offer. This is why the minority of

businesses in any field are the giants of the industry; their leaders are great speakers

and motivators to both their employees and their customers. Where the average

businesses fail or produce mediocre results, these industry giants are the movers and

shakers. Look at Donald Trump, the real estate billionaire and TV celebrity. There‟s also

multi-millionaire and bestselling author of “Secrets of Millionaire Minds” T Harv Eker, Not

forgetting people like Oprah Winfrey, Jay Abraham, and many more.

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Public speaking isn‟t only important to business people and religious leaders. Even to

the people who choose the work life of an employee or being self-employed, employing

the skill to speak effectively is not exceptional. Notice that the CEOs of companies and

managers who climb ranks faster are often those who have the ability to communicate

effectively with others, and tie their team of workers together through their social and

speaking skills?

In a survey taken back in the early 20th century, 90% of the employers rate “the ability to

speak and communicate” as the number one criteria for employees looking for a job.

Ironically, academic qualifications came in sixth to eight place in hierarchy of importance.

And regardless of which career you are in, which organization you belong to, if you want

to take charge, and especially be a leader and motivator in your own rights, all the more

you must hone your public speaking skills. Basically, if you want people around you to

listen to you and take you seriously, focus on becoming a better public speaker. A

popular misconception about public speaking is that this skill is reserved only for those

who climb the stage to speak. You will see that this skill can be very well applied in just

almost every other areas of life, including casual conversations.

Of course, sticking to the topic of this course, you will learn how to develop your public

speaking skills and go from newbie level to extraordinaire status. 3 record days. Even if

you have no stage experience or consider yourself an introvert!

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #1

6 Steps to Eliminating “Stage Fright” Syndrome

The most common problem people face when it comes to speaking in front of an

audience, is what we call “stage fright”. Interestingly enough, according to The Book of

Lists, the fear of public speaking ranks number one to the majority of survey takers. The

fear of public speaking outranks the fear of death and the fear of disease!

Experts analyzed that the reason many people feel fearful when it comes to speaking in

public is because of anticipation of emotional pain and psychological stress. Fear is

defined as “anticipation of pain”, so naturally many people imagined the worst case

scenarios: being humiliated, subject to potential embarrassing moments, and how other

people will think of them negatively.

If you know anything about worry then you will know that most of what we worry usually

doesn‟t happen. However in as much as the logical mind can debate so, the symptoms

of fear give way to the emotional side: sweaty palms, racing heart beat, and of course

visualizing the worst case scenarios. Hence, the untrained speaker experiences

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uncomfortable sensations because fear is a psychological condition, which manifests

itself physically.

I do not underestimate the problems that “stage fright” can bring, as this has prevented

many people from overcoming this challenge in building their self-esteem. In fact, I can

relate to this problem and so have many public speaking experts when they started out

on their first presentation of any kind.

This is why this course kick-starts with a simple 6 step process on how you can eliminate

the “stage fright syndrome”. If you have never spoken on stage before, have little

experience doing presentations, or have yet to overcome the anxiety of speaking in front

of even small groups of people, there is no better time than now to overcome your

personal barrier.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #1

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Now I will reveal the six simple steps to help you overcome your fear of speaking on

stage.

STEP ONE. Remember the main message. It is that simple. Unfortunately, many

speakers overlook this simple element. For this, you have to look at the structure of your

presentation. This will be discussed in detail in Session 2. In short, a high impact

presentation revolves around one core message. This core message is the reason of

conception for your presentation or speech. If you are delivering a presentation that does

not have clear goals, or trying to achieve too many objectives in the single speech, you

will naturally experience anxiety and „brain farts‟, a state where your mind goes blank

temporarily. So remember the main message of your speech or presentation. You don‟t

need to write this on paper or be reminded as long as you can summarize the goal of

your speech in one short sentence, and elaborate your speech from there.

