at least 400 words, APA format, must support their assertions with at least 1 scholarly citation in
current APA format.
After listening to Ryan Dobson’s interview on “being intolerant”, interact in a thoughtful manner with the following questions:
Dr. Dobson Speaks Out on Religious Liberty
Welcome to this Tuesday edition
of Dr James Dobson’s family talk I’m Luann crane here with Brian Dobson and
our host as always is psychologist and author Dr James Dobson and Iran here
we are exactly one week away from Election Day and as such we have
the perfect program planned for this occasion we do who are going to be
focusing on religious liberty today and lo and I know that this is a topic close
to most of our listeners hearts and most definitely important to my dad and
all of us here a family talk in fact just two weeks ago my dad appeared on a form on
religious liberty here in Colorado Springs along with some other religious
leaders in constitutional experts and we’re going to let our listeners hear
a portion of that event today yeah it was a powerhouse panel Ryan they were
all hosted by Bishop Michael Sheridan at the holy Apostles Catholic Church here
in town also part of the panel was Mr Martin Nussbaum a partner in
the law firm Roth Berger Johnson and Lyons his primary practice
is serving churches and other religious organizations and
schools including us here at family talk that’s right Also there were
Dr Tim Fuller who teaches political theory at Colorado College and
Bishop Philip Porter the founder of all nations Pentecostal
Church of God in Christ in Aurora Colorado all of these men gathered discuss the
current threats to religious liberty and just why this freedom is central to all of
our other privileges as American citizens it is hard to think of a topic more
appropriate as we all study our ballots this week and prepare to make some
incredibly important decisions now we don’t have time to hear from
everyone on the panel today but we will be hearing from our hosts Dr James
Dobson and Attorney Martha Nussbaum So let’s dive right in as moderator Eric Hall
gets a started on this family talk broadcast we’ll start with
the first question to you and this question comes from what you said on
your radio program you said there are very clearly that you believe the battle
to preserve religious liberty. It is a life and
death struggle for the heart and soul of this nation please explain. I am delighted to be with you all and
especially on this subject which is I think is important is anything
going on in the culture at this time and our founding fathers felt that way and
to validate what I said in that statement I don’t remember
being set exactly like that but that’s what I believe they were
in a life and death struggle for the soul of the nation and
it really does come down to that and I wanted Mitt to you all that I spent a
good part of the week in and this morning. Revealing the history of this struggle for religious liberty and especially what
our founding fathers had to say and I have some of that in writing and I think
I’ve ever given a speech in my life where I have read essentially read to
the public I just don’t do that but I have to tonight because
I have quotes that I have not committed to memory but
I am very familiar with them so let me let me tell you what I
came across this weekend and like I say I’ve known some of it for some
time but I think we need to review a need to go back to the times
of our founding fathers in the seventeen hundred
seventeen eighty seven eighty one where they were dealing with this very
issue and I don’t think it can understand where we are today without knowing what
they intended for us so let me share some quotes with you the second president
of the United States John Adams said this. This we have no government armed
with the power capable of contending with human passion
unbridled by morality and religion in other words
it is the human nature is such that there is nothing in
government that that can corral it. Other than morality and religion our
Constitution was made not only for a moral and religious people it is wholly
inadequate to the government of any other. My father put it in different words and
you may think this is an overstatement but he said Democracy is
the worst form of government if the people want evil because
there’s no stopping them and that’s why religious liberty for the people is so essential to
the continuation of the democracy. James Madison reported to Thomas Jefferson
in seventy nine hundred six that the Virginia legislature had
finally passed the great statute for religious liberty they struggle
a lot debated a lot and they passed it Madison was exalted that the historical law would not
establish a single church or did nomination but religious
freedom itself that’s the basis for what we have inherited it was
the first time in human history the very first time in any
government in any society that such a law was passed
that people were free to believe and think what they wished and
it became that found they. In far all civil liberty and
that’s where we are today religious liberty is directly related to
the continuation of our way of life and our government because it is so
critical to all the other forms of liberty that we have been given by the Founding Fathers Madison
also said that people are right to take alarm at the first
advance on their liberties in other words you better defend them
because they will erode if you don’t and you’ve got to stand up and and
support them because it is so unusual for a people to have such freedom and then all the other rights
that are in the Bill of Rights and throughout our governmental here so
that’s the way he saw it Thomas Jefferson our third president
then one of the principle framers of the Constitution wrote the words that now
appear on his memorial in Washington D.C. Now you don’t write things on the wall
of a memorial in the nation’s capital unless it’s very very important and
you know Thomas Jefferson has primarily known by being
a frame of the Constitution but also because he wrote a letter having
to do with the separation of church and state but that does not really
describe what he believes this is what’s on that wall
can the Liberty Seven Nation be thought secure this is a same idea now when we have removed their only firm basis what’s the only firm basis for
our liberty it’s a conviction in. In the minds of people that those
liberties are the gift of God That’s seventeen eighty one That’s what he said
what you enjoy in the way of freedom today it is a direct product of
the freedom to believe or not believe we’re not forced
to believe anything but we have the freedom to believe exactly
what we want and then of course he wrote the words that are despised by
people coming from the far left where in doubt by their Creator with certain
unalienable rights among them life. Yeah life liberty. And the pursuit of happiness
These are all linked together to form the religious liberty that’s
the foundation of all our freedoms and yet two hundred thirty one years later we’re losing those religious
liberties day by day. The Pew Research Center in two
thousand and nine said that there is a almost an epidemic
a rising tide they called it of restrictions on religion and
that is spreading across the U.S. and around the world that that was two
thousand and nine two thousand and ten it’s much more so today and
you all are reading about them every day if a government can control
the religious convictions and the beliefs of its people they can
control everything else it’s a search for power that’s what is going on
there is within government and within schools and within state
governments and the effort to to. Take these liberties away and
redefine them away we have known it as freedom of religion
they’re now starting to call it freedom you got it freedom of what
worship that’s what they’re calling now freedom of worship just
with the nuance of language they change it from the freedom
to be influential in the in the society at large and
to speak in the public square and to use your vote in the way
you want it’s now being called freedom of worship which means you
can come into this church and you can. Worship how you want that’s
the limit that they put on it but it’s a whole lot more than
that it is freedom of religion the things that you believe in the way
you use your influence in the culture. Who would have thought that
the United States would unilaterally impose requirements
that all of us would have to. Pay as part of the privilege of working. A tax if you will at least that’s what
the Supreme Court as they called it. On. On the contraceptives free contraceptives
and even a board of facial and switch kill babies in some instances and
that that would be imposed on us I mean that’s a file ation of
the deeply held conviction for me and most of you or
you wouldn’t be here and yet the government has also decreed and
you didn’t mention is that and through our insurance we have
to help pay for abortions. I cannot abide that and I wrote in a recent letter
to my constituency. The Creator will not hold
us if we turn a deaf ear to the cries of innocent babies so come and get me if you must I will not
back to your regulations and. This man is my attorney and
it’s his problem to figure out how void. Dr Dobson if I may I’d like to actually
ask Mr Nussbaum to expound just a little bit more for
everyone here the actual legal cases that are going on the legal principles involved
in the that H.H.S. mandate because I I think probably most of us had maybe
heard of this but possibly not enough of us know the details about about what
exactly all that litigation is about so if you would pick that up and
send us money thank you so the H.H.S. mandated that every employer in the United
States including religious employers like Colorado Christian University and
Catholic Charities of color Springs and others must provide
preventive care services for their employees preventive so-called
preventive services include as bishop and Dr Dobson have pointed out
contraceptives the word the language is even being redefined pregnancy has been
redefined so the word contraceptive includes abortifacients when the bishops
and some other Protestant leaders notably Dr Dobson Richard Land from the Southern
Baptists commission Ethics Commission and others said this is not right you
can’t do this He then issued his accommodation which was a religious
exemption Now what this exemption do. Good it’s a religious exemption is it
was the teeny tiny asst exemption in the history of federal religious
exemptions from religious exemptions from federal law it was so tiny that Jesus and
his twelve or Mother Theresa and her sisters of her religious order would
not qualify for it I mean it’s that tiny It might qualify a church who all the
employees were members of the church and the only people the Church served were
members of the church would qualify for the exemption but if it’s a Christian
church you’re called to reach out and serve people who aren’t members right so
almost no one qualifies for this and clearly was intending to
exclude Catholic hospitals Catholic colleges Catholic Charities
those type of organizations were clearly intended to be treated as goats under
this exemption and as a result of this there have been fifty different religious
institutions file approximately twenty five lawsuits more being filed every
day and they include the first one one of the first ones filed was right here
in Colorado not by the Catholic Church but by President Bill Armstrong former senator
Bill Armstrong but he’s now the president Colorado Christian university filed
a lawsuit why did he file a lawsuit even Jellicoe Protestants by and large
are not opposed to contraceptives but they are opposed to the administration
order to them to give contraceptives to their to their college students who aren’t
