Difficult Conversations
Scenario: The performance of your top employee has recently slipped. You had a conversation with the employee to address it. The employee improved for a period of time, but slipped again. Now, your boss has noticed, which questions your leadership. You do not want to terminate this employee because you know the value of this person and their work, and you trust and respect this employee. However, you are starting to look bad.
It is time to take action, so you schedule a meeting with the employee.
Part One: Considering the course materials for this week, discuss your strategy for the meeting, including:
Part Two: Write a brief dialogue recording the conversation between you and this employee that demonstrates your use of the strategies outlined above. Include at least 4 interchanges between you and them.
Post your initial response by Wednesday, midnight of your time zone, and reply to at least 2 of your classmates’ initial posts by Sunday, midnight of your time zone.
1st peer to respond to
Hello everyone,
This is a great discussion, difficult conversations. That is because there are conversations that I need to have but will avoid them because its difficult. With that known I enjoyed reading the different articles for this week.
Candid conversations are ideal as it leaves nothing to the imagination after a meeting. It removes the guess work for the individuals involved. Before the meeting with my colleague I would have a moment of self-reflection. This is important to ensure that I am not taking any baggage or hindrances into the meeting. These can create barriers before the meeting begin. I would be clear in how I am viewing the individual and verify my exact feeling(s) and be prepared to remove my feeling(s) during my self-reflection that can cause negative results. The one feeling I would be sure to exemplify is empathy. Being empathetic will allow my colleague to see that I am identifying with their emotion. And it also let’s him/her see I value how they are feeling. Next, I would reflect on what could possibly make me a bad listener, both verbally and nonverbally. Lastly, I would notate what needs to be addressed. After the list has been made, I would then think about how I can inspire, motivate, and build a stronger tie to aide in a better relationship with my co-worker and increased workload output results. Building an effective relationship is important. The list includes 15 ways to build better relationships. I chose my top 5 from the list. It would require me to 1) recognize different communication styles, 2) notice the deeper message, 3) deal with problems head on, 4) don’t over think my colleagues intentions, and 5) be more self aware. These were my top 5 because I viewed the list and saw some on the list that I was familiar with and/or was already in practice. In an effort for things to get better I need to realize where the improvement needs to be made. That may also require me to activate the areas on the list where I was not as strong hence, doing things differently.
Meeting Dialogue-Meeting Date and Time: Thursday, January 7, 2021 @ 10A
Day before meeting complete a self reflection and improve needed items (check accuracy of improvements checklist with reputable articles and immediate manager, if needed)
Day of meeting in conference room 15 minutes ahead of time, 10 minutes later in walks Monica
Me: Good morning Monica, how are you today? (smile and pause for response)
Monica: I am well thank you (seems relaxed)
Me: I saw Bridge is now a freshmen in college. Its hard to believe so are my twins. (maintaining personal space with great eye contact)
Monica: Yes, time has flown by. I have to look at photos to remember their 1st bday
Me: I do the same. It seems as though we were dropping them of to daycare last year..lol Are you ready to begin our meeting?
Monica: Yes, let’s do it.
Me: Great. I printed your call log and documentations to be sure we are looking at the same areas for improvement. I see during the last week in December where you increased your documentation on the calls made to vendors and follow-up with the warehouse. That’s is great! I appreciate the dedication you made to improving. That let’s us both see, you can do this! As we look at Monday, January 4th, the calls and documentations spiraled downhill. After you’ve documented, an email and/or should be sent to the warehouse to replenish the items that the vendors are requesting.
Monica: Thank you. You do know, Greg in the warehouse never responds to his emails. I mean I tried calling him before Christmas and he tells me to call back after lunch because he is short of staff and packing boxes. That was rude of Gregg and I really don’t care to speak with him anymore. He hardly gave me the chance to complete my sentence.
Me: Maintaining space, facial expressions in tune with conversation, and actively listening. I hear what your saying. I would like for everyone to improve their level of communication. I would more information on what took place between you and Greg, please include date and time. I would like to get this taken care of quickly. Our company is expanding and roles may increase the amount of communication we have with everyone here. Tell me, what can we do to make the connection between administrative and the warehouse more effective? Develop your list of four items. I will ask the same of Greg.
Monica: I will get my list to you within before lunch. I appreciate you listening. Greg really isn’t a bad person but he does come off rude at times.