Also to conquer a popular but un-found fear, focus on your audience and not how you

perform, or wonder how they will think of you. When your presentation is audience

centered throughout your speech, you will find that the sensation of fear and fright will

wear off gradually. The truth is: people are really not concerned about your voice; they

are more interested in the message you want to convey to them. Also, how you perceive

yourself is more important than how others perceive you. If you have a lowly perception

of yourself, then expect everyone else to catch the poor vibes quickly and view you in

the same manner. Likewise, if you adopt a positive outlook on yourself and carry

yourself confidently up and on the stage, your positive energy can be clearly seen and

your audience will catch it just as fast.

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STEP TWO: The more you know your material, the more confident you will be and the

fear of forgetting what to say next would dissipate gradually. Thus the second step is

also your baby step in overcoming the fear of stage fright, or rather, the fear of talking to

more than one person. Start with practicing your short speech with two friends whom

you trust, or feel comfortable with. Make sure they are supportive and someone you can

rely on for constructive feedback. The speech doesn‟t have to be long, and neither does

it have to be highly professional, formal or intellectual. A simple speech on current

events is enough to get this simple exercise started. Consider this a fitness program for

your public speaking persona.

When you become comfortable with speaking to two people, raise the bar – talk to

groups of four over a cup of coffee. Again, the speech does not have to be highly

intellectual, formal or professional. Contrary to popular opinion, when people think of

„public speaking‟ they think of formal speeches they often hear in a toastmaster‟s

session, or a high level debate between two oppositions. The truth cannot get any

further from that. Public speaking is just that, conveying your message effectively to the

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masses. And you don‟t have to be highly formal in the way you talk or necessarily the

way you dress.

Again, it‟s worth repeating that you should focus on your audience, whether the group is

small or big. Assess your feelings of anxiety, and strengthen and areas that need

improvement such as voice n body language. Always remember that your speech

doesn’t have to be 100% perfect. It will naturally improve as you make more short

speeches, and have confident that you are learning enabled.

STEP THREE: Accept that people make mistakes. Everyone does. You see, no one is

born perfect. Good public speakers aren’t born; they are trained. They are made. If you

goof up in your speeches during rehearsals or even live on stage, don‟t be hard on

yourself. And I especially warn you not to punish yourself! We are designed to make

mistakes, and learn from them.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #1

6 Steps to Eliminating “Stage Fright” Syndrome

Unfortunately, many people give up after the first attempt which is usually what they

consider an embarrassing moment. So they punish themselves by avoiding the

opportunity to try again, and then they never grow as a person. Filling your mind with

negative thoughts and self-limiting doubts is another form of self-punishment, which

adds salt to the wounds. Also, speakers with low self esteem often make disclaimers at

the beginning of their speech, making statements such as “I‟m not a trained speaker”

“I‟m not an expert” and so on. Even if you think this is true, I want you to refrain from

making such disclaimers because even though you are striving for people to expect less

from you, in actual fact people will have a poorer perception on you automatically. This

will affect your credibility status long-term.

This leads to the fourth step.

STEP FOUR: Replace negative thoughts about yourself with words of encouragement. I

want to reveal to you that people in general have short-term memories. When surveyed,

many people who listed “fear of public speaking” as their greatest fear revealed that they

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #1

6 Steps to Eliminating “Stage Fright” Syndrome

are afraid that other people will remember their humiliating moments for a long time to

come. In reality, these embarrassing moments are often forgotten by the masses and

even so, yield little significance for discussion throughout time. If you want proof, try to

remember what was published on the front pages of the daily newspapers one year ago.

I rest my case.

Just like how the seeds of a tree determine the fruits or end product, our inside has a

significant impact on our outside. Negative self talk not only drains your energy, it can

also de-motivate you as our actions or outside are influenced by our subconscious mind.

To overcome this, practice replacing subconscious thoughts like – “I can’t do this” and

“The crowd will laugh at me” with phrases like “I feel energetic!” “I am excited! I am

prepared and focused!” The attitude will follow once you embrace positive self talk. As

the famous saying goes – Fake it till you make it.

Accept that for any skill that has multiple levels of mastery, learning curves are always

involved. In order to improve, you have to take risks! However consider this: what is the

worst that can ever happen to you if you goof up your speech, if for any reason at all?