married it was infringement upon his religious liberty interest and there been
lawsuits filed by huge Catholic hospitals by Wheaton University which is
the Harvard of the evangelical university system by
the University of Notre Dame by Steubenville how often to
the University of Notre Dame and and Franciscan University in Steubenville
stand shoulder to shoulder in opposition to these type of thing so
this is precedent. Right. It’s unprecedented in American history
to have this many lawsuits filed one of the status of these lawsuits
in the the lawsuits the first one. It was decided was decided
involving a Catholic own business it right here in Colorado called Hercules
industries they said we’re operating our business according to our Catholic
values and we’re not going to provide these benefits to our employees they
get all sorts of other benefits and that lawsuit has gone to hearing
on a preliminary injunction and Judge Cain a Democrat appointee found for
Hercules industries in the in the first decision most of
the lawsuits Yes isn’t that great. Most of the lawsuits involve religious
institutions this by the way is a huge principle because there’s no
difference in mandating that you pay for your employees abortifacient drugs
as mandating that you pay for their surgical abortions or their post
term terminations of human life and partial birth abortions there’s no
difference legally in that mandate and it’s also a huge issue because the fines
are ruinous I believe there are one hundred dollars per day per employee
No business can survive that type of fines that it will be crushing
when those fines start coming in place. A rather chilling discussion on this
family talk broadcast as we examine some of the threats against our religious
liberty we hope you’re paying attention as we’re just a week away from Election Day
Now we’ve heard a lot about they Health and Human Services regulations and
how they’ll affect the church but let’s listen in together now as Martin
Nussbaum describes some other recent cases where liberties have been attacked here
he is now on this family talk broadcast in Colorado a month senior Buellton
was asked to start a new parish in Fox the town of Fox Field and
that town early on declared war on that church in part
because he bought a bunch of pro-life crosses up on his property on
the anniversary of Roe v Wade in the. Passed what was a parking ordinance
that would prohibit them from having their early meetings in the rectory
before they had a church building built if two neighbors would
complain about them and I’m happy to report to you that
my colleague Gary call and my colleague Chuck Goldberg filed
resisted that and eventually the town of Fox Field paid our legal fees first
stablish in their right to go forward. The. But it was simply an attack because
they thought the traffic impediments and maybe they thought also thought but didn’t say the cultural impediments
of having a Catholic church in their community would disrupt the culture that
they had there in the town of Boulder. There was a very successful
even jello coal. Cademy there called the Rocky Mountain
Christian Church is the church and a school and they were doing very well and
they wanted to expand well to expand you’ve got to go before the local
planning board and really and get your plans approved and the City of
Boulder fought them at every front one of their administrators says Don’t you think
you’d do better over in Bloomfield they suggested they leave the town they
eventually there was a lawsuit filed just because they wanted to grow which is
what I think Jesus called them to do or something about the great commission in
the scriptures that school spent two and a half million dollars in legal fees
regrettably with another law firm and and but we were able to help in a number
of ways they eventually collected their legal fees from the city of
Boulder simply so they could expand but they had to go through two and a half
million dollars of just legal **** to do them let me go beyond Colorado
nationally one of the primary techniques that are being used now is the licensing
because there’s a lot of things we can’t do in society unless we have
a permission from the governor. To do it I can’t practice law how many
people in the room tonight have to be licensed to do your work by
the government in some way or another Ok I’ll give you a couple of
examples Julie award African-American twenty two year old student at
Eastern Michigan University was studying to get a master’s in counseling because
she wanted to counsel in high school and she had to get a license she had
traditional beliefs regarding marriage she was subject to the professional
ethical code of the counseling profession the school made her subject to that but
even before she was licensed and she saw on her the list of people she was
to see in her clinical rotation a young man complaining of depression secondary to
the breakup a bit samey sex union what to do her ethical code says she can’t take
her religious values into question and counseling him she goes to her supervisor
and said What do I do she says just switch your three o’clock with Tom Tom didn’t
have the religious scruples that you do and he can counsel the person find she
went forward you see she’s working in two systems the rules of modern society and
her religious rules they switched the university learned about and hearings
eventually to make a long story short she was expelled from the university
deemed unfit by the university to be licensed as a professional eventually
that case went to court and was reversed other examples
of licensing though in Boston in San Francisco in the Washington D.C.
and in the entire state of Illinois
they have passed laws at Van saying prohibiting discrimination against
homosexuality and they have decided that those organizations are unfit to place
children in families because they insist that they be placed in families with
a mama and papa in the household and they’re no longer licensed as
child placement agencies and these were organizations that went out and
made claims upon people of faith. Just like frankly we see here in
our community Pastor Brady Boyd at New Life Church is leading a movement
to get children adopted from foster homes in this state by making religious claims
upon the faithful to adopt them so that’s licensing another example
of licensing is the Boy Scouts the Boy Scouts want permits
to go to the park and certain cities they’re being deemed unfit
to use parks or to rent public buildings because of their particular beliefs
regarding not having active homosexual scout leaders who are out and
promoting that they’re deemed unfit. And that wraps up our special emphasis on
religious liberty here on this family talk broadcast as we have just one week to
go before the presidential election next week it is breathtaking to hear
some of the threats that have been made against religious liberty in our country
ten or twenty years ago I don’t think we would be discussing some of these items
and maybe we should have it’s amazing how quickly it all seems to happen
precious our freedoms are and how easily we can lose them but
I think I speak for a lot of our listeners when I say Not on Our Watch I can’t wait
to head to the polls on Election Day and we would encourage all of you to
get informed on the issues and bring your values with you into the voting
booth even share a link to this broadcast on your own Facebook page as a way of
urging your friends and family members to make their voices heard you can find
that link on line at Dr James Dobson. Time for another edition of Dr James Dobson.
Teaching Biblical Values to a New Generation
Hi I’m make maker and I’m going to be talking with you
this hour about parenting and I’m a pediatrician I love encouraging
parents many years ago I was working with an older gentleman pediatrician and
he said you know Meg if you do one thing well for kids if you really want
to encourage kids get to their parents and I learned that to quickly be true that
if I could encourage parents and I could help tweak their behavior get them on the
right track that I really didn’t have to worry much about the kids so I’m really
excited to talk about parents because I sort of feel that I’m a professional
listener of parents I’ve listened to so many of them over the years I have
seen over the past twenty years a real shift in not just
the parenting paradigm but our approach to parenting
our thanks about parenting. To the point where I almost
feel a bit sorry for young people who are parenting their
kids now because there’s so much more that they have to contend with not just
electronics but decisions and there’s so much information out there on what they
should do and what they shouldn’t do and so much of that information is fear based
that I really like to come along and say well just let’s just calm down a
little bit because I believe that parents really are wired to do a great
job with their kids and that of course all comes from God but
I’d like to talk today about parenting in general and
where I see one of the first mistakes that parents make comes from and it begins
really at the beginning of parenting. If I would talk to. And. Talk to them about what they’ve been
reading a lot of parents would say well I read a book on how to discipline my
child and I read a book on how to. You know teach my kids virtues or
do something with my kid and that’s all well and good but I think
that we need to start help parents start with the right perspective
because their perspective their view of parenting is going to
make an enormous impact on how they raise their children and
where they take their kids and the problem with most parents
is that they start off parenting with the wrong perspective they start
off at the wrong place I think parents get worried about doing a lot for their
kids rather than who they need to be for their kids and I think that this
is really a Biblical issue. What does the Bible say about where we
should start our parenting Proverbs nine verse ten says fear of the Lord is
the beginning of wisdom and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding the fear
of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. And knowledge of the Holy One brings understanding Now think about that for
a minute God says that if we want wisdom in our parenting knowledge
in our parenting understanding in our parenting whether it’s understanding
how we parent or understanding our kids that none of that comes in to Will
we have a healthy fear of the Lord. And that means that our fear of God. Must trump everything that we do as
parents fear of God must be first and foremost in our minds it’s
the starting place for parenting and it should trump our desire to
do things for our kids and I believe that one of the huge shifts
that’s come in the past twenty or twenty five years even amongst
Christian parents is this that we have moved from one
place where we fear God. To where we fear our children now in
many homes we could even say that our worship of God has become
our worship of our children and we have made small idols of our children
and this is a very very dangerous place to be now maybe some parents haven’t
gotten that far where they’re completely excluding God and they’re really doing
their children as little idols but certainly it’s where popular
child the behavioral and popular parenting has has brought
a lot of parents to this place where we are about serving our children and fearing our children in a very
loose sense if you will and when we do that and we give up our fear of
the Lord and we put it on the back burner parenting can’t go well so no matter
what else you will say to parents or what else you will do as a parent or
how else you will counsel your. Parents if fundamentally parents
don’t start off at that place. Anything else that you try to bring