Me: We will all work together to take this company to the next level. Thank you for committing to this meeting.
I did not over think Monica’s intentions. Although, it could’ve been viewed as though she was preoccupied. The reason why she was not completing her work was because she felt insulted. I was fully engaged while empathizing with what Monica had to say. Her ability to point fingers was noted. She will need a one-on-one with making sure she reports issues immediately so it won’t spill over into her performance.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2020/03/03/15-ways-to-build-better-co-worker-relationships-for-a-more-positive-workplace/?sh=309da0f36e71
https://www.fastcompany.com/90293558/6-reasons-why-youre-a-bad-listener-and-how-to-change-it
https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/how-toxic-is-your-body-language-exactly-quite-toxic-if-you-do-these-4-things.html
https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/328644
https://smallbusiness.chron.com/first-impressions-business-etiquette-2908.html
https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/how-smart-people-ask-great-questions-and-get-great-answers.html
2nd classmate to respond to
Good evening Professor Leighton-Lucas and class,
Relationships with employees, whether subordinates or otherwise, are very important and fragile. One adverse action or word could cause the relationship to go sour. You can damage your career and work relationships by your actions and the behaviors you exhibit with co-workers at work (Heathfield, 1). It is also essential to be candid with an employee from the early stages of interviewing. They should know what the expectations are and what is requested of them. There should be a clear understanding of the employee’s role and their acting supervisor/manager. The relationship starts before the employee comes on board, and the onboarding process solidifies the expectations and influences the vibe of how the relationship will be going forward.
For me to be candid in a conversation, I first should be self-aware of my social skills and how I communicate. I want to be constructive, helpful, and curious about the situation. The only way this employee will speak freely is if they feel comfortable talking to me without embarrassment, fear of repercussions, and know that I have led by example. During our conversation, I would show candor and be clear with the employees’ roles and responsibilities and how they live up to those expectations with production numbers or any reports available that would show the work. Using straightforward language includes relevant examples; the calling card of dishonest talk is flowery or ambiguous language (Hain, 3).
I would struggle to remove my personal feelings from the conversation simply because I internalize things sometimes and place myself in the other person’s shoes. I would be patient and allow the conversation to flow and listen. If the discussion seems to head in a direction where it will get emotional, I will reroute the conversation. I would try planning out the conversation ahead of time to control the clarity and empathy. Emotional complex exchanges require planning with clarity, compassion, and forethought, helping to achieve a smoother conversation (Meyer, 2). Even though every scenario would be challenging to prepare for, I would do as much planning as possible. I would ensure that I know the facts but still be prepared to hear details that I have never heard before.
Building relationships are essential to our daily lives, not only in business or in the workplace. For one, I do not feel confident speaking or working with someone that I do not trust. Building trust is a technique I would use to get to know my co-workers/teams by having an open-door policy. Leading by example, exemplifying effective communication, and listening are also techniques that I would use. I always want to be a resource and a voice for those who do not have one. Showing empathy and letting the team know that I am human and do not operate without emotion. As I stated early on, building trust does not only start when a person is hired but also when they are interviewing. Responding to questions and emails open and honestly and building that rapport beforehand helps to build relationships.
1. Heathfield, S. M. (2019, September 30). Effective Interpersonal Relationships Are Key to Success. Retrieved January 11, 2021, from
https://www.thebalancecareers.com/developing-effective-work-relationships-1919386
2. Meyer, E. H. (2017, February 7). Curbing Emotions During Difficult Conversations. Retrieved January 11, 2021, from
https://www.higheredjobs.com/articles/articleDisplay.cfm?ID=1188
3. Hain, R. (2017, April 21). A Road Map to Candid Work Conversations. Retrieved January 11, 2021, from https://www.serviampartners.com/a-road-map-to-candid-work-conversations/#:~:text=Candid%20conversations%20are%20best%20served,is%20flowery%20or%20ambiguous%20language.
Part 2: Dialogue
The discussion with this employee would be in a private meeting room. I will prepare beforehand to eliminate any hostility or anger while showing the employee that I am here and want to understand what caused such a decline in their productivity. I would also minimize my non-verbal communication as not to put the employee in defense mode.