Think of your speech as an opportunity to offer benefits and convey information to your

audience. Thomas Edison failed thousands of times before he invented the light bulb.

That did not deter him one bit. The best part is: he expected to fail. Can you imagine if

he gave up before he reached the thousandth time? We would all be living in the dark

now. Or another brilliant individual would have succeeded where Thomas did not, and

his name would have taken over his in the history books.

So remind yourself constantly that if you overcome your phobia of speaking in public,

speaking on stage, or speaking to groups of people, you will not only conquer one of

your greatest fears that has been holding you back for years, I guarantee you will

experience and euphoria of breakthrough in other areas of your life.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #1

6 Steps to Eliminating “Stage Fright” Syndrome

STEP FIVE: let‟s deal with your exterior display of stage fright that is giving you away in

front of everyone. Convert physical symptoms of fear into positive energy. Not only can

we only convert our thoughts, but also our physical behavior as well.

For example, think of the pounding of your heart and racing pulse as an adrenaline rush.

This will allow you to feel alert and energetic. If you feel your legs shaking, walking

around will help you convey confidence and positive energy.

In the event that you actually blank out, tell a story about a funny thing that happened to

you recently. This will give you time to sort yourself out and also brighten the mood of

the place. Also, a dry mouth or throat can be easily remedied with a sip of warm water or

tea. Be warned that cold drinks constrict the throat, so avoid cold beverages.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #1

6 Steps to Eliminating “Stage Fright” Syndrome

FINAL STEP SIX: there is no better way to boost your self-confidence instantly than

recalling a familiar face in the crowd. It can be your family member, close friend, spouse,

or whoever you trust and supports you.

Scanning the floor for a few key people helps too. You will notice that regardless of

which audience you speak to, there will always be a few people on the floor who have

motivating facial expressions or body language. You can detect them in their nods,

smiles, or display of interest. While you should be giving even attention to the floor, look

for a few key people you identify who have motivating body languages or facial

expressions, encouraging you to give a better presentation.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #1

6 Steps to Eliminating “Stage Fright” Syndrome

All in all, speaking to an audience is no different from your day-to-day interaction with

people. The only difference is in the formality of presentation: speaking on stage, in the

hall, or in front of the room. Essentially, in a conversation you are conveying a message,

persuading someone or just providing information to the person you are talking to.

Realizing this will help you to feel much more confident and powerful on stage. When

talking to someone or a group of friends, try to visualize yourself on top of a stage, and

in this case they are below the stage while you try and convey your message to them.

You would be surprised, how they react to you in real life will also be how they react to

you on stage. To exemplify this, try incorporating elements of your public speaking to

your everyday conversations and see how they will respond.

Also, what other people think of you is not as important as how YOU think of yourself.

Last but not least, public speaking is not reserved only for extroverts. Even introverts

stand just much of a chance to become shining speaking superstars!

In the next session, I talk about how you can craft your own high impact presentation.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #2

GOAL SETTING – How to Deliver a Simple but High Impact Message

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE

Session #2: GOAL SETTING – How to Deliver a

Simple But High Impact Message

Important Learning Advisory:

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #2

GOAL SETTING – How to Deliver a Simple but High Impact Message

To experience better learning, it is recommended that you print and follow this transcript

while listening to the MP3 audio. There is ample space at the bottom of every page for

you to write your own notes and jolt down ideas. Happy learning!

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #2

GOAL SETTING – How to Deliver a Simple but High Impact Message

Welcome to the second session of Public Speaking Extraordinaire. In this session, we

will cover goal setting for your speech presentation, and how to deliver a simple but high

impact message.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #2

GOAL SETTING – How to Deliver a Simple but High Impact Message

Defining your speech goal can be broken down into three main segments: MARKET,

MEDIUM and MESSAGE. Let’s take a more detailed look at each of these segments.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #2

GOAL SETTING – How to Deliver a Simple but High Impact Message

MARKET. This is the most important component of your speech goal to observe first or

else designing your speech will be useless. It pays to have clarity on knowing exactly

WHO you are going to be talking to. For example, if you intend to market or sell a

product, you most definitely don’t want to approach students – unless they are your

target market. It will be very helpful to research your client’s background, level of

education and understanding. Targeting the right audience will ensure that both parties

gain maximal benefit from your presentation.