to them or encourage them and or teach them is going to be very difficult because they’re going to come out it
from a very different perspective. Fearing our children more than we
fear God Is that an exaggeration it sounds like an exaggeration but
I really don’t think it is if you ask any garden variety wonderful
parent out there what they perceive their job is with their kids and say
What are your priorities as a parent for you with their kids they will very quickly
rattle off a list my job as a parent is to make sure that my child is successful
when he grows up my job as a good parent is to provide ample opportunities for
my child to discover their gifts and to use those gifts and
then to go serve God with those gifts. My other job as a parent is to
build up my child’s self-esteem and I like this one because parents sort
of approach this one from a very much more of a pragmatic than an emotional
way and they’ll say well in order to build up my child’s self-esteem what I need to
do is figure out what they’re good at and then pay for them to get better at it so
I got to find a coach or I’ve got to find the right school or get
them on the right team then they’ll get better at that and their self-esteem
will go up well maybe maybe not. Because word is a child’s self-esteem
really come from anyway well a child’s self-esteem comes from their beliefs
about what their parents believe about them it’s not necessarily
in being more and doing more and performing better their self-esteem
really comes from what their mom and dad think about them and how valued and
love they feel by God and other peace. Well there very close to them but it’s
interesting parents don’t always say that so they’ll say My job is to build my
child’s self-esteem provide opportunities make sure they’re successful when
they get older and finally and this is really true for mothers and that is my job as a good
mom is to make sure that my kids are happy all the time now this
one really intrigues me because I don’t remember my mother when she was raising
me in the sixty’s in the seventy’s ever. Feeling like her job was to make me happy
I mean she wasn’t running a circus and yet many modern mothers feel that they need to
make their kids happy happy all the time and they do so in order to do that they
avoid conflict with their kids they have difficulty saying no to their kids don’t
do boundaries very well with their kids and they just want to make their
kids feel pleasure a lot and then they feel as long as they do that and
their kids stay happy then they’re being a good mother well I understand
this because I’m a mom and I would never say I like my kids being unhappy or
my job is to make my kids unhappy. But I don’t believe that our
job biblically is to be making sure that our kids are happy we want to
raise good kids we want to raise kids with strong character we want to raise
kids who have a lot of integrity and often those those things come outside of
happiness so it’s interesting where we came up with those at least those are the
four things that I find are most prevalent that parents tell me when they consider
what it takes to be a successful parent is to make sure that all these
things are done with their kids tremendous amount responsibility on a parent
shoulders from this belief system. Fathers in particular
have a real difficulty. Because a lot has changed
in the marital dynamics and fathering role in the role of
a father the role of a mother. And it’s been very very confusing for
a lot of men and in particular I find what happens with
men is because historically they’ve seen the primary care of the children as
the mother’s role and now some fathers are the primary caregivers in their homes
that by and large a lot of the dads that I talk with feel very insecure about their
jobs and will often say I’m just not doing a very good job when they’re in fact
doing a very good job but I think that there’s a sense where a lot of dads feel
that they’re not enough for their kids. That the person who they are and
bringing that to their kids is is not enough a lot of dads feel that
they’re not needed in their home and a lot of wives Christian
wives will subconsciously communicate that to the husbands
you know I don’t need you here to tell the kids what they’re supposed to
eat what they’re supposed to wear where or when to do their homework we women do this
often by interrupting our husbands when they’re trying to talk to the kids or
telling our kids telling our husbands that they need to discipline the kids
differently now it’s OK to have disagreements we all do as parents but
I think that when you have a situation where dad feels that he’s not exactly sure
what he’s supposed to do as a parent and he’s not a nuff as a parent and
then you you layer on top of that a sense that he
doesn’t know where he fits in the family. And and that he’s not needed in
the family that’s a real recipe for trouble not just for him but
for the kids as well and. In addition to that there’s a lot
of pressure on dads to not. Point they’re children dad want to make
that’s want to make sure their kids are able to go to the right school they
want to make sure that their kids have enough of the right stuff so
they fit in with the right crowd and they get on the right soccer team or
that they have ballet lessons so tremendous amount of pressure that dads
feel to not let their kids down and you can see if you start from the perspective
that everything is about the child. And you’re afraid to let that
child down because first and foremost at the beginning of the day your
days and about fearing God first and then parenting it’s about making sure
you don’t let your kids down and then attending to God later
things get very tangled and you’ve got a recipe for a dad to feel
very anxious very inadequate and fear begins to compound on itself and
it’s very very tough for dads and it’s tough for mothers as
well because mothers do that too once upon a time ten fifteen years
ago we used to sort of laugh about the super women woman syndrome you know
women who can go to work and then they can also manage their home beautifully and
they can be very close to their kids and they can bake or can it food and
life at home is very wonderful and that’s what super women can do well
the reality is women can’t do that but it our competitive culture what has
happened is women have upped the ante and we have come to expect more and more and more from ourselves as women and
wives and moms and everything and so we are very anxious as well and so
you’ve got an anxious dad an anxious mom and it’s no wonder that things
often don’t go very well at home. Fundamentally the problem is as I
said at the beginning all of this is compounded because the child is
at the center of the family and if you look at the the diagram
that I have for you you will. Notice that in the center of
the circle is the child and on right outside the circle of the child
is the mom and her influence and the dad and his influence outside
the circle of the mom and dad sphere is God Now if mom and dad are feeding into the child
in other words every day every day every day I need to meet this kids
need I need to serve my child in need to make sure my child’s happy I need to make
sure my child has enough opportunities it doesn’t lend itself well for
the child then looking back at Mom or looking back at God and loving them back
because all of the focus is on the child now not only is this not Biblical and
as you can see in this paradigm God is in the periphery and
God does not like to be in the periphery. It’s very upsetting to God
to be in the periphery and that’s never the way he intended for
us to live but beyond the faith aspect of it in
the spiritual aspect of it it’s very destabilizing for any child to be
the center of their parents’ world because when a three year old or a ten
year old or even an eighteen year old. Sees their mom and dad do a dance around
them because they’re at the center of the world that child feels they
have a lot of power this is particularly true when you’re have
a divorce situation where mom is vying for the attention of the child Dad is vying
for the affection of the child or vice versa and
when the child comes into the mom’s world she dances around him then he
goes into the dads world and he dances around him so that the child
sort of gets double whammy if you will of being at the center of an adult’s world
and this is really very frightening and destabilizing and emotionally it throws
kids off balance I’ve never yet met a kid who can deal with this why because
the kid wants to look at his parent. Having more knowledge more skill
more wisdom and more aptitude in a lot of things but if a kid feels that
mom and dad are constantly looking at him. Then he feels that he has this power
that mom and dad have given to him and he’s very uncomfortable with it and
doesn’t like it he disrespects as parents and he doesn’t like having
the ability to see Mom and Dad jump at him change
their family reorganize their family outings or their family
dinner or family events of any kind disrupt all of that so that the whole
family will pile in the car and go to just to watch him do one thing to
see how much pressure that is on a kid and kids don’t like that and they don’t
want that but primarily that comes from this whole dynamic where
the child is at the center mom and dad at the outside and
got outside after that. Mothers mothers are so who live with this who live
with this paradigm are so stressed out I say and
I’ll talk about this at a later date but I talk about the fact that mothers
are living on the crazy train and it’s very funny because when I even
mentioned that to a lot of mothers doesn’t matter how many kids she has
whether she works outside the home or is a full time stay at home mom it doesn’t matter when I say Do you
realize you’re living on the crazy train. Of the head begin to not intuitively
they know they’re out of control their lives are out of control but
many many mothers live with a list in their minds like something
like this that the moment their child is born actually it even starts
while the mom is pregnant. That the child becomes the center of
the world but let’s just take it from the. I’m a child is born the mom knows that
she must breast feed the child and if she doesn’t breastfeed the child
she might as well smoke cigarettes because she is going to be ostracized by
everybody she sees it’s almost as though choosing to not rest feed your child is a
sin and if you don’t breastfeed your child you are less than a bad mom you’re
the dregs of the earth because breast milk we know is liquid gold that’s
just right after the baby is born and to tell you the truth this is a real
struggle for a lot of mothers but not only is she to breast feed the baby
think about this if she’s to breast feed the baby that means that she alone can
beat the baby’s needs well where’s dad and all that well she’s going to give the baby
a bottle so dad can’t even rock the baby and it feeds into the sense that
go way Dad go away I meant for the child and the child is it for
me I even know some pediatricians who will recommend to their moms and
dads new moms and dads that mom and the child stay in one room for
the first year of the baby’s life and dad’s at another room because this is
the time when Mom must bond with this child and I’ll tell you I’ve really
believe that’s toxic thinking and that’s an outgrowth of this whole idea
that a child is the center of the home so she breastfeed your baby and there’s
the baby gets older she has to figure out what his allergic to because if she
can’t find with allergic to and label what he’s allergic to he
may die at school she needs to read about every immunization
that her child is supposed to get before she gives it to her child in
case the doctor makes a mistake and she’s not quite sure she trusts her doctor
she needs to make sure that her child when he starts first and