Laquita (me):
Thank you for meeting with me today. I want us to catch up on what has been going on since our last conversation. You are a valued member of the team, and I appreciate all your hard work. Management and I are concerned about the decline in your performance lately, and I wanted to take some time to discuss any issues or concerns you have and offer my support and assistance.
Tamika (employee):
Thank you, Mrs. Mitchell. I appreciate your willingness to listen and help me. A lot has happened since we last spoke. My son is now attending virtual school from home, and I must assist and monitor him daily to ensure that he is correctly completing and turning in his work as needed. I have struggled with my work-life balance and have fallen behind on my work responsibilities. Since we are working from home now, there is an increase in Zoom meetings where as before, we could walk up to one another in the office and have a discussion.
Laquita (me):
I certainly understand the issues that you have discussed with me today. We all have had to readjust how we conduct business and our home to accommodate these changes with working from home. The most important thing is that you communicate whatever issues you have to me to work towards a solution. When one employee is not holding up their end of the bargain, we are a team; it affects the entire team and not only one person.
Tamika (employee):
I understand, but I did not feel the company would support the changes that I need to make with having a flexible schedule and allowing me to take mid-day breaks to assist my son. It is a lot to ask, and management has not always been accommodating to other past employees that had similar issues. Management plays favorites with who they allow to do what. Even though I was a top performer, I was not part of the in-crowd, so I did not have the same luxuries.
Laquita (me):
I apologize that you feel that way; I have always tried to treat all employees equally and provide the support needed to be successful as a team. I will make it a point to improve upon those areas of providing more support and ensuring that everyone has a voice. What is it that you need to ensure your productivity increases to the standards we have set previously?
Tamika (employee):
I want to adjust my schedule to work more hours after my son gets out of school. I would still work during his school hours but will work until 7:00 p.m. each night to complete any needed tasks. When I have a scheduled meeting, I will ask if a team member could fill me in if I am unable to attend. I appreciate you working with me and adjusting my schedule.
Laquita (me):
You are more than welcome. You are a valued member of our team, and we appreciate you.
JWI 505: Business Communications and Executive Presence
Week 2 Lecture Notes
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JWI 505 – Lecture Notes (1206) Page 1 of 6
Interpersonal Communication
What It Means
As a leader, you own one hundred percent of your relationships. You do not have the luxury
of waiting for other people to meet you halfway, and they are not responsible for maintaining
your relationships with them. If you want engaged colleagues and collaborators, you must
take responsibility. It is up to you to inspire, to motivate, and to build strong ties with others.
Your success depends on the strength of your relationships with your colleagues. These are
your collaborators, the people who can support your goals and help you realize them. People
will engage with you and follow you based on who you are, not just what you do. You cannot
tell others how to feel – you can only lead by example, openly and generously.
In this lecture, you will learn how to strengthen your interpersonal communication skills. We
will describe the qualities you need to demonstrate in each of your interactions, as well as
how to express yourself verbally and nonverbally. We will also explore the skill of active
listening and distinguish communication styles for different audiences.
Why It Matters
• Much of your efficacy as a leader depends on how you engage with and inspire
others.
• You can only create strong relationships when others feel that you listen to and
empathize with them.
• Leaders interact with a wide range of people and must tailor their messages
effectively.
“Empathy and social skills are social intelligence, the interpersonal part of emotional
intelligence. That’s why they look alike.”
Daniel Goleman
JWI 505: Business Communications and Executive Presence
Week 2 Lecture Notes
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JWI 505 – Lecture Notes (1206) Page 2 of 6
Interpersonal Relationships
There are four elements to any communicative action. There is always a subject, or someone
performing the communication. There is a listener, or someone receiving the communication.
There is a message, information that the subject wants to convey to the listener. And finally,
there is a means of delivery – the tools the subject uses to send their message.
As a subject, both your message and your means of delivery rely heavily on your relationship
with your listener. And whether you work in a massive corporation or a startup out of your
garage, you will invariably have to interact with people. Perhaps your listener is a customer
that you hope will buy your product or service. Maybe they are a coworker whose insights you
need to complete a project. In any case, you cannot simply send a message and hope they
act on it. If you want the listener to accept your message, they need to want to listen to you.
You have to give them a reason to want to listen. That may be easy to do with a colleague
that you have known for years. It is a lot harder to accomplish with a new coworker that you
have never met before.
Regardless of who your listener is, you have to find a way to engage them. You need to
establish trust between the two of you. You need to let them know you value their input and
response. In short, you need to empathize with them.