Then we look at the MEDIUM. This simply means, how are you going to deliver your

speech or presentation? Think of it as a vehicle for your speech. It can range from

casual conversation with a small group of people, speaking in front of the room, or

climbing the stage to deliver a powerful presentation.

Finally, you look at the MESSAGE. What is the core message of your speech? It should

be summed up in one short and memorable sentence. This is the main message you

want to send to the masses, and the rest of your speech will be elaborated from this

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #2

GOAL SETTING – How to Deliver a Simple but High Impact Message

simple message. Amateur speakers don’t realize the fundamentals of effective speaking,

and you can see this when someone delivers a random or unorganized speech.

Your entire presentation, long or short, will be centered on your single goal.

Now that your speech goal is defined, the next thing to do before you make your next

speech is to define your own objectives, by beginning with the END in mind. Ask yourself:

“what do you want your audience to do during or after your presentation?”

This is the main reason why you are doing public speaking in the first place, especially if

it is on a more professional level. And it matters all the more if you are a leader or

person with power within an organization. The expert sales people often use the term

“call to action”. In other words, after delivering your presentation or speech, you expect

the audience to take some form of action or initiative. What will it be?

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #2

GOAL SETTING – How to Deliver a Simple but High Impact Message

For example: if you are a salesperson and you are representing your company to pitch in

your company’s latest product, you want your audience to become your customers.

Therefore, your presentation teaches product knowledge, and must result in persuading

the audience to become your customers.

If you are selling a product or a course, you goal would be for them to take action or to

buy your back-end offer. Your goals should be such that all parties will benefit from your

speech. As a speaker, you will get to establish credibility for yourself, gain experience

and increase exposure, build confidence, and not to mention benefit from the immense

satisfaction you get from delivering a mind-blowing speech. You must also set the goals

for the audience and tell them the benefits so that they know what they will gain from

listening to you.

This is a common practice in self-improvement, wealth creation and Internet Marketing

seminars. These wealth creation gurus are truly walking their talk, and you can learn a

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #2

GOAL SETTING – How to Deliver a Simple but High Impact Message

lot from how they push their back-end products and services by spending the last 10 to

15 minutes of their speech pitching in their latest offer.

However this technique is not limited to just sales. Good church leaders, priests and

pastors employ the call to action after a sermon is read. At the core, the reason you are

speaking in public is so you can move and compel your target audience!

That said, your reason for public speaking is not only to make sales. You will see that

public speaking is a highly adaptable skill in any field that demands creation for

awareness.

This also includes fostering understanding and relations, and even as far as inspiring

and motivating other people. Now it’s no small wonder why self-improvement seminars

are highly profitable. Public speaking is a powerful skill, and motivating your audience

positively can elevate you to greater heights in success and relationships.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #2

GOAL SETTING – How to Deliver a Simple but High Impact Message

Finally, once you’ve set your goals, you must always have them at them back of your

head when you develop your speech. How does the topic relate to your goals? What

specific objectives or results are desired? The entire setup of the speech will have to

take into account these goals so that you won’t waste your time or your prospects’ time.

Now moving on to how to create a high impact presentation in 30 minutes or less. Many

anxious and first-time speakers spend a great deal of time with preparing before their

live presentations. To me, it’s more important to spend as little time possible at this stage

so you can spend more time rehearsing and improving. Thus, here is a quick formula to

developing your own high impact, mind-blowing presentation in half an hour or less!

Before we cover the four main elements of high impact presentation, be sure to use a

Powerpoint program to create your presentation slides, very much like what you are

seeing in this video, or reading in this transcript now. Microsoft Powerpoint is normally

available in most PCs. Alternatively, you can use any other computer programs that

create presentation slides that will aid your flow of speech, as well as deliver effective

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #2

GOAL SETTING – How to Deliver a Simple but High Impact Message

key points to your audience, allowing them to both see and hear your speech. It is also

worthy to note that expert speakers like T Harv Eker use nothing more than a white

board and marker pen, though this is best reserved for speakers with more experience.