second grade is in the fast reading group not the slow reading group
she should big from scratch by. I only organic food if your child falls
behind in school she needs to find a good tutor and of course if the child
has any potential for being Olympic champion it is mom’s job to figure out
what his talent is and to make sure she throws enough money at him to get the
Olympics because most certainly God could never get to the child to the Olympics
if that’s where he’s supposed to go. Without mom’s help that’s what I mean just
a little taste of what it feels like for moms who are living on the crazy train and
the reason they’re there is because they have forgotten to fear their Lord first. Fear of the Lord is
the beginning of wisdom that’s not a wise mom living like that. We cannot raise godly kids if we fail to fear the Lord first and
if we put children the center of our homes now I
want to be very careful because I’m certainly not saying that we shouldn’t
be paying attention to our children and we shouldn’t be meeting their
needs of course we should but I believe that when we put
God first that unleashes God’s power to bless our children more and
to bless us more and. And if if we look at the second
a diagram that I have you will notice a second paradigm up there and now what
you see is a situation where God is at the center of the family unit right
outside of that you have mom and dad and the arrows are pointing towards God this
time not towards the kid as the mom and dad express their love to God then God
expresses his love back to mom and dad and then you’ll see an arrow going from God
outward to the child and then the the. Child is able to love mom and
dad better and to love God better and you can see
that now you have a closed loop system if you will because you’ve got
all of these blessings going on because God is in his right place God
is at the center and mom and dad every morning are about praising and
worshipping and fearing and loving their Lord and
then everything flows out of that. And in an incredibly
mysterious way God then showers his blessings on us and
His blessings our children so that’s the perspective that every
Christian parent whether divorced or married needs to start parenting from
right there with God in the center. It’s also important because as we
begin to raise our children and our children start to watch
us they quickly pick up on. What we do and they watch us very
very carefully now I’ve talked about identity formation in
kids because they need to find out from their parents a lot of what
their parents are thinking about them and it doesn’t matter if kids are eighteen or
fifteen kids scour their parents to think what do you think about me dad am I
worth loving Do You Believe In Me Do you like what you see and then the child
as he reads mom and dad’s face. Come up with answers now if you have
a child that is at the center of the home you have a child who’s
being co worst prodded encouraged however you want to say it to
perform better because a parent believes the way to get their child successful
is to help the child perform more. Basically create a wonderful portfolio
before they go off to college because doing a lot of great things and having a
lot of great experiences they believe will develop self-esteem and character and then
they’ll go on to the right college and be successful and in many parents eyes
that means they’re going to make a lot of money but you can understand a child
who is in that situation if mom and dad are constantly clapping for
him and encouraging him the child is in a situation where he feels he needs to
jump through a lot of hoops perform for mom and dad now when he’s doing that and I know this because kids tell me this and
I and I hear this a lot of times. As they do that they read
their parents’ faces for questions like What do you
think about me mom and dad and if they look to the sidelines of
the hockey rink or the ballet recital or whatever and they see mom and
dad out there so excited they believe that they need to keep doing this in
order to keep in favor with mom and dad and that is very very hard for
kids many kids honestly believe that the only way they’re
going to keep their parents attention. Is by keeping the performance
up they need to keep doing and showing and doing and
excelling in order to get mom and dad’s attention and that’s what happens
when kids are at the center of the home. This is very very destructive for
the character development of the child or the older child because as I said
kids are about reading parents kids are about imitating parents and
if kids see that their father who is their authority is
is going around and living as though that child is more his needs
are more important in the dad’s needs then the child really never understands what
it’s like to live as a grown up man. And this can be very very hard for kids. If a child develops their identity through reading your cues about how you feel
about them internalizing those cues and then becoming those cues and your child also develops their character
by watching you behave as an adult not as just a hand maiden of his or
a servant of his and I honestly and truly that a lot of times
parents feel like if your son or your daughter is to develop strong
character and you know that comes through imitating people they love and
revere the most which is you mom or dad. Then that begs the question
what are you doing in your home that you want your child to imitate
you see this is particularly true for boys boys are very visual people and as a boy hits his teen years and
we moms have felt this and know this that as a boy his teen
years right before adolescence he he he goes through a period
where he separates from his mom and he does what Bruno Bettelheim used
to say he kills off his mother and what he does is he suddenly feels you
know what you’re the one I’m closest to we’ve had this great relationship but
now I’m growing into be a man and you’re a woman and this is kind of
creepy and I don’t want to need you but I do need you and I don’t know what to do
with those feelings from a cut you off and now I need to figure out how to be a man
so how is he going to do that being a visual person he needs to see
a good man to become a good man. So think about the boys out there
who have no good man to imitate it’s devastating to the character development
identity development of a teenager. Boy. That means if you’re a Christian dad
in a home and you want your son or daughter to behave like Christ
to grow up to be a godly man. That you need to be about the business
of behaving like a godly man because kids absorb everything you do the good the bad the holy
the sin you name it they will wear it some kids more so
than others and I’ll tell you I have lived this and
I’ve watched this in our own home. My. Husband whenever the kids when the kids
were growing up every year he took one or two of them on a medical mission
trip to South America and they loved it they absolutely loved it
they looked forward to it every year and these were really pretty hard trips and. My husband just loved to
serve served with M.M. I and he did it I think because he wanted
to teach the kids how to serve but I think he also did it because he just
really wanted to be with our kids and he wanted to show the kids
how to love Jesus and how to be Jesus to other people and he found that that was a little
bit easier in South America or in a poor country than it is in a day to
day life in America because we have so much stuff here and we’re so well fed and
everything well one of our daughters became an adult and went on to graduate
school and decided that it was time for her to go off on her own and do some
mission work and she called my husband I up one day and said you know mom and
dad I believe that God is calling me to do some mission work and I want to go
teach in another country and I think. I want to go back to South America and
teach spoke a little bit of Spanish for my mission trips and thought this
is going I would pay I can I can I can handle you going
to South America and. Things went by and things and time went
by and she sent an applications and doors closed in in South America. And then one day we got the phone
call that God had opened a door for her in solo Indonesia and I had never been to Indonesia but
she felt that God was calling her to teach in
a Muslim school as a Christian girl who was about a foot taller than everybody
in the country and long blond hair down here that God was calling her to go teach
in a Muslim school in Indonesia and when she first called me up and
my husband’s on one end of the phone and he was saying OK OK Well have you prayed
a lot about this yeah I pray a lot about Dad Well the sort of
lioness inside of me said Well you know what honey we’re I’m not so sure
about Indonesia because God has not talked to the mom much about Indonesia so he and
I have to have a very frank talk and I will get back to you well my husband
kind of scolded me for that one. Because it really wasn’t fair and
I was allowing my fear to take over there. Long story short our daughter did go off
to Indonesia and she lived there for a year and a half. And she was safe she was OK I learned after she came home two miles from
the school she was teaching in they had a training camp for Muslim boys on how to fight wars and
that was only two miles away from her and I’m very very grateful that I didn’t
know that while she was over there. But she lived in very very primitive
setting and she loved her time there she was home for a couple of days and
I walked into the kitchen one morning and we were sitting there eating
breakfast I said honey. If you could summarize one thing
the most important thing that you learned about living. Halfway across the world all by yourself
and teaching in a school where they didn’t have your face your same
face what would that be. And she said mom that’s
easy I learned living there when I was so lonely and
sometimes scared and sometimes worried that I was going to
be able to pick up the language or do well by the kids I learned
there that no matter what God is enough I learned that. Is the nuff. Now why did she end up learning
that let’s retrace that because she went off to
serve admissions because she had been trained to serve in
missions by a dad who love the Lord. And talked about Jesus but when he
went out to serve Jesus said Come on. Just come with me just take a look this
will be a lot of fun it will be really good for you and I and you may learn
some other things along the way the way you teach your children is by
the way you build character in them is by giving them opportunity. To imitate your wonderful
behavior now I know that feels like a tall order and I know that’s very
frightening for some for some parents but don’t let it be frightening it’s it’s a
wonderful blessing that God has given you. Work like that and
lessons like that come to children when first parents understand that
where they start parenting their kids is through fearing the Lord
first now this isn’t all about just sort of boasting about my
husband talking about my husband but I do think it’s important because I do
see this a lot I see in good men and I see in good women that their children
are following around and watching them and imitating their behavior and I see that
parents will take them to Bible study or drop them off at church or
make sure they go to a youth group or you know make sure they go to a Christian
school but when it comes right down to it. We lean sometimes on too many other
Christians to teach our kids about Christ. To sort of absorb knowledge
about Christ from our friends or teachers or anybody else in the community. But by far and away the most important
way we can teach our kids about Christ is to be Christ and
give them time to imitate Christ. And one of the greatest lessons
that we can teach our kids and we can pass on is if