Enhancing Your Empathy
In the business world, empathy is often considered a “soft skill.” It is the ability to see and to
feel what another person is experiencing from their perspective. Please note that empathy is
not the same as sympathy. Sympathy simply entails acknowledging someone else’s feelings.
Empathy involves actually taking on those feelings. As PureMatter CEO Bryan Kramer puts it,
“Instead of feeling with someone, you’re feeling for them. You’re experiencing a fraction of
their emotions and feelings because you see things from their perspective.”1
1 Bryan Kramer, “The Critical Difference between Sympathy and Empathy,” Forbes, August 13, 2018,
https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2018/08/13/the-critical-difference-between-sympathy-and-
empathy/#616a6a6d16a3.
JWI 505: Business Communications and Executive Presence
Week 2 Lecture Notes
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JWI 505 – Lecture Notes (1206) Page 3 of 6
Empathy is a critical addition to your leadership skillset. When you connect with someone and
really understand their feelings and perspectives, you increase their relationship buy-in. They
will want to work with you and to accomplish a shared goal. To use Jack’s phrase, that is how
you get “every brain in the game.” Empathy is also important for handling more difficult
conversations. If you recognize the source of someone’s emotions, you can relate to them
more easily. You better understand what discourages them and what motivates them. You
implicitly validate their feelings. Empathy, when you use it well, engenders respect.
The importance of empathy cannot be overstated, but we do not see it as often as we should.
Businessolver, a benefits technology company, conducts an annual State of Workplace
Empathy study. Through polling, the company evaluates how empathetic American
businesses are. In their 2019 report, 92% of CEOs surveyed said their organizations were
empathetic. Only 72% of employees agreed.2 Think about it and be honest with yourself. How
often do you feel as if your supervisor actively listens to you? Conversely, if you are a
supervisor, how often do you demonstrate that you appreciate your employees’ input?
Whether or not the leaders and managers at your company are empathetic plays a major role
in determining the amount of time and effort employees put into their work. It can even
determine whether employees stay with your company at all!
It is up to you, as both a communicator and a listener, to ensure that your interactions are
empathetic. Fortunately, there is a plethora of verbal and nonverbal techniques you can use
to connect more effectively with your colleagues and customers.
Speaking with Empathy
The key to communicating empathetically is remembering that communication is not – and
cannot be – just about you. Your message needs to be relevant to both you and your listener.
There are simple methods that will persuade your listener to invest in the message. One very
subtle trick is to avoid using first person singular pronouns, such as “me” and “my.” Telling
2 Rae Shanahan, “The 2019 State of Workplace Empathy Study: the Competitive Edge Leaders Are Missing,”
Businessolver, March 28, 2019, https://blog.businessolver.com/the-2019-state-of-workplace-empathy-study-the-
competitive-edge-leaders-are-missing.
JWI 505: Business Communications and Executive Presence
Week 2 Lecture Notes
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copied, further distributed, or otherwise disclosed, in whole or in part, without the expressed written permission of Strayer University.
JWI 505 – Lecture Notes (1206) Page 4 of 6
someone, “I need to organize last month’s invoices” is not a productive way to communicate.
That sentence only highlights your own needs. Your listener is left asking themselves, “So
what?” Telling someone, “We need to organize last month’s invoices” is much more
collaborative. It indicates that organizing last month’s invoices is a shared goal that is both
your responsibility and theirs.
Your listener will be more inclined to receive your message if they feel that they can talk with
you. This is where your social skills come into play. Find quick moments during the day to
interact with people. This includes arriving early for meetings and never discounting the value
of water cooler talk. This shows others you are not “too busy” to talk with them. And if you are
a supervisor and you have an “open door” policy, make sure your office door is actually open!
Conversations should never just be about yourself. Demonstrate your curiosity about your
listener by asking lots of questions. Try not to ask closed questions to which there are limited
answers. The question, “Did you like the boss’s presentation?” really only has two answers,
neither of which are terribly insightful. Definitely avoid asking leading questions which imply
an answer. When you say, “You did not like the boss’s presentation, did you?” you
subliminally force the listener to answer in a way they may not agree with. “How was the
boss’s presentation?” is a better question, but the listener does not have to give a detailed or
thoughtful answer; they can just say, “It was good.” Instead, ask a more complex question
that forces the listener to think and give you a thoughtful answer. A question like, “What was
your favorite part of the boss’s presentation?” would be a great example.