For now, start off with leveraging on Powerpoint presentations to boost your speech

excitement and flow of message.

As mentioned earlier in this session, you must craft a core message to send to your

audience. Your core message, which can be summed up in one short sentence, can

very well be the title of your presentation. In the Internet Marketing field, the online

marketing experts who specialize in different areas title their presentations like: “Online

Teleseminar Secrets” by Alex Mandossian, “List Building Power” by Jaz Lai, “6-Figure

Info Product Empire” by Edmund Loh, and many more.

Your presentation slides do not have to be overloaded with words – just a few words and

a few key points will do. It is up to your duty as the speaker to elaborate on each key

points. The function of the slides is to not only give you a smoother flow of speech, but

also aid in your audience memory. Bold and color some words to keep your presentation

exciting and deliver impact.

Last but not least, stick to the K.I.S.S. principle – Keep It Simple Silly! There’s no need

for a bombastic presentation, loaded with technical jargons or words that make you

sound smart. In fact, the simpler your presentation the more effective you can

communicate your message across the room. And this is what defines professionalism.

There is little or no use in your presentation if at the end of the day, your audience barely

understand or get excited let alone respond to your final call to action.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #2

GOAL SETTING – How to Deliver a Simple but High Impact Message

The following elements apply to any speech: Problem, Cause, Solution and Benefit.

These elements are similar to the ones you would find in a successful direct response

sales letter: Problem, Promise, Proof, and Price.

In public speaking context, you start the introduction with highlighting an existing

problem or challenge your audience can relate to, or are currently facing. Then you

transit into the cause – the root of the problem. This is later followed by solutions and its

benefits.

As a rule of thumb, the introduction must provoke curiosity and arouse the interest of the

audience. It’s the make or break point which will determine if your presentation is going

to impact your audience or not. Start by thanking the introducer or emcee, and follow

with a STRONG opening to your speech. A strong opening involves a probing question

and a strong statement, which you can then throw in a personal story or a quote to draw

the attention of the crowd. It also sets the mood for the rest of the presentation.

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #2

GOAL SETTING – How to Deliver a Simple but High Impact Message

The introduction is followed by a smooth transitioning sentence. Example: “In addition”

“my next point” and “where I’m leading you up to is this” Your main points are backed up

by supporting sub-points which include inspiring stories, facts, history, humor, and

illustration which help exemplify the point you are trying to make.

SPEECH DRAFTING. Drafting your speech follows after crafting your presentation

slides, or mind map for some more experienced speakers.

Identify your topic and goal, write your opening lines and follow with 3 to 4 key points,

accompanied by backup points and summarize with a conclusion. Once you have written

down your points you can now craft your presentation based on the following outline.

Start with an Introduction and then transit into your first main point. The main point is

backed with interesting stories, illustrations, and examples. After that, transit into the

second and third point using the same method. If you are selling or motivating your

PUBLIC SPEAKING EXTRAORDINAIRE session #2

GOAL SETTING – How to Deliver a Simple but High Impact Message

audience, you may include the benefits of taking action, suggested action and finally end

with some closing remarks.

Using stories – especially if it is your own personal experience – can make your speech

highly compelling.

Once you have conveyed all your points, you can now focus on driving your audience

into taking action. This can be done by conveying the benefits of your product you are

selling and relating back to the problems you have stated earlier.

Finally, to conclude you should tie everything together, summarize, make an appeal, call

to action, or challenge your audience (depending on the goal of your presentation). Sum

it all up by bringing up the objectives in the beginning and reinforce that these goals

have been achieved.

IN SUMMARY: there is no fixed guideline to the perfect presentation but this session has

given some good insight as to how to prepare a high impact presentation in a short

amount of time, so you can the rest of the time rehearsing and improving your

presentation over time!

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