we fear the Lord first we will then teach our
kids to fear the Lord and they will pass that on to their family and
to their family and ladies and gentlemen our country is losing this we’re
not only losing our fear of the Lord we’re losing confidence to even say the
name Jesus out loud in the grocery store we will talk about God but
we don’t want to talk about our faith we don’t want to talk about our Christianity
not only do we need to show it but we need to fear the Lord enough to be
bold in our faith to talk about Jesus where we are when he asks us
to talk about him that’s. Our kids become strong
incredible Christians this is a lesson that Abraham knew and Abraham in that horribly gruesome story
which as a mom is very very hard for me to swallow and I’m very grateful that I
live in the twenty first century and I’m raising kids and my kids are raised but I
did it when I did it and I didn’t have to. Live with a guy like Abraham at a time
like that because the story of Abraham. And teaching us as adults to
attend to God’s commands. Before we attend to the needs
of our children was profound when he took Isaac up Mt Mariah
when we just look at that story we see a man who so
loved God that when God said the word his bags were packed we don’t hear
we don’t read in Scripture that Abraham thought about it and Abraham
prayed a little bit longer about it and every ham wasn’t sure so he went to talk
to Sarah about it we see that God said. And Abraham went. And when Abraham went he went to his son. Who said OK two and we we don’t know what the dialogue was like between Abraham and
Isaac when they when they march those three days up Mount Mariah but
I’d love to know what they talked about I would love to know if I was it because
I think Isaac knew what was going on but if I said dad you know how much longer
do we have to go Dad what are we to do we get up there don’t worry about
it son I’ll take care of everything and we see a man who knew what he was going to
have to do with Isaac when he got there so for some three days God let Abraham’s do with his nks about having
to sacrifice his son and when they got to the top of course
we know that I sick lay down and some scholars believe that Isaac was
big enough that he could have fought Abraham off and said I’m out here Dad
you can find another sacrifice this is not my ideal I don’t I don’t
want to do this but he didn’t. I think because Isaac had learned to
fear the Lord and God in His mercy as he watched this great man fear
him first attend to his son second. God poured his blessing on him
because we know what happened when Abraham put Isaac on the altar and
he got ready to strike that match and light his son on fire an angel
appeared from the sky able. Ham stop stop stop you
don’t need to do that and then of course the sheep
came out of the SIC it. God poured his blessings
on the man a face. Because first he feared
the Lord how many Christians in America today would come close to packing their son up and
taking him to the altar of the Lord. Now many I don’t know of any
that’s how far away we’ve gotten from fearing the Lord first did
God want to kill Isaac No we know that because we know ultimately that
the story wasn’t about Abraham and Isaac. The story was about God Himself. That many many years later God Himself was
going to offer his son up for sacrifice. And when Jesus was on the cross. And he was ready to put the proverbial
match to the bottom of the cross and light it on fire the earth shook and the
sky was silent and nobody bailed God out. He let it go through. Because of his love for us. And that is a love that is so profound. That if we don’t teach that to our kids
and we don’t teach them to be in all of that love to respect that love
to fear that God wote to us. As parents if we don’t do that. You want to talk about great
character development in your child. God must be the center then mom and
dad as they worship and fear and
love God all the arrows come out and God loves mom and dad and
he loves the child and as we’re about the business of doing that
then we turn to the child and we say. As parents now I’m in a position
where I can parent you well let’s see should you play
soccer five times a week and hockey and not be with the family
what God like that or would God night like not like that I don’t think God would
like that so I’m not going to do that. You see when you really order your
parenting right at the beginning and you walk into your parenting from
a very different perspective a lot of questions are answered for you it’s really
very easy of course it’s not black and white or cut and dry but it’s so much
easier because your priorities are made you know that God wants you to have a nuff
time with that child to impart your wisdom your character your love
your fear of him and to teach him about the love of God
in Christ through him onto them that if they you don’t have time to do that and
all of your time is spent running around. Getting tutored going to
ice skating lessons and you’re doing that as a parent you
know working long hours and Mom’s out working a second job so that you can
have the third car or the second home or the second car whatever it is we all
have our list whoa to us who do that and we cannot complain when we raise
children who turn eighteen and they have no they they want nothing to do
with God If we have not shown them God we cannot be upset when God isn’t
present and isn’t seen in their lives. Our current NG parenting paradigm has
gotten a lot of momentum to it and there’s one reason or
it has a lot of momentum it’s easier and it feels good because if we can
keep kids at the center of our homes and we can worry just about
keeping our kids happy all the time. Then life is kind of easy because we’re
not going to say no we’re not going to get in our kids’ faces we’re not going to
stand up and say sorry you can’t do that and listen to their temper tantrums when
they’re eighteen years old and by the way of course kids have temper tantrums when
they’re sixteen and eighteen years of age. One of the greatest things that
a parent a father I believe. Or a mother can pass on to their
children is humility now humility can only be born out of a proper
understanding of who God is but humility is so important for
kids and for adults to have because when we understand godly
humility we understand that we are on a level playing field with everybody
else no one is more important no one is less important even from a
secular standpoint if you took out of it. If we are really filled with humility
we understand that what we can do is not that much better than
what anybody else can do and what other people do is not that
much worse than we can do we’re all. Unlevel playing field and when you
approach relationships that way kids are freed up tend to have much healthier
relationships with their siblings and other kids because they don’t have to
compete they don’t have to one up them they don’t have to snub them they don’t
feel insecure because they understand that other kids have equal value
humility is extremely important for parents to teach to children. Godly humility and
understanding who God is. What he did for us through Christ and
how he bought us. What that means for us not just
in our relationship with him but in our relationship with other men and
women. Is enormous and it must go
through every aspect of our life teaching humility is hard
because learning humility is very hard and again for
a parent the only way to get to a place of true humility is
through your relationship with Christ. Because Christ will humble anybody and
because he loves us enough to humble that but once a parent understands humility and
aspires to live a humble life. Then you live that life out
in front of your children and that’s how you make humble children. Parents ask me pretty much
around Christmas time a lot I want to teach my kids how to serve and
I want to teach my kids that there are others out there with needs and
so I would like to do something for him what should I do and very often
they’ll go through their closet in the. Never find some of their own clothes and then they will put their whole clothes
in a bag and they’ll take them over to somebody’s house in the wrap
them up in the given to people and they’ll feel very good about themselves
and I say why do you feel good about. Yourself you just gave
that family your trash. Those are clothes you don’t care about
if you want to teach your kids how to really be humble. Take their newest sweater their
nicest dress their nice a shoes and ask them to wrap those up and
give them to another child. My husband. Is a pretty humble person and I’ll never forget one day the same
daughter who went to Indonesia when she was a very young one when she was
an adult when she was a very young child. She was probably six years old and
I was cooking dinner in the kit and I wasn’t cooking dinner was dinner
time and I just been at work and my husband was home and I was kind of
chaos in the house and all these little hungry kids running around screaming and
I was getting a headache and I said to my husband let’s go get
some Chinese food please because I’m too tired to cook OK and I gave him a list
of things and before he went out the door I said Now listen the only thing I really
like on the menu is the egg roll so please don’t forget the egg rolls
OK OK OK won’t forget the egg rolls I was adamant about my egg rolls and
I was really grouchy because I was hungry my husband was going out the door my
little daughter said Dad can I come and he said sure come along she jumped up
in his truck they went off they got they got the Chinese food and
brought it home and as I was in the kitchen I laid out
all the little white buckets and I took all the food out and
I was reheating it and I got to the last bucket and
I didn’t find my egg rolls and I was very and a little I was annoyed and I was hungry and I had a headache and
I got a little outspoken and I said to my husband where
are my egg rolls you know what this whole I want it it’s a simple
task why can’t you do just do this one thing I mean all I did was send you store
to get one thing for me and you didn’t do it you feel yada yada yada and my husband didn’t say
anything he just kind of. He’s very gracious and
he just kind of walked out of the room. And shortly after that my little
daughter came over to me and she kind of grabbed my my shirt and
she started talking to my. Mom. This is what happened when we were
driving home from the Chinese restaurant dad passed by Bryant Park and when he saw a man there a man at Bryant
Park he saw a guy who didn’t look so good and he was rummaging through a
garbage can so Dad pulled off the road and he went into the park and he jumped
out of the Carney took all the bags of Chinese food and he went over to the man
and said sir what would you like. Well you know what the man
picked to pick my egg rolls and didn’t want any of the rest of the food so I after I heard what my
husband had done I felt about that high humility. Is something that can only be
taught to kids not by talk but by actions humility is one of
the deepest parts of one’s character. Parents believe today that they need to. Be High producers function at
a high level work fairy car hard to get their kids to do very well to
produce a whole lot of good stuff to have a great resume to go off
to school to be very successful where does God fit into all of that
he can’t if we do just one thing for every parent that we meet let’s
make it this to teach them. Of the incredible love of God
to teach them about the love and the respect and
the sear that Abraham had for God and
to teach them if they keep that first. And they keep attending to God’s needs and
desires. First and our kids’ needs and
desires second we can’t go too far wrong. But if we don’t start there and we allow
those kids to be the center of our homes. God help us. Thank you and God bless you.