The words you use matter when talking to someone, but so does your body language. Your
listener will be more receptive if you come across as open, welcoming, curious, and
appreciative. Look the other person in the eye at all times. This shows that you value their
response. Stand close to your listener, but not too close. You want to show them that their
presence is important, while still respecting their personal space. Do not cross your arms.
This stance “shuts you off” and makes you look forbidding. As we mentioned in last week’s
lecture, never look at your phone while talking to someone face to face. And unless you are
delivering seriously bad news, maintain a relaxed smile.
JWI 505: Business Communications and Executive Presence
Week 2 Lecture Notes
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copied, further distributed, or otherwise disclosed, in whole or in part, without the expressed written permission of Strayer University.
JWI 505 – Lecture Notes (1206) Page 5 of 6
Listening with Empathy
Good communication is not just about imparting information. It is about receiving information,
too. Conveying your message effectively is certainly important. But it is equally important to
listen when the other person talks. When they feel heard, they are more receptive to your
message, more likely to build rapport with you, and more likely to become an active ally in
addressing the issues at hand. Both you and your listener can thus exchange information and
arrive at a collaborative solution. In his TEDx Talk “The Power of Listening,” negotiations
expert William Ury says that listening “… may be the cheapest concession we can make in a
negotiation. It costs us nothing, and it brings huge benefits. Listening may be the golden key
that opens the door to human relationship.”3
Remember, though, that there is a big difference between listening to someone and hearing
them. When you hear someone, all you do is acknowledge that they are talking. You do not
force yourself to be present, and neither of you truly connects with the other. If you have a
conversation with someone, and you cannot remember exactly what they said five minutes
later, you heard them, but you did not actually listen in an attentive way.
Properly listening to someone requires more than mere acknowledgement, and it takes
practice. You should absorb what they say, while gleaning new information and finding ways
to relate to them. Never assume you already know or understand what the other person is
saying. The next time someone is talking to you, periodically respond with what you think they
are saying. This is useful for two reasons. First, it gives the other person an opportunity to
confirm your understanding or correct it if needed. Second, it demonstrates that you are
making an effort to understand them. It shows that you are present and that you value them.
When you listen, the other person should do most of the talking. This means a lot of your
responsive communication will be nonverbal. Looking the other person directly in the eye
helps demonstrate that you are present, as does refraining from fidgeting with your hands,
clothes, or office supplies. Make a conscious effort not to seem imposing. Stand or sit close to
the other person, instead of standing on the other side of the room or sitting behind a big
3 TEDx Talks, “The Power of Listening | William Ury | TEDxSanDiego,” YouTube, January 7, 2015,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saXfavo1OQo&feature=emb_logo.
JWI 505: Business Communications and Executive Presence
Week 2 Lecture Notes
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copied, further distributed, or otherwise disclosed, in whole or in part, without the expressed written permission of Strayer University.
JWI 505 – Lecture Notes (1206) Page 6 of 6
desk. These steps are particularly important if you are a supervisor talking to one of your
employees. Psychologist Dolly Chugh explains that: “… when you are in a low-power role,
you are really good at reading nonverbal cues, remembering more of what was said, being
attentive, because you have more of a need from a survival standpoint.”4 So, if you are a
leader, your position of authority may reduce the impetus to be attentive, but it is important to
make a conscious effort to do so. Remember that your listening skills should make the other
person feel empowered, not disparaged or endangered.
Looking Ahead
In this lecture, we explored the importance of effective interpersonal communication in business.
We learned why empathy is such a critical component of your communications, as well as how
to demonstrate it when you speak and listen. Every interaction you have is an opportunity to
connect with others. Being authentic and present will build strong relationships and inspire your
colleagues. Everyone in your team or your company will be better positioned to win.
In the next lecture, we will explore the foundations of intercultural communication. We will delve
into the components of culture, as well as the cultural variables people exhibit in their behavior
at work. We will also enhance our understanding of how to communicate with colleagues from
different backgrounds and cultures.
4 Businessolver, “Rewards Multiply with Workplace Empathy,” The Washington Post, n.d.,
https://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/brand-connect/businessolver/rewards-multiply-with-workplace-empathy/.
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