How Dads Shape Kids
Dr. James Dobson, per family talk, someone said, if you connect a boy
to the right man, he seldom goes wrong. And I believe
that to be true. If a dad and the
son or daughter can develop some common
interests together, the rebellious
years really shouldn’t be all
that trouble. I had that kind
of relationship with my own father. And the full force of
his contribution hit me a few years ago
when suddenly he laid dying of a
major heart attack. As I stood by his bedside, I thought back
to the theory, happiness moments
In my child, how my dad and
I would get up very early on a
wintry morning, had about 20
miles outside of town to our
favorite place. We parked the car, we climb over a
fence and follow a little creek bed back to an area that I
called big goods. He’d get me situated under a fallen tree that made
a little secret room. And then we’d wait for
the sun to come up, listening to the
squirrels and the birds and
the chipmunks. And the entire panorama of nature unfolded before us. Those moments
together with my dad were absolutely
priceless to me. It was a closeness that made me want to
be like you, to choose his
values is my them. His dreams is my dreams. God is my god.
That’s the power. The man said a kid
on the right road. And I can think of no
wiser investment of time and the entire realm of human experience. Dr. James Dobson.
Good Family Man
Remember when pot was something you cooked
in and when bad, really bad, not
good for family. Doc, here’s Dr. chain stops and it’s funny how some words pass in and
out of common usage. I was thinking the
other day, for example, about the phrase
good family man. David blank and horn, the head of an
organization that studies
cultural values, points out that
this complement, good family man was once widely used in
our culture, bestowed is a true
badge of honor. The rough translation
would be, he puts his family first. Look at those three
words that make up the phrase good, referring to widely
accepted moral values, which points to purposes larger than the
self and man, which says there’s a
norm of masculinity. It seems that
contemporary culture no longer celebrates of
widely shared ideal. Such a man who puts
his family first. Where do we see
it on television? Bill Cosby model that
for a few years, but who else has been portrayed in the media as a good family man that
just aren’t many. Nowhere more
likely to hear about superstar
athletes are the ladies man or
the entrepreneur is sacrificed all including his wife
and children, to make your startup
company a success. Fortunately, it’s
not too late to bring this simple
phrase back into vogue. A good family man, it is indeed one of the highest callings to which a man can aspire. Dr. James Dobson
for family talking.
A Nation Founded on God-given Liberty
Welcome to another edition of Dr James
Dobson’s then the time I’m Brian Dobson with our host a best selling author highly
respected psychologist in the end patriot Dr James Dobson. Appreciate that title patriot whether it
fits or not I’ll leave to somebody else to decide but it’s important to me and
I think it should be to every American and the greater part of patriotism
is being willing to stand up and speak up when you see the nation
you love under attack and you see it losing ground morally and
spiritually as we are today so we’re going to focus on that today and
talk about the God given liberties and principles for
which I Merica has stood for centuries Amen and this is something
I’ve seen late on your heart time and time again you have really been called
to be a voice for righteousness and religious freedom in our nation well right
and we’re about to hear another voice for righteousness from a man
that I deeply respect and I wish the whole country knew him and
knew the contribution that he has made to our country its name is
Lieutenant General Jerry boy can he’s been our guest on several
occasions here at family talk and I happen to have been in
a meeting of conservatives just recently several weeks
ago when General Boykin was asked to speak and
what he said was recorded and I really do want our listeners
to tune in to what he has to say because there was a tremendous
response from the audience and got a standing ovation and
I think people will see why very quickly the purpose of the meeting I
was attending was to present. Sent General Boykin with the George
Washington military leadership award and he graciously stood to receive it and then he went on the tell a little
bit about his deep love for America well it was truly stirring and
this is a man who like you has his finger on the pulse of this nation
just by way of introduction Joe Boykin served thirty six years in the Army with
great distinction he’s now retired from the military he was one of the original
members of the U.S. Army’s Delta Force and served four years as the deputy
undersecretary of defense for intelligence he’s also an ordained
minister and is now currently serving as an executive vice president with the
Family Research Council finally in case you don’t already have a copy of General
Boykin’s biography let me recommend it to you it’s called Never Surrender and
I think that title speaks for itself so with that we’ll get right to
the message from General Jerry Boykin on today’s family talk right
before we hear General Boykin never surrender reminds me of West and
Church is here another hero of mine yeah who said never give up
never never never never give up and General Boykin has said the same
thing with his life that’s right you know I know meanness to sound like
Fault sure military but you know I can. And first of all I’m not a hero and
I can and I really mean that I wish I was always
wanted to be you know I grew up some day you know want to
be a real hero and I’m not. But I appreciate everybody saying
that you know and I really do and. I can think of a number of people that are
probably far more deserving of the award than I am particularly coming from this
group and that’s what makes this so special because they’re some of my so
my heroes in here you know Dr Dobson. Listen. As it was a real privilege for
me to be able to spend thirty six and a half years in a United States Army and you know it’s important that we remember
that there is no constitutional right to serve in our military this is
where our argument got off they so on this whole issue of
Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and the repeal of. Of the don’t ask don’t tell there’s no
right there’s no constitutional right to service a privilege and
I was privileged I was blessed to be able to spend that much time in our military
and to be able to serve my country. I am a conservative I am a three legged
conservative I believe in all of it. And I am I’m also
a registered Republican but I’m not sure the even know what that
means anymore to be honest with. You see I’m one who thinks that guys like
Ted Cruz and Mike Lee are real heroes. But. I think when you make a pledge and you
campaign and then you live up to that you do what you said you were going to
do that takes a lot of courage and some of us in this room Collin and
Tony and and and others we were there when they said to the group that was sitting
in my CLI’s office said Hey they’re going to hate us we’re doing this on principle
we’re going to stand on principle. I wish that we had more people that
stood on principle in America today I’m tired of being told as a true
conservative that I need to stop talking about social issues that I need to leave
that behind it’s about getting the party elected No it’s not about getting the
party elected it’s about saving America. You know I. I’ve been a blessed man all
my life not because I grew up with a lot because I didn’t have many of you have heard me talk before
about where I got my values from what. Who my hero is and I’m going to tell you about him
again tonight because it was my dad. Amanda grew up on a tobacco farm in
eastern North Carolina one of ten children his father and mother were
sharecroppers they had nothing never owned a piece of land in our lives and
that seventeen years and one month old. He went to the Navy recruiter and enlisted
in World War two as a Navy radar man. On the sixth of June and
by the way he went in to among other things joined his four brothers that were
already served in the European theater. He dropped out of school in
tenth grade in order to do that never got a high school diploma. Sixth of June one thousand nine hundred
four as he was driving a landing craft ashore at the beaches of
Normandy took a direct hit he’s not sure whether it was a around from a German
gun or whether they actually hit a mine all he knows is that he woke up in
Walter Reed or Bethesda Naval Hospital and he was blind in his left eye but
it didn’t matter he had done his duty. He took a discharge and came back to the
tobacco farmer North Carolina married his sweetheart and began to raise his family
until the Korean War started and then they army said that they would take him even
though it was blind in his left eye and he came back and
to serve through the Korean War and after the war was over he left and
went back to the back of farm and then the United States Marine Corps
offered him an opportunity to come to work as a civil servant he spent
thirty two years as a civil servant. Including a tour in Vietnam. And other parts of the world
with the US Marine Corps for thirty two years see he loved America. He was proud of the fact that he
served America he took an oath to the Constitution. And set out to solidly
swear that I’ll support and defend the Constitution of the United
States against all enemies foreign and domestic he love this country
even as one of these gray bearded overturns he always stood when the flag
came by when he played the national anthem he didn’t want the people around
him to see but he was he was emotional because he loved America he paid
a price for America he loved America he took that oath three times to
support and defend the Constitution. I watched I had already. And I got my values from you see the only thing he ever wanted
in return was often A-T.. Only when it was opportunity
he never wanted to handle. Never wanted America to give him anything. And when they finally gave him
a disability check he took it and gave it to his parents because they
could no longer form the tenant farm and they had no place to go and
nothing to live on. And he bought a house with
his disability check. While we lived in a rented home so he when his friend’s house burned down and
took all the money had in his pocket gave it to him when he could
barely pay his own bills. But he believed that it was his
responsibility to take care of his mother and father not the governments he believed
it was his responsibility to take care of his neighbor not to
governments he believed. That God would provide
you see he loved God and he loved America with all his heart. I adored him. He was my. Tenth grade education. Seat. When his family had left my brother and
sister and I were all gone and this bigoted
racist environment in East and North Carolina he no longer had children
in a home he adopted a little black boy he just didn’t do that nice to
North Carolina at that time. He adopted a little black boy. The boy’s name was **** Keith. Because he believed that there was
nothing worse that could happen to a boy. Than to grow up without a father. Than to grow up without the guidance
in the mentoring noble man in the home. Seventy two percent of those black
children that are born today. All over America are without
a father in that home. My dad loved America. Where is that America that he loved. Where is that today see
a sense of just talking to some other folks tonight is not about
me anymore I’m at that transition for is not about me anymore it’s
about my grandchildren. And what kind of America they’re going to
know will be the America that my dad left to me who will be a totally different
America listen I I love this country. I love this country with all my heart. And I’ll do whatever I have to do I’m I’m
beyond worrying about what the media says Yeah we heard it was painful and it is
still is i’d that one reasons I work for Tony is because he actually
is the only person I know that gets hammered by
the press more than I do. So it makes me feel good it takes
a little pressure off of me but I’m beyond that now because
it is about my grandchildren. It’s about what kind of country my
generation is going to leave for them. And my dad left a great country to me
his generation the greatest generation they paid a tremendous price that my
generation might have a better life than. You know. As we look at everything that’s
happening in this country today as we become more and more dependent
upon government it can be traced back to the fact that we’ve lost one thing. And I really mean this. And we’ve lost the concept upon
which America was founded. You see those founding fathers. They gave us something at
the time that was an experiment. It was called a nation build
upon unalienable rights rights that come from
God You see up to that time. All rights came from the king of
the czar or the Caliph or the pharaoh. That America was founded on unalienable
rights See that’s what my dad believed in unalienable rights God would
provide if he would do his part and follow biblical principles
God would provide. And I grew up with that as
the influence in my life. Not to depend on anybody. But God. And today if you trace the troubles of
America I believe you’ll find that it goes back to the fact that we’ve lost sight of
that founding principle unalienable rights because now we’ve moved to a dependence
upon the government upon man. You see I go through periods
where I’m really down. About America about our future but
I’m up right now and I’m up because I went
to the mall on Sunday. And I joined with thousands and
thousands of old grizzly white bearded veterans some with no legs. In case you haven’t seen that
photograph of the guy would no legs taking the barrier on his Segway
taking that barrier on a second. Of the. Ever guard lists unless you
can produce a photograph I am not admitting to throwing any of
those barricades into the reflecting pool. But I’m encouraged because as
I say talk to those people as. People like Congressman Stockman and
Ted Cruz and Mike Lee and Sarah paling came out to talk
to him they’re fired up and they want to do something and
they are now are realizing that it’s going to take a team effort we’ve got
to come together there’s got to be unity. There has to be unity for
us to save this country and they are fired up and
they want to know there are a male and me every day saying what do we do now
boss that was good what do we do now. Or do we go from here my Facebook is
covered would know where do we go from here what do we do and as I speak in
churches all over America it’s incredible. The number of people who are come and say and how can I help look don’t
tell me what the problems are I see that I’ve heard enough tell me what
to do how do I get involved what do I do. See the grassroots in America are fired
up now because stopping World War two veterans from coming to their memorial was
a bridge too forced far as I’m concerned and I think that most Americans believe
exactly the same thing they’re fired up and they want to know what position do you
want me to play coach put me in coach. See. I’m actually optimistic. I think the grassroots is
the sleeping giant on America. You see there’s more of us
than there are of them. No question. And as I watch these young men and women
in our military today I realize there are still great patriotic American
loving citizens in this country they’re willing to step forward as Isaiah
said in six eight hear him us and me. And it encourages me. To see that we still have a lot of very
patriotic Americans serving our country but we have to protect their rights and
today the greatest infringement in our military on the constitutional
rights of our young men and women. Are the infringements on their religious
liberties this is a very serious problem for NS A very serious problem and there will be more news
breaking about another episode. Of the infringement on religious
liberties efforts to identify groups like the Family Research Council and
the American Family Association and Catholic organizations as
extremist in this country. We’re going to stop that. With a helpful but coalition. We’ve got a coalition now we’ve
put together back in June and it includes a bunch of
organizations represented here. That we’re going to fight this and
we’re going to stop this and ultimately somebody whose head
is going to roll over this and in case you’re trying to figure out
whether I’ve got a Christian attitude or not I don’t care what you think I’m
angry and I will tell you I will do whatever it takes as long as Tony Perkins
keeps the reins off of me I’ll do whatever it takes to stop the infringement on these
religious liberties of our men and women. But. It’s worst. Then you think. It’s. Right. Folks we’ve got a coalition workin this. With Center for Security Policy and mad Steyer in the Liberty Counsel
folks and and and. And and Judicial Watch and
the chaplains alliance and I can even name all the organizations
are involved in this coalition that we’re going to defend the rights of
these people that are defenseless but we have to have unity and
I will tell you that I’ve learned that there can be unity inside
the conservatives circles. When you have a passion and
you’re told you’re pulling together. There can be unity we have to have unity
we have to quit sniping at each other. We have to kill quit fighting each other. And by the way if you’re
not a conservative go to the Democratic Party you can
be a middle of the road Democrat they need help they need that
kind of help they really do and who I’m out to tell you that well it’s my
platform I have the opportunity to say. If you know one of us code go
to the Democrats seriously. And don’t invite me back next year Bob
if everybody is offended by that but you either are or you’re not and
I’m tired of being told consistently that I’ve got to shut up about these social
issues and I’ll finish with this. I’m going to tell you a final story
because we have to have unity. We have to have unity and I’ve told us a couple of times before new
mayor heard it but there was a there’s a. Guy named Frank Brewer that
was a a Marine aviator and in January one thousand nine
hundred two he wound up in the own Forces Staff College and he discovered in
his seminar was a an army guy that grew up about thirty five miles from they
became instant friends they spent the whole semester the whole school year
together and then they parted ways and they came back together the following
summer with their children and they they they had a nice summer vacation
and then Frank said to his army buddy. He said I’m home away to Beirut. And he said see after Christmas to
his buddy and his buddies family and and they parted ways and on the twenty
fourth of October Frank was en route one thousand nine hundred three
he was en route to Beirut and all of a sudden his the whole
fleet was diverted to a little and down in the Caribbean name called Grenada. Where Ronald Reagan when he looked
at what the Cubans in the Communists were doing in building this airfield down
there that would put their bombers and their fighters in range of the American
soil he said not all my watch and not in my him a sphere
you will build this. And Frank’s fleet was diverted and the
morning of the twenty fifth of October all the helicopters took off and took Marines
ashore to hit an airfield there and Frank was the squadron
executive officer so sadly he was left on board the ship with
nothing but the maintenance officer. And it was killin him that
he had been left behind but he was the executive officer and suddenly there was a broad network call
this said we’ve got a med of accentuation we’ve got to have a med of back right away
can anybody fly we’ve got a man dying we’ve got a man hit bad he’s really bad he
may not make it if we don’t get him out right now Frank turned to his mane of
software and said What do we have left. His main a saucer said nothing
they all went to pearls or feel Frank said nothing he said
well we got to hang your queen. Is that what you mean said Willis and
maintenance Frank said will it fly no we can’t fly to suggest to regulate I
didn’t ask you that he said will it fly. He said well yeah you know a sin might
we’re not supposed to say you’ll get in big trouble if you will it fly. He said it’ll fly but
you’re going to get in trouble if you bring it on deck he said you get MCO
policy dug into policy doll fly it. I brought it out on deck he fired
it up he got in a policy and flew in and went to the coordinates
where the medivac was and as they were bringin the man out to put
them in his helicopter he looked down and on a stretcher was his army buddy but
he didn’t know it he didn’t know who’s going to get only knew
was there was an American dying in there he didn’t ask Is it a Marine
is it one of those seals is the army he didn’t ask that he didn’t
care about that there was an American. He didn’t say he just how
much trouble can I get in if I do he didn’t ask that question. He was going to save an American. And I’m.
And it did because that was
me on the stretcher. Thousand. What if we put aside the things
that aren’t really that important. That we’re focused on saving
something that be in America. Saving America if we work together if
we could just come together and be one. Just as God said as he looked
down at the Tower of Babel. Fish and those people are unified they
can do anything just go down there and confuse their language if we’re unified
we can do anything this is a great honor it’s a great privilege to be here with
you tonight God bless you and thank you. Thousands. Of them listening to Attorney General
Jerry Boykin on today’s family talk and Tad that is powerful
story when one man stood up risked his life and did what was right
in that up saving General Boykin’s life. He was calling all of those and those
American citizens to take courage and the stand up for truth and
righteousness and for religious liberty in the culture
no matter what the cost and I do hope that our listeners will
defend our beloved country I hope so too Dad and to our audience
are you fired up like we are if so tell us about it send us a message on
Facebook let us know you’re standing with us to STARTING POINT is Dr James Dobson
dot org Thanks for listening God bless and we’ll see you next time for
another edition of Dr James Dobson’s spam.
Fatherhood
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J a m e s C . D o b s o n , P h . D .
FATHerHood
Fatherhood
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Fatherhood
by James C. Dobson, Ph.D.
For three decades Dr. James Dobson has been America’s leading authority and
advocate for the family. Taken from the bestseller Dr. Dobson’s Handbook of Family
Advice, this Special Report is full of helpful information for families at all stages. Let’s
read along now as Dr. Dobson discusses the extremely important role of fathers in the
life of a family.
Fathers and Daughters
Long before a teenage girl finds her first real boyfriend or falls in love, her attitude
toward men has been shaped by her father. Why? Because the father–daughter
relationship sets the stage for all future romantic involvement.
If a young woman’s father is an alcoholic and a bum, she’ll spend her life trying to find
a man who can meet the needs her father never fulfilled in her heart. If he’s warm and
nurturing, she’ll look for a lover to equal him. If he thinks she’s beautiful and feminine,
she’ll he inclined to see herself that way. But if he rejects her as unattractive and
uninteresting, she’s likely to carry self-image problems into her adult years.
I’ve also observed that a woman’s relationship with her future husband is significantly
influenced by the way she perceived her father’s authority. If he was overbearing or
capricious during her earlier years, she may be inclined to precipitate power struggles
with her husband throughout married life. But if Dad blended love and discipline in
a way that conveyed strength, she may be more comfortable with a give-and-take
marriage characterized by mutual respect.
So much of what goes into marriage starts with a girl’s father. That’s why it behooves
us as dads to give our best effort to the raising of those kids around our feet.
A Good Man, Who Can Find?
Remember when pot was something you cooked in and bad really meant bad, not good?
It’s strange how some words pass in and out of common usage. David Blankenhorn,
the head of an organization that studies cultural values, points out that the compliment
“good family man” is one of the phrases that has gone into obscurity. It was once
widely used in our culture to designate a true badge of honor. The rough translation
would be: someone who puts his family first.
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Look at the three words that make up that phrase. Good refers to widely accepted
moral values. Family points to purposes larger than the self. And man says there’s a
norm of masculinity. It seems that contemporary culture no longer celebrates a widely
shared ideal of such a man who puts his family first.
Where do we see responsible masculinity represented on television? Bill Cosby
modeled it for a few years, but who else has been portrayed in the media as a good
family man? There just aren’t many. No, we’re more likely to hear about superstar
athletes or the ladies’ man or the entrepreneur who’s sacrificed all, including his wife
and children, to make his start-up company a success.
Fortunately, it’s not too late to bring this simple phrase back into vogue. “A good
family man.” It is indeed one of the highest callings to which a man can aspire.
Fathers and the Empty Nest
When we hear the phrase “empty nest” we often think of mothers who are going
through pain and depression as their children move away. But research shows that
fathers feel the pain as well—in many cases even more intensely than their wives.
The movie Father of the Bride is hilarious. But it’s also a touching tribute to the love of
a father for his daughter. When George, the dad, sits across from his daughter at the
dinner table and learns that she’s engaged, he takes the news hard. He can’t believe
what he’s hearing. He has to clear his vision as he sees her as a little baby girl, and
then as the tomboy of eight or ten years, and finally as a beautiful young woman of
eighteen. His little girl has grown up, and she’s leaving him. He will never again be
main man in the life of this baby or this little girl or this beautiful young adult. A part of
his life is over, and there’s grieving to be done.
George’s experience is not so unusual. A recent study asked 400 parents of college
freshmen to report their feelings when their son or daughter left home. Surprisingly to
some, the fathers book it harder than the mothers. And one of the chief explanations
was regret. Fathers had been so busy—working so hard—that they suddenly realized
it was too late to build a relationship with the then-grown child.
If you still have teenagers at home, take a moment regularly to enjoy your remaining
time together. Those days will be gone in the blink of an eye.
Tim and Christine Burke
Would you be willing to give up your career, your aspirations, and a $600,000 annual
salary if your family was in need? I know a man who did.
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In 1985 Tim Burke saw his boyhood dream come true the day he was signed to pitch
for the Montreal Expos. After four years in the minors, he was finally given a chance to
play in the big leagues. And he quickly proved to be worth his salt—setting a record
for the most relief appearances by a rookie player.
Along the way, however, Tim and his wife, Christine, adopted four children with very
special needs—two daughters from South Korea, a handicapped son from Guatemala,
and another son from Vietnam. All of the children were born with very serious illnesses
or defects. Neither Tim nor Christine was prepared for the tremendous demands such
a family would bring. And with the grueling schedule of Major-League baseball, Tim
was seldom around to help. So in 1993, only three months after signing a $600,000
contract with the Cincinnati Reds, he decided to retire. When pressed by reporters to
explain this unbelievable decision, he simply said, “Baseball is going to do just fine
without me. But I’m the only father my children have.”
Heroes are in short supply these days. Tim and Christine Burke are two of them.
A Great Father
Someone has said, “Link a boy to the right man, and he will seldom go wrong.” That
adage is even truer when the “right man” happens to be his dad.
The influence of a good father is incalculable, reverberating for generations and
shaping the character of his children. I was blessed to have had that kind of dad. He
was a wonderful man—not because of his accomplishments or successes. He was
great because of the way he lived his life, his devotion to Jesus Christ, and the love
he expressed for his family.
My father has been gone since 1977, and I miss him still. I’ll never forget the telephone
call I received from a minister saying that my dad had suffered a massive heart attack and
wasn’t expected to live through the night. As I flew to Kansas City, I thought about the
memorable times we spent together and the very happiest moments of my childhood.
We would get up very early on a wintry morning, put on our hunting clothes, and head
twenty miles out of town to our favorite place. We’d climb over the fence and follow a
little creek for several miles leading to an area that I called “the big woods”—because
the trees looked so huge to me. Dad would get me situated under a fallen tree that
made a secret room, and then we’d wait for the sun to rise. The entire panorama of
nature would unfold out there in the woods as the squirrels, chipmunks, and birds
awakened before us. Those moments together with my dad were priceless to me.
Conversations occurred out there that didn’t happen anywhere else. How could I have
gotten very angry at a dad who took the time to be with me? The interactions we
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shared in that setting made me want to be like that man—to adopt his values as my
values, his dreams as my dreams, and his God as my God. His pervasive influence
continues in my life today.
That’s the power of a man to set a kid on the right road. I can think of no wiser
investment in the entire realm of human experience.
Of Elephants and Teenagers
Other than dogs, which I have always loved, the animals that fascinate me most are
elephants. These magnificent creatures are highly intelligent and have very complex
emotional natures. I suppose that’s what makes it disturbing when we see them
suffering the encroachment of civilization.
That is happening in the Pilanesberg National Park in Northwestern South Africa.
Rangers there have reported that young bull elephants in that region have become
increasingly violent in recent years—especially to nearby white rhinos. Without
provocation, they knock them over and then kneel and gore them to death. This is not
typical elephant behavior, and it has been very difficult to explain.
But now game wardens think they’ve cracked the code. Apparently, the aggressiveness
is a by-product of government programs to reduce elephant populations by killing the
older animals. Almost all of the young rogues were orphaned when they were calves,
depriving them of adult contact. Under normal circumstances, dominant older males
keep the young bulls in line and serve as role models for them. In the absence of that
influence, juvenile delinquents grow up to terrorize their neighbors.
Now, I know it’s risky to apply animal behavior too liberally to human begins, but the
parallel here is too striking to miss. 30 percent of all American children were born out
of wedlock, and in the African-American community, the number is above 70 percent.
Most of these kids grow up without masculine role models and discipline. The result
is often catastrophic—for teenagers and for elephants.
MacArthur
The year was 1962, and General Douglas MacArthur was by then an old and feeble
man. He had been one of the greatest military heroes of all time, leading our armies in
World Wars I and II and in Korea. By then his better days were behind.
MacArthur had returned that day to his beloved West Point, where he had been a
cadet some sixty years before. He had come that day to say good-bye. His speech
on the Plain that day was one of the most powerful ever given. It was entitled “Duty,
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Honor, Country” and ended with these words:
The shadows are lengthening for me. The twilight is here. My days of old have
vanished—tone and tints. They have gone glimmering through the dreams of
things that were. Their memory is of wondrous beauty, watered by tears and
coaxed and caressed by the smiles of yesterday. I listen, then, but with thirsty ear,
for the witching melody of faint bugles blowing Reveille, of far drums beating the
long roll.
In my dreams I hear again the crash of guns, the rattle of musketry, the strange
mournful mutter of the battlefield. But in the evening of my memory, I come back
to West Point. Always there echoes and re-echoes, “Duty, Honor, Country.” Today
marks my final roll call with you, but I want you to know that when I cross the river,
my last conscious thoughts will be of the Corps, and the Corps, and the Corps. I
bid you farewell.
General Douglas MacArthur died less than two years later on April 5, 1964. It seems
fitting that we who enjoy the sweet benefits of freedom pause to thank the general
and millions of others in uniform who died in the defense of liberty. We owe them an
enormous debt. They lived by a code of “Duty, Honor, Country”!
This material is excerpted from Dr. Dobson’s book Dr. Dobson’s Handbook of Family Advice
(Copyright 1996/1998, Published by Harvest House Publishers) and is used with permission.